Life, defragmentation, and the love of God...

     If you're any sort of normal person, you probably don't understand the process of defragmentation. Well today you get to learn what that process is, how it relates to life and then a little bit of info that might help you understand more about the love of God...

     Defragmentation is a process used to "clean-up" your computer's hard drive. You see, when you save something to your hard drive, the computer magnetically writes it onto one of several discs within your computer. However, the more you save on your computer, the more "fragmented" your hard drive becomes. Basically, the computer starts to save similar files to different locations on the discs instead of saving them close to each other. Defragmentation reverses this to a large degree. When you start defragmentation on your computer, it goes through your hard drive, finds files that are similar, or large files that are split up, and moves them around so that you can access them faster, because they are all grouped together.

     Here's a real life example. Let's say you have 10 employees in your business. Each one has their own file of information. If you keep all of their information in a file just for them, all together in a place just for employee info, you can find it faster and look over it much easier. However, if you start to put one employee's info in the financial folder, or place each employee's folder in a separate place that's not at all related to the employee, then it's going to be very hard to find the info you need quickly or effectively, and it will impare your ability to work. If you were to "defragment" your employee files, you would go and find each piece of info you have, place it in a folder based on which employee it concerned, and then place all of those folders in one file cabinet drawer.

     Recently, I realized that humans have a similar process that allows us to quickly find out what God has been doing in our lives. You have to defragment your memories! Unfortunately...those memories don't stay all-together in a new spot on your brain, it's only temporary, but it still brings all of the similar memories together so you can compare them. That process...is journaling. You see, when you write things down in a journal (or a diary if you prefer) it places your key thoughts onto the page. And in my case, my journal is filled with entries concerning what I've seen God doing in my life. So I can quickly look back through and see where I was at a certain point and what I thought God was doing then.

     Now, I said that the process is temporary. That is because you can read your journal and recall memories, but those memories don't always stay together, even though we might like them to. So you have to continually go back and review all that God has done. I think God did that on purpose ;)

     In my own life, this has proved very helpful. You see, by journaling, I've come to see why some things have happened in my life and how God has used where I've fallen to cause good. It's also part of how I've been able to see just what it is He has planned for my future. Using my journal entries as a base, I can recall the memories connected to them, and construct them all into a clearly defined "structure" of information that shows me what's changed in my life and where I'm headed next.

     It's from "defragmenting" my memories that I was able to piece together what made me sure God has called me to marry Karis. I was able to connect all the answered prayers, all of the things I've learned about God because of her, how much she has inspired me to become more like Christ, how much I've become more like Him, etc. God has done so much in the last 11 weeks that to not be sure is pretty much to deny the obvious!

     And it's through this courtship with Karis that I've come to realize a little bit of the love that God has for us humans. For those of you who can, remember what it feels like to look into the eyes of the one you love and talk with them. That's how God feels when you talk with Him. God is love. So every feeling that you feel towards the one you love, is a feeling that God has as well. So next time you pray, think about that. You are looking right into the eyes of the God who loves you more than anyone else and talking to Him. It really changes how you pray.

     So there you have it: defrag your mind, realize how you've changed and where you're headed, and pray like you are in love (because you are) God bless!

Finding Nemo...

     Last night we had a "Beach party" at Children's Ministries Institute. After an hour of games we sat down to watch a movie. Well...movies, actually. One group was set to watch Soul Surfer, and the other, Finding Nemo. I know some of you may ask, "Dude! Why didn't you watch Soul Surfer?" And it has a simple answer, I will not willingly submit myself to any temptation. Anyway, I ended up watching Finding Nemo...and I'm glad I did.

     The movie was rather encouraging, which was unexpected, since I've seen the movie so many times now. But God can use anything to reach us when we are listening for His voice. There were a couple things that really stood out, but I'm just going to talk about two of them here. First, the title. "Finding Nemo" is actually a statement. It means to find nothing. Nemo is a compound of the Latin phrase ne hemo meaning "no man." So, to find nemo is to find nothing. And that's what I've found...at the end of myself.

