Step 2: Completed

     So, another step towards opening the stained glass door was taken Friday. And, although the results were unexpected, Step 3 is still scheduled to happen, just with a slight revision. So, more like a Step 3, revision b. Right now, I really don't know what to think...

     The results of Step 2 were entirely unexpected. I knew of a large amount of possibilities, but, of course, I don't know everything. After Step 2's completion, I was kind of like, "WHAT THE HECK!?!" Debriefing was weird...I mean, I've always had my doubts about what was behind the door, but I trusted in what I believed God had told me. But after the results from Step 2, what God had told me before was pretty much all I had. It made me look back on what had been passed between Him and I.

     It's here that I run into a choice. A choice that I've come across many times in my life. A choice that I'm finally beginning to understand. I can do what I want, what other people want. Or, I can do what God wants.

     In the case of the stained glass door, it has seemed that God had asked, "Jason, what do you want to be behind it?"  I could have chosen anything. But I didn't. I didn't want to choose. To choose, even when God gave me the choice, feels to me as doing what I want, instead of what He wants. And so I turned it around. I answered and said, "What I want behind the stained glass door, is whatever you would like to put there."

     Which leads me back to the steps I'm currently going through. I wanted God to choose what was behind the door. And so He did. And I believe He has told me what He put behind it. So now it comes down to this: do I believe that what God told is true? Or do I side with my personal doubts and the statements of those around me and believe that there is something else behind it?

     Personally, I've chosen to side with what God has said. It may not be what I see around me. It may not be what other people think will happen. But if God has said something will happen, then it will happen, I just need to watch and wait for it to happen.

     EDIT 5/30/11: Well, that didn't end how I expected it. Basically, Step 3 never got under way, at least on my end, because of the intervention of a greater power: God. Like it or not, I'm not at a very dangerous place. Not knowing where to go or whether to trust what God said before, or what He seems to be saying now. I guess it times like these, where you don't think you can trust God anymore, that your trust in Him is strengthened beyond what a normal situation would produce.

     So now I'm left with a new choice. I can believe in what God has told me before, and believe that what He told me is behind the Stained Glass Door is there, or I can believe in what seems to be God now, and expect something else behind the door. Regardless, there is going to be some serious soul searching going on in the next few days. If you are reading this, please pray that God would show what He wants me to do, and that I wouldn't be too stubborn minded to see it.

Step 1: INITIATED

     It has begun. What exactly? Well, let me explain. As many of you have probably read in my blog posts, I've always talked about a stained glass door that has been following me around for awhile now. Of course, this is just an analogy for what is really going on, I don't really have a door floating around behind me. Anyway, I've been feeling that the time to open the door and see what stands behind has been coming closer.

     With some recent developments, I believe that the time to open the door is here. There's a little bit of a process to get this thing open, so I've developed a series of steps to proceed through in order to open the door. Step 1 has already been initiated, and is currently in progress. There are 3 more steps after Step 1 is finished, and should each step go successfully, I'll post the results here. In the meantime, you can see which step I'm currently on by watching my Facebook page.

Best. Weekend. Ever.

     Wow...Friday and Saturday were AMAZING. I mean, sure my car broke down at CYIA Pre-Training, but Pre-Training was the amazing part! Not only do I get to help with worship, but as a Studaff I also got to evaluate a practicum group, help with all sorts of Power Point and computer related issues and lead the devotional time for Saturday morning! Through all of it, God has shown me that this is where I am supposed to be, which is part of the amazing feeling. With the full week of training coming up in June, I can't wait to see what sorts of amazing things happen.

     Speaking of amazing things, I'm going to be a Team Trainer this year. (For those of you who don't know, a Team Trainer is the leader of a group of 3-4 CYIA Students, and may possibly help out with the teaching themselves. A Team Trainer helps the students learn, study and teach the materials used during the CYIA Training Week's 5 Day Club.) I have no idea who is going to be on my team, but I'm super excited to help them grow in God, and experience what it is like to lead a child to Christ.

