Here's the background story to get you up to speed. 7 weeks ago, I talked to Karis about my feelings for her. She told me that she shared my feelings, and we started to talk more often. Almost 3 weeks ago, we talked to her parents about starting a more serious relationship, and they approved. Last weekend I got spend most of Saturday with Karis up in Oregon City. So...you can probably guess the huge amount of emotions I'm feeling. These emotions are all good and in good time, but Satan had a plan to try and trip me up because of them. He thought that He could keep me down by making me afraid of leaving Karis back in Oregon.
You see, Wednesday morning, I left for Warrenton, Missouri to take part in the Fall term of Children's Ministries Institute (CMI). So the stress of preparing for 12 weeks in another state, and the emotions I feel for Karis all added up to a big target on my chest. Satan wanted to take advantage of this overload of emotions, both good and bad, and make me trip. And he succeeded in doing so. What he failed to realize is that God would make me stronger because of it.
I'll admit, after arriving here Wednesday afternoon, and after eating dinner with the rest of the CMI students and staff, I went up to my dorm and started to cry. It felt like everything God had pointed me towards was now out of my future, never to return. I was on my back. I couldn't see what God was really doing. But the wonderful thing about being on your back is...you are looking straight up in to the eyes of Jesus.
After a few minutes of crying, I looked over and saw a book, one I hadn't finished before I left, sitting on my desk. I'm glad I brought it. It was through this book that God showed me what He was doing. The last line in the last chapter spoke on where people can find true happiness in life. When we focus on spending time with God, doing what He shows us to do, and becoming who He wants us to become, we will experience the natural by-product of our efforts: joy.
After a few minutes of crying, I looked over and saw a book, one I hadn't finished before I left, sitting on my desk. I'm glad I brought it. It was through this book that God showed me what He was doing. The last line in the last chapter spoke on where people can find true happiness in life. When we focus on spending time with God, doing what He shows us to do, and becoming who He wants us to become, we will experience the natural by-product of our efforts: joy.
I finished reading the chapter, and took a walk around the CMI campus. I started praying, and all of a sudden what I read clicked. As if God had reached down His hand and puled me back up onto my feet so that I could see the path in front of me. God wanted me here at CMI. He wanted me to take this time away from Karis. Why? So that in the end, He would have all of the glory.
You see, if I take the next 12 weeks and use them to deepen my relationship with God and learn more about what it is He wants me doing (ministering to children), then that makes me more like His Son. But not because I did the work, but because God worked in me: He gets the glory, not me. The same goes for my relationship with Karis. Usually being separated causes relationships to fade. But I have no doubt that Karis and I will only grow closer because of this separation. It can't be because of what I'm doing, because I'm not in Oregon! So it must be because of God, which means that He gets the glory.
You see, if I take the next 12 weeks and use them to deepen my relationship with God and learn more about what it is He wants me doing (ministering to children), then that makes me more like His Son. But not because I did the work, but because God worked in me: He gets the glory, not me. The same goes for my relationship with Karis. Usually being separated causes relationships to fade. But I have no doubt that Karis and I will only grow closer because of this separation. It can't be because of what I'm doing, because I'm not in Oregon! So it must be because of God, which means that He gets the glory.
All of this is part of my life...and it comes in pieces. My life is a giant jigsaw puzzle that God is building. So naturally, it comes in pieces. We take the pieces, and start to build our own puzzle of life. Most of the time, we see God handing us the next piece, and showing us where to put it. But I think that sometimes, we get so blinded by how good the puzzle looks so far, that God has to let us fall on our backs. It's only then that we realize He's holding the next puzzle piece right above our heads. The next puzzle piece I have is part of CMI, which will be made up of quite a few puzzle pieces. And it's going to take the next 12 weeks to put them in their rightful places. Please pray for me during these weeks!
May God guide you as you build your own life puzzle!
May God guide you as you build your own life puzzle!
- Jason
These are great thoughts Jason. I can so relate to what you are saying. I've been thinking a lot about the puzzle pieces in the past few days.
ReplyDeleteI had a very good friend with whom I was building a deep relationship. We were considering what the next step would be in getting to know each other better. Then the unthinkable happened. He was on the chopper that was shot down in Afghanistan two weeks ago.
I am heartbroken and trying to process this loss. It is a puzzle piece that doesn't seem to fit no matter how I turn it. My only hope and consolation in all this is the sovereignty of our God. This is where I've had to face the truths I've taught for many years - I either believe them or I don't.
The thing I've had to remember is that God has the completed picture in His mind. The piece of the puzzle I am holding is just one very small part. Even though it makes no sense to me, I know He knows where it fits.
I love your idea of God holding the next piece of the puzzle over our heads. I need to look up and trust Him for that next piece.
I will pray for you these 12 weeks, that God would use this time in your life to refine you and continue building into your character all you need to be, and that He would give you and Karis patience through this time of separation.