     Its always easier to give up when you have no strength left. When you come to the end of yourself, you find nothing. There is nothing left of yourself. But God...He's right there, ready to give you everything. You just have to "give up" your life and do things God's way. Psalms 37:4 says,

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will you the desires of your heart

      The word delight here is rather confusing. Because the Hebrew word implies softness or willingness. Like how you love someone so much that you are soft to what they say and want to do. So really, the verse is saying something more like,

Love the Lord and be soft to what He says, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

     These desires are in your heart which means that sometimes, you don't even know what they are. But when God reveals them to you, you realize just how true it is and how much you want that desire to be filled. I know that this is true in my own life. It's only been 2 months, but God has revealed my heart's desires by bringing Karis into my life. My heart desires to love her, care for her, protect her, serve her, to help her be all that she can be and cause her to glorify God in every area of her life. And so, it was that in finding nothing in myself, I found everything in God...and He brought me Karis.

     The second thing that stuck out was the consistent element of trust that is built on in the story, finally climaxing with Marlin trusting his son, Nemo, to save Dory and the rest of the fish. In a way, the scene is very similar to one I've seen in my own life. Except that instead of having a discussion between a father and son, it was a discussion between the Spirit and my flesh.

     In the movie Marlin says, "You think you can do these things, but you just can't!" Nemo responds, "Dad, you have to trust me." Marlin remembers all the times in the movie where he caused pain because he didn't trust someone, and finally relents, "You're right. You can do this Nemo."

     In my own life, I feel like God has called me to marry Karis. Actually, I'm sure He has. (Don't freak out, she knows this already ;) But despite being sure, sometime ago I had felt as if I wouldn't be able to be the husband she needed me to be. It was then that my flesh said, "You think you can do this but you just can't!" God replied saying, "Son, you have to trust me." I remember all the pain that my own mistakes had caused me, times when I hadn't trusted God. So I finally found "Nemo," and gave up. "You're right, I can do this. Because of You."

     It's still a battle to trust God in everything, but I know what's down the road, and the joy I'll find knowing that I trusted Him from here to there. And so I continue walking forward, trusting God to guide my steps, to direct my path, and to give me the strength to protect the girl walking beside me. She's not mine yet...but I plan to grow to be as much like Christ as I can before she is :)

Whoa moments

     Sometimes you look at what God has placed in your path and think, "God, do I really have to go through this?" But you know that God has placed it there for a reason so, although you don't like it, you willingly submit yourself to God's plan and pray that His will would be carried out. And then, when you reach the other side, you see why God had you go through it. But sometimes...you reach the other side, and all you can say is, "Whoa..." That happened to me this week...

     As you should know by now (if you don't know, you must not know me...or you've been hiding under a rock :P ) I've been courting a wonderful young woman named Karis Monroe. God is blessing my life through her, even though I've spent the last 5 weeks here in Warrenton, Missouri. We've been video chatting a bit...OK, more like a lot...and it was through our latest video chat that I received this "Whoa..." moment. Well...more like an after-effect of the video chat...anyway...

     We were discussing a chapter from the book Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris that covered a topic that was kind of awkward to discuss. God had placed it in our path, so although it wasn't exactly something either of us wanted to discuss, we did it because we knew He wanted us to. I had taken some of what Josh had written and modified it ever so slightly so that it would be easier to discuss, and I asked God to guide our discussion that night. And that's exactly what He did.

     After we finished the chat, I reflected on what was discussed and let the whole chat really sink into my brain. But it wasn't until the next day that it had finally sunk deep enough to click something in my brain. Something about me had changed that night. Through my willingness to continue with our normal chapter discussion God had brought out a part of me that didn't trust Him, and replaced it with a new part that did.

     Over the last three days, I've felt this overwhelming peace and joy that I know can only be from Him. And as I reflected on it this morning, I sat back, looked at everything I knew and all I could say was, "Whoa..." I can't believe God has seen it fit to lead me where He is, to bless me how He is, to push me how He is. Some small part of His plan has implanted itself in my mind, and it's making me excited! It's also motivating me to change like nothing else I've ever known...