     In other news, I've received a few posts on facebook saying that some of my status updates are too vague. I'll admit, they are a little scarce of details, but it's best that they stay that way for the time being. It appears that some people have already seen through the "vague updates" and know exactly what I'm talking about, but thankfully they are very trustworthy people and have not dispersed this knowledge to anyone else. For those of you who haven't seen the aforementioned "vague updates", rest assured that all will be revealed in good time. And it really will be in good time, since a lot of this whole thing is hinging on God, just like it should...although some people may disagree. What am I talking about? Just wait and see...

A New Season Enters The Queue...

     Queue: N. ~ a line of people or objects to be dealt with, starting at the first item, then the second, etc. New items are added to the end of the line.

     Life is a series of (No, not unfortunate) events. They are all added to the "Queue" as different things happen, and that queue is controlled by God. So if God wants something to  happen, He adds it at the perfect time to the end of the queue so that you will experience it when He wants you to. And that's kinda what is happening now...

     To start with, the Benton County CEF committee has approved my request to stay on with the local chapter during the summer to continue my work and training through my internship. As part of that, additional funds were needed to pay my way, both for the continued work and for the remaining money needed to fund my training at Children's Ministries Institute this Fall. With that in mind, I drove into work this morning to find that a very generous friend had decided to fund my cause with a $1000 check each of the 4 remaining months of my internship. That completely pays for my work from here to my trip, which means that any funds that come in from here on out are totally tax free, and completely dedicated to my CMI tuition.

     On another note, some reading over the weekend revealed the effects of some dedicated help and patience, which was capped by some conversational discussion today. 17 months of waiting, and still the stained class door has remained closed. It has become clearer to see through as time has gone by, but the time has not come to open it yet. Though, what I've seen and heard over the last few days makes me believe that I will be led to open it soon. I'm sure I know what I will find behind the door, after all, God told me what was behind it right after the door appeared, but I don't think I'm completely ready to find out that what He said is true. And that is probably why it hasn't opened yet, since God knows I'm not ready and is protecting me from what could be a disaster if not timed correctly.

     With all that said, a lot of things have been added to my life's "Queue". And although I can see what they look like from here, I have no idea what I'll be dealing with when they reach the front of the line. All I can do is pray and trust that God will make sure I'm prepared for whatever I have to face when the time comes.

Continued Direction

     Today starts another Monday for the work week, and unlike a lot of normal people, I enjoy Mondays. Today I teach some key Bible truths and lessons to 3 students over at Philomath Middle School during 7th period. Normally, we'd have more than 3 students in this class, but the whole "7th period" thing is a big issue for lots of potential attendees, whose class during that period is either really hard or really important. Anyway, these students are my favorite to teach, because I can actually relate to them and see the changes that God's word is having on their lives. As well, Mondays are the day that I do LOTS of stuff on the computer at the CEF office, and if you didn't already know, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WORKING WITH COMPUTERS!

     As well, Mondays are my "check-in" day with one of my really good friends. She's going through a lot, and I've taken it upon myself to try and help her out whenever I can. So, Monday mornings, I send her an email and see whats happening, how I can pray for her, and remind her that God is always there ready to help.

     Speaking of God helping, my application to Children's Ministries Institute has been accepted and all that's left for me to do is get ready to go. Which means paying the advanced reservation fees, buying new clothes to fit within the dress code, reserving plane tickets...oh, and raising all the money needed to do all those things and pay for the school. The estimated cost is $5500, I've already saved up $1000, and working up until the departure date should net me $3500 that I can apply towards the cost. Which leaves an extra $1000 to come from wherever God wants it to. Of course, all of the funds are in His hands, so if He truly wants me to go (everything I've seen so far makes the answer to that a "yes") then He will provide the funds I need.

     Now as for the title of this post, "Continued Direction". As I stated last post, God showed me what is behind the stained-glass door I've talked about. And now I've been waiting patiently to see when God would have me open the door. He still hasn't showed me, but His timing is not ours, and if He wants me to open it later, then I will continue to wait until that time comes. Regardless, I feel as if the time to open the door is really close. When it does, and I finally open it, I'll be sure to post the results here on my blog.

     Until next time, Godspeed!

Discovering the Obvious...

