A Father's Heart...

     Today is a Tuesday, and for the last two years (during the school months), I've been a babysitter at my church's "Tuesday Morning Women's Study." It's become one of my favorite times of the week, because I get to spend the hours of 9-12 every Tuesday morning with the under 3 kids that the moms bring. Usually, that number ends up being close to 12 kids to watch, so thank goodness for adequate help! But today, it was just 6 (partly because that's all the kids we could support with just 2 helpers). 

     In those 6 kids, where 2 boys and 4 girls. 3 of the girls have been coming with their moms for as long as I can remember, and the newest one just started coming a few months ago. This morning the youngest and newest girl was passed off to me by her mom (she can't walk yet, but she can sit up) and stayed with me for most of the morning. And at one point, one of the other girls also came and sat with me. For some reason, I've been her favorite helper since I started coming, and I'm not sure if that's because I look like her dad a little bit or because I'm the only one who actually picks her up when she starts crying. Regardless of why, I joked as they both sat with me that, "If I posted on facebook that I had a girl on each arm, I'd probably get a lot of interesting responses!"

     After class I did post it to facebook, with a line indicating that they were just really little kids, but it was then that something hit me: both of the girls were happier with me then they were with the other helper, a girl in middle school who's family has been friends with my family for almost 4 years now. So, in a sense, they chose me over her.

     If you've known me long enough, you know I don't like pain myself. I also don't like inflicting pain. I don't like seeing anything in pain, animal or human, and especially not children. So when a kid in this class starts crying, my heart wants to remove that pain even if it harms me. And although I feel that way for the little guys in our class, it's especially strong for the little girls. And if I feel this way now, how much stronger will that be when I have daughters of my own?

     I guess I see in myself a small mustering of a father's heart. One that cares for his daughters. And really, that's just a subset of the heart of a true man, because a true man cares for all of the women in his life. Every man has the potential to have this heart, but I don't think most men start to see it come out this early, unless they've already had kids of their own. I see a small part of a father's heart coming alive in me, and that...well frankly it makes me think I'm going to need a father's heart sometime soon.

     Of course, the only way to get a father's heart is to ask for it from our true Father, God. And for those of you who are men reading this, maybe you should be asking for that heart. Doesn't matter what age you are, if you're married or not, or if you have children yet. Prayer can be lifted up to God at anytime for things to come, even if they are years away, so pray for that heart to be in you. And while you're at it, why don't you ask for God to make your heart into the heart of a true man? You have a mom, probably have sisters, and I can bet you have your eye on someone special. God calls for you to treat each and every one of them with respect, love and care. So, if I were you, I'd ask him for that heart.

     I know from experience that a similar heart is being built in me, and I can only guess what it's for. Maybe I'll be using it more in the near future, or maybe I'll need it farther down the road. Whenever I need it, I know God is building it for a purpose: His heart for me (and for you). God's heart for us is that we would be loved, cared for, respected, and that we could be the best we can be. And that's exactly what I want for everyone in my life, both men and women, friends and acquaintances, elders and peers, even the little babies.

The Peace of God...

     A good friend of mine once sent me some encouraging words along with the verse Isaiah 26:3. Here's the verse in NKJV:

You will keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on You,

Because he trusts in You.

     "Perfect peace" is literally "shalom shalom" in Hebrew. The repeated word serves as an amplifier of the original meaning, so it's not just peace, but rather a "peace of peace," or the best of the best when it comes to peace. "Stayed" literally means "to set upon," kinda like you would put a plate on a table, or a book on a book shelf. "Trusts" is literally "to hurry to for refuge." So the verse then becomes:

You will keep him in the peace of all peace,

Whose mind is placed upon You,

Because he hurries to You for refuge.

      When we have the mind of God, which means that we are thinking what God's thinking, and we hurry to Him when we need protection and refuge, he not only protects us with His almighty hand, but gives us a peace unlike any other. When we are focused on God and stay with/in Him, we aren't worried about anything else. And it's when we are in this kind of peace that we can really hear God speaking to us.

     I've experienced this kind of peace recently, specifically for the last week. And it's not because I did anything super special, I just gave up my own desires and asked God to show me and give me His desires. It was after this and some time spent just searching for God's will that I felt at peace. And I still feel it. I'd had been trying to find out which direction God wanted me to go, but I let go and decided to wait until God showed me what He wanted me to do, rather than rely on a sketchy idea.

     Tuesday night, God finally showed me what He wanted me to do. And amazingly, I went and did it without questioning if it was actually Him or not. Why? Because He had given me His peace. And when you have God's peace, when He speaks to you, shows you something, or reminds you of His promises, you know without a shadow of a doubt that it's Him. For me, that happened Tuesday...and Thursday...and today. God said, in essence, "Hey, remember what I said? It's still true."

     And although I'm incredibly happy and joyous about seeing God reaffirm His promises to me, I'm happier still to know that I can trust my God. When He says something's going to happen, it's going to happen. With God there is not even a hint of ever turning from what He has spoken. And that is just one more thing I can give Him praise for.