     Having God's Spirit inside you, having His love spilling out of you...well, amazing things when you choose to do what God wants. Because when God is inside you, His happiness is your happiness. And I dare say that He must be really happy right now, because I am too...and there is no way that this happiness is from anyone but Him!

     I'll leave you with this verse from Hebrews 10:35-36. May God bless you as much as He is blessing me!

"Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise."

In Your Hands...

     Yesterday, during class, a verse was brought up that really hit me. Sometimes God does that, and it reminded me of a quote from C.S. Lewis that has really helped me through the last month. In writing to a friend, Lewis once said:

I don’t doubt that the Holy Spirit guides your decisions from within when you make them with the intention of pleasing God. The error would be to think that He speaks only within, whereas in reality he speaks also through scripture, the church, Christian friends, and books.

     Lewis believes that not only does God speak to us from inside through the Spirit, but He also speaks from outside through the Spirit. In my experience, I've seen this quote ring true. God uses all of life to speak to us. And after all, why shouldn't He? I mean, He is the creator. Everything we know of in this life belongs to Him, so why wouldn't He use what is already right in front of us to speak to us about the One who is always above us?

     If you've talked to me just a little bit during the last month, you've probably heard me talk about my amazing girlfriend Karis. We started courting a little over a month ago now, and I've been praying since we started that God would reveal His will for the direction of this relationship. And God hasn't failed to show me something everyday that reveals more and more what His plans for Karis and I are. I think Jeremiah 29:11 describes it rather nicely:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (NLT)

     Plans for good. He has some pretty good plans for Karis and I in the future. And He has begun to give me a glimpse of what some of those plans are. How? Through His Spirit. That verse I mentioned at the start was John 16:13. And it's one of three verses that popped out at me today. I'll refer to the other two if the need for them appears.

     John 16:13 says:

However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. (NKJV)

     The word for truth here is the Greek word aletheia (al-aye-thi-uh). It means to disclose something, or to reveal something for what it truly is. Guide is hodegeo (hod-ay-geh-oh) and this one means to "show the way." So...literally, this passage says: the Holy Spirit will show you the true way. In other words, the Holy Spirit will show you God's will for your life, the true path you should take. Does the Spirit speak only what He wants to speak? No, He speaks what the Father tells Him to.

     So if we take what C.S. Lewis said about God speaking through life, what Jesus said about the Holy Spirit, and add just a bit of logic, we come to a rather interesting conclusion. When God speaks to us, we may hear His voice from within, from scripture, fellow Christians, church services, books, music, etc. and yet, despite the diversity of from whence the words came, they will all speak to the same truth. God guides us to the path He wants us to walk, our true path, by using everything around us to speak to our prayerful questioning.

     This is what I've experienced in my life recently: God guiding me along His will for my life by using the circumstances I find myself in, the people I talk to, the music I listen to, the books I read, my time in prayer, and my time in His word. As I continue to seek Him, He continues to guide me. And right now...that guiding is towards whatever the future may hold for Karis and I. And that brings me to the title of this post...

     I was listening to Falling Up's Crashings album yesterday, and I ran across a song I hand't heard in awhile that fits perfectly with my life right now. The song is called "Falling In Love" (bet no one saw that coming :P )
Here it is if you want to listen to it:

     This song is true of two things at once, which makes it even more awesome. Not only does it describe how I feel towards Karis, but it also describes how I feel when it comes to my relationship with God. The chorus for this song is simple, yet very meaningful. "All of my dreams and my passions are in your hands." All of my dreams and passions are in God's hands. And it's only when I take His hands and let Him lead me to where He wants me to go that those dreams and passions become reality. So, it's all in Your hands, God.

It's A Puzzling life!

     I think that our life is a puzzling one. Not because it puzzles me, but because it IS a puzzle. A very long puzzle. Let me see if I can help you understand what I mean. First off, we'll take a look at how this puzzle works, and then take a look at the pieces.

     God knows what your life is going to contain, but you don't. Instead, when you are born, you find the left side of your puzzle. As your life goes on, the puzzle starts to get filled in, like a slide show of pictures from your life. The piece that comes next is always one that God chooses. Of course, as we get older God moves from placing the pieces, to letting us place the pieces. As humans we want to control our life. So it's then that we need to start asking God where the piece goes.