     So last night, like every night, I was lying there on the floor, (yes, I sleep on the floor. The lack of a bed in the room leaves more floor space for other things) trying to go to sleep, but all the thoughts in my head kept me up. So I started to ask God some questions. I asked about some of the things I've posted here; about my work with CEF, what I'm going to do over the summer, how I'm going to pay for CMI, which is coming up in the fall, and what I'm going to do after that. You see, I live my life by a simple set of rules, but I never really refined them until recently, when people started asking me what I would do in any given situation. It was then that I came up with one simple saying that defined it all. "Pray about it, and go on with life. When God wants to show you the answer, He'll show you, and you'll know." That was why I was asking God all these questions. Asking Him to show me what I needed to be shown, at His time and place.
     Of course, I didn't expect Him to answer so quickly. If you have been following my blog for awhile, or if you've gone back and read posts that you missed, you know that I've had this vision of a stained glass door of sorts that has been following me around. I've mentioned that I had some suspicions as to what was behind it, and some possible hints from God about what it led to, but now I'm convinced I know exactly what is behind it, I just don't know when I'll get to open the door. It was almost like God said, "What do you want Me to do? Put up a big neon sign with the answer!?!" God had already showed me, but I wasn't trusting what my brain was telling me. I couldn't bring myself to believe that the little hint was really God, and not just me twisting something to fit what I wanted. So like I said, when God wants to show you, He'll show you. Just ask Him and wait for His reply.
     So you could say, I discovered the obvious today. But however you want to put, I know I'm right where God wants me to be, and I'm really excited to see what He is going to do next!

Changes: The "Old", "New" and "Where the heck did that come from?" type...

     So...changes. Things changing from what they currently are into something else. A transformation of sorts. Well, that's what has been happening with me...

     My work with CEF continues on. 4 different groups of children call me teacher: the Kindergarten & 1st grade class at my church, The Released-Time classes at Philomath Middle School and Kings Valley Charter school, and the Good News Club at Franklin Elementary. Franklin's club was going to transition to meeting at a local church, but God came through with the money to pay for the rental fees of the school gym through the end of the year. So...almost a change, but then not. My funding has not changed, which is sad, not for me, but for Benton County CEF. For every dollar that doesn't come in to support me...a dollar comes out of their budget to make sure that I have a paycheck every month, while the Director and Assistant Director take cuts or late paychecks. So, pray that that would change.

     A group of CEF staff and friends have joined together to start a weekly prayer e-mail and monthly prayer meeting for CEF's various classes, clubs, training and funding. Though they don't know it yet, I'll be posting the prayer updates on a new, "CEF of Benton County" page on facebook. Hopefully that will be updated Mondays. The prayer meetings, e-mails and this facebook page are all a major change form the way things were last year...so pray that it all goes smoothly.

     Meanwhile, one of my close friends is experiencing heavy difficulties at a local community college. She continues to press forward, but the trials keep coming. So much so that it seems as if they are a direct attack from the Enemy. I'm doing the best I can to try and help her see God in all of this, but I'm going into unfamiliar territory with a lot of the things she's going through. God continues to show me where to go and what to say, but the whole situation is still a major element of change for me.

     In my own life, my tax returns have been accepted and the money from them (Since I pretty much got all of it back) went towards funding my new laptop (from which I write this new post), and some accessories to go with it. However, this weekend held the surprise that the Xbox 360 I had fixed last summer is once again experiencing the Red Ring of Death (Basically...it doesn't do anything) and the back-up motherboard will only let the console read DVD's...no games. So, my brother and I are stuck without a game system for at least two months, until we can save up the funds for a new Xbox 360 S. This is probably for the best for Justin, as a local band has lost their previous drummer and it looks as if Justin will be his replacement. Of course, he doesn't have his driver's license yet, so I get to drive him to practices...good thing I got this laptop!

     All in all, these changes and not so changes are good, but as always, they can be a little rough getting through. God continues to support and guide me though...so I guess it's kind of like diving out of an airplane in the dark of night: you really have no idea what's down there, but you know you have your 'chute and instructor to help you make a smooth landing.

*EDIT*

     So, that facebook page for CEF of Benton County is not going to be up and running this week. I got sick Monday, so no work. And no work means no prayer letter update which means nothing to post on the page. Hopefully next week will be more open...