     For those of you reading, why don't you take some time and search for God's peace in your own life? Find a quiet spot, clear your mind, read the the Word, pray, give up your own desires and ask for God's. When you do, I can bet that you'll find God's peace has filled your life. Keep your focus on Him and don't be afraid of what He has or will show you. It may be hard, but it brings us closer to Him and makes us more like His Son. And ultimately, it brings Him more glory and bring more souls unto Him. So find His peace in your life and do what He shows you to do.

One of Those Days...

     Sometimes I have days where things are amazing. And then I have days where things are amazing, and yet confusing. Today...is one of those days. You see, today it feels like I'm being pulled in two directions; like God is telling me to go two different ways at the same time. I know He's telling me one or the other, but I can't quite figure out which one is Him and which one is me.

     At least not right now. And that's the hard part. I know that as I wait, things will become clearer and eventually I'll see with totally clarity which one is God's direction. But right now it just feels so...urgent. Like I have to know right now. Not sure why, but that's just how it feels.

     I know God has everything in His hands, and He will let me know at just the right time. So instead of worrying about when I'll find out or what the answer is, I've decided I'm going to be thankful that I can feel God leading me in a direction. Even if I'm not sure what direction that is yet. I feel His pulling at my heart, and yet so many other people don't.

     And that is part of the pulling too. I need to help people know when God is pulling them in a direction. And to do that, I have to wait for Him to show me exactly what direction He's pulling me in. Because it's only when I walk where God wants me to walk that I'll be able to lead other people to do the same. Whether it's my friends, other men, teenagers, kids, my future family, anyone.

     So yeah, it's just one of those days. One of those days where I have to man up and wait for God to show me what to do.

Derailment, Irony & a $20 bill...

     I recently heard the following lyrics in a song and thought, "How true they are." The lyrics come form a song by Christian metal band Oh, Sleeper. The song is Means to Believe, off of their Children of Fire album.

He gave me a train with no tracks,

With no wood to build or burn for steam,

Despite all I lack, if I derail He'll turn His back,

Don't you see the irony?

The song talks about how Jesus gives us the means to believe in what He has done for us, and what He wants to do in us. And yet these lines here depict what so many people think of their Christian life. They think that God has given them new life and expects them to do something with it under their own power. And yet, without any tracks to ride on, they think that God will turn His back on them if they derail...which they already have by not having any tracks. Irony, huh?

     The truth is, God gives each of us a "train" of sorts when we believe in His son Jesus Christ and His redemptive work on the cross. But He doesn't expect us to use this train where we are at, but to wait and watch as He creates the tracks for us to ride underneath us. If we get too far behind in wait for Him, we fail to see all that He is doing. But if we get too far ahead, we'll end up derailing our train. But does God turns His back on us? No! He, like the loving father the Bible repeatedly analogizes Him to, comes to where we are and comforts us. He continues to build tracks to where we are, but we have to wait once again for those tracks to be built and for our train to be re-railed.

     This is where the issues arise. So many people don't want to wait for God that they never end up be placed on rails in the first place. Yet they think that if they derail, God will turn His back on them. But they are already derailed, should not God have turned His back on them then, following their own logic? I think this is why so many people start to dislike this new life they have in Christ. Not because of what God is doing, but because they fail to wait for God to build the rails for them to ride on!

     Most importantly though, we have to remember that God never turns His back on us. Rather, we turn our back on Him. He's still right there, but we refuse to accept Him as our Father, who knows what's best for us. All that He asks, is that we turn around and fall into His loving arms. You see, we never lose value to Him. Kinda like a $20 bill. No matter what you do to that bill, as long as it remains a $20 bill, it will always have a value of $20. You can stomp on it, through it in the mud or even rip it in two, but its still worth $20 when made whole.

     That's how God sees us. He always sees the value that we have. And when life beats us up, drags us through the mud, or even wounds us physically, we still have just as much value in His eyes as we did when we were first born. That value never changes! Even now, God still sees that same value in you, and He wants to see that value put to good use in His plans. And you know what? His plans are always the best.

     So would you rather turn to a life that wants to beat you up and make you feel un-valued? Or would you rather turn to a God who is always there, always cares, always values you the same, always loves, and wants to see you have the best life you could ever have? I know what I want to do. I want to turn to my God and watch as He creates for me a life where everything I do brings glory to Him. I hope your choice is the same.

Time...

     Wow, I haven't posted anything in almost a month. Well...I guess that's because not a lot has happened this month. Life continues to move onward...and that's about it. So, in essence, life has become boring. But you know what that means? It means I can find even more of God exciting as I read and study His word.

     As well, having a boring life usually means that God is doing something behind the scenes in your heart. Some changes are being made to your internal operations (spiritual and mentally, that is) and it's all to prepare you for what's coming up next. Which makes me wonder, what is coming up next? I know I'm going to start working for CEF of Oregon, which is a big jump in positions for me, but I don't think that's really going to be a "Wow! This is so totally what was coming up next!" kinda moment.

     But what that moment is, or what it entails...I have no idea. Guess I'll just have to wait and see. And that's the point. Regardless of how I spend my time, or how my time spends me, I must always make time to spend with God and learn from Him. For if I don't make time for Him, I won't truly have time for anything else.