     Anyway, on to the pieces. Each puzzle piece is part of your life. It could be a job, a car, a friend, etc. Sometimes the piece has one thing on it, and sometimes it only has part of it. As God guides us forward we start to see what's coming next by looking at what piece we just put in.

     Other times, God has us start building a puzzle withing a puzzle. If you enjoy puzzles, you'll know what I'm talking about. As your building any larger puzzle, it makes it easier to build smaller portions of the puzzle outside of the frame. Maybe it's a house or a group of flowers, but whatever it is, you put together 5 or 6 pieces and get a bigger piece. It's then much easier to see where it fits, because you have to fit all of them in the same space.

     In my case, I've been building two of those sorts of puzzles within puzzles. One, would be my ministry with children. I've been building that one since my brother was born. I've always been teaching or hanging out with those younger than me. Then I started working with CEF, and now I'm at CMI. So little bits of the puzzle have already gone in. But some pieces have also been put aside into a small puzzle.

     The second one, is a small puzzle of Karis. I haven't been building this puzzle as long as the first one, and at first I didn't know that it was Karis. It just took some more pieces to see that it was her. I don't know where she fits just quite yet, but I can see some similarities between the pieces I'm putting together, and the pieces that make up the smaller one of Karis. So I think it should fit in somewhere up here soon. And I think I know how...

     I'm sure if you've been reading my blog for awhile you'll know what I'm talking about. But if you haven't read my previous posts...well, now you have some incentive to go and read them. I'll give you a hint: there was talk of a "strangely colored portal" with a "ribbon touting box" waiting behind it. If you think about it, I'm sure it's fairly obvious :P

Puzzling, isn't it?
- Jason

It Comes In Pieces...

     As I left my home on Wednesday morning at close to 2 am, I only started to realize just what I was going to be doing for the next 12 weeks. I felt as if everything was going according to God's plan, but at the same time, it felt like I was on my back. I wasn't there because I wanted to be, but because Satan had tripped me. And it took me a few days to realize that.

     Here's the background story to get you up to speed. 7 weeks ago, I talked to Karis about my feelings for her. She told me that she shared my feelings, and we started to talk more often. Almost 3 weeks ago, we talked to her parents about starting a more serious relationship, and they approved. Last weekend I got spend most of Saturday with Karis up in Oregon City. So...you can probably guess the huge amount of emotions I'm feeling. These emotions are all good and in good time, but Satan had a plan to try and trip me up because of them. He thought that He could keep me down by making me afraid of leaving Karis back in Oregon.

     You see, Wednesday morning, I left for Warrenton, Missouri to take part in the Fall term of Children's Ministries Institute (CMI). So the stress of preparing for 12 weeks in another state, and the emotions I feel for Karis all added up to a big target on my chest. Satan wanted to take advantage of this overload of emotions, both good and bad, and make me trip. And he succeeded in doing so. What he failed to realize is that God would make me stronger because of it.

     I'll admit, after arriving here Wednesday afternoon, and after eating dinner with the rest of the CMI students and staff, I went up to my dorm and started to cry. It felt like everything God had pointed me towards was now out of my future, never to return. I was on my back. I couldn't see what God was really doing. But the wonderful thing about being on your back is...you are looking straight up in to the eyes of Jesus.

     After a few minutes of crying, I looked over and saw a book, one I hadn't finished before I left, sitting on my desk. I'm glad I brought it. It was through this book that God showed me what He was doing. The last line in the last chapter spoke on where people can find true happiness in life. When we focus on spending time with God, doing what He shows us to do, and becoming who He wants us to become, we will experience the natural by-product of our efforts: joy.

     I finished reading the chapter, and took a walk around the CMI campus. I started praying, and all of a sudden what I read clicked. As if God had reached down His hand and puled me back up onto my feet so that I could see the path in front of me. God wanted me here at CMI. He wanted me to take this time away from Karis. Why? So that in the end, He would have all of the glory.

     You see, if I take the next 12 weeks and use them to deepen my relationship with God and learn more about what it is He wants me doing (ministering to children), then that makes me more like His Son. But not because I did the work, but because God worked in me: He gets the glory, not me. The same goes for my relationship with Karis. Usually being separated causes relationships to fade. But I have no doubt that Karis and I will only grow closer because of this separation. It can't be because of what I'm doing, because I'm not in Oregon! So it must be because of God, which means that He gets the glory.

     All of this is part of my life...and it comes in pieces. My life is a giant jigsaw puzzle that God is building. So naturally, it comes in pieces. We take the pieces, and start to build our own puzzle of life. Most of the time, we see God handing us the next piece, and showing us where to put it. But I think that sometimes, we get so blinded by how good the puzzle looks so far, that God has to let us fall on our backs. It's only then that we realize He's holding the next puzzle piece right above our heads. The next puzzle piece I have is part of CMI, which will be made up of quite a few puzzle pieces. And it's going to take the next 12 weeks to put them in their rightful places. Please pray for me during these weeks!

May God guide you as you build your own life puzzle!

- Jason

The Curtain Rises on Act II...

     I spoke in my last post about how God provides and guides in our lives. At the time I wrote that, exactly 25 days ago, I was very unsure as to where God was leading me with what He was providing. I knew that if I sought Him truthfully, the path I needed to walk would reveal itself to me as I needed to know. Looking back on what has happened, I see that I was approaching what is best described as the end of Act I. And what follows for awhile here (Italicized to denote it from non-analogy text), will be with that analogy in mind:

     The curtain fell leaving the protagonist (that's me) at a cliffhanger, as all the best acts do, and I desperately wanted to start the next next act and see what was going to happen to me. You see, in this play, none of the actors are given a script. They must follow the cues from the Director (God) for the play to go smoothly. As I waited for the stage to be set for the next act, I consulted the Director about what was up next. He went through some of the signals He was going to use soon, and I realized that I had seen similar signals before. He had been preparing me for what He was going to do. But I wasn't prepared for what was about to come...

     The stage was set, so I took my spot on stage and waited for the curtain to rise. The lights went down, I took a deep breath and watched as the curtain rose. The stage was dark save for where I stood. A light came on to my left. I looked over and what I saw took my breath away. There stood a young woman I had met at CYIA. A very beautiful young woman. One named Karis Monroe.

     This year at CYIA, I had the wonderful privilege of getting to know Karis better. She is such an amazing young woman, and I felt like there was a spark between the two of us. However, I had little doubt that she would turn a guy like me down (not sure why...). I felt that God wanted me to talk to her about a relationship though, so despite my doubt, I did. And to my surprise...she felt the same way. We felt that talking to her parents would be the next step towards a relationship, so we planned a weekend where we could do that. I took the 4 hour drive up to her house, and spent the better part of Saturday, and most of Sunday, with Karis and her family. Late Sunday afternoon we finally got around to talking about the relationship with her parents. After asking some very good questions, Karis' parents told us that they were happy to consent to a courtship between Karis and I. And so...as of the 31st of July, Karis and I are officially courting each other.

     I can't begin to describe how amazingly blessed I feel right now, but I think you can tell by the look on my face. Pretty much everything I've been experiencing over the last year has prepared me for this, and that just makes me that much more convinced that God truly wanted (and wants) this to happen. We are both very serious about seeing what God wants us to do in this part of our lives, and I'm sure that's part of the reason this is turning out so well and happening so quickly.

     On top of that, I'm now 99% funded for my trip to CMI!! I'll be leaving at 6am Wednesday, August 17th for Warrenton, Missouri. I'll be over there for 12 weeks learning about how to better minister to children. I'm really excited to see what God does through my training. I'm sure I will enjoy myself while I'm there. The only part I won't enjoy is not being able to see Karis for 12 weeks...but I know she'll still be here for me when I get back :)

     So both of these changes, my courtship with Karis and my training at CMI, are part of Act II in my life. God has me headed in a different direction now, and if the rest of the act is as amazing as what I've experienced so far, I can't wait to see what's up ahead.