Where God Provides, He is Guiding...

     I'm sure most of you have heard the saying, "Where God guides, God provides." We don't see the exact words in Scripture, but we do see their truth ring out in many, many passages. For instance, God guided the people of Israel out of Egypt and back to their homeland. He provided a way of escape through the Red Sea. He gave them shade and direction as the pillar of cloud, and light and warmth as the pillar of fire. He fed them, He quenched their thirst. The list goes on and on. And this is repeated throughout the Bible. God has always chosen to guide people to their destination for His glory, and He provides all that they need along the way.

     Sometimes, we don't see God guiding as well as we'd like. Why? Not because God isn't guiding, but because He is building our faith in Him. It is at these times that we need to switch the saying around. You might be thinking, "Jason, you can't do that. If you reverse the statement it won't mean the same thing." I beg to differ...and I can show you why through some basic mathematics. Let's say that we have 2 variables, A and B. If we say A = 5, and we say that B = 5, then we can also say that A = B. In the same way, we could also say that B = A. Because both variables are equal to 5, we can set them equal to each other, and it doesn't matter which ones comes first.

     If you're confused about variables, and thinking that you don't use mathematical basics like "variables" everyday...when was the last time you measured something? Or you asked the distance from one place to another? Those are all variables. When someone asks you for the length and width of your countertop piece at Home Depot, they are actually giving you two variables to solve for. You simply put in the length and width you measured at home. Wow...I dedicated a whole paragraph to a tangent. Back to our original statement...

     If "God guides" where "God provides", then we can also say that "God provides" where "God guides." They are both present in either situation, we just notice one before the other. Sometimes, we feel God calling us to do something or to go somewhere. We then see God provide us with the means to do or go as He has called us to. Other times, we see God provide something and we have no idea what it's for. We then see God call us to use that provision to do or go as He calls.

     In my own life, I see the first instance the most. God called me to go to Brasil on a missions trip during my senior year of high school, I then watched as He provided the funds to do so. God called me to learn more about Him through a Bible college. He provided Cornerstone: School Of Ministry at my church. God called me to minister to Children. He brought Child Evangelism Fellowship into my life so I could do just that.

     Recently, however, I've seen the opposite. God has provided some really amazing things in the past 3 weeks. I don't see Him guiding me in what to do with them, but at the same time, I do. Everything that He has provided in the last 3 weeks is guiding me into something that I can't even begin to explain. And yet, if I had never thought to flip the statement around, I would think that all of this was merely my own doing and that it wasn't from Him. Oh how wrong I would be to think that!!!

     As some of you might have seen on my recent facebook status, three years ago I was at a Bible study where went over Proverbs 3:5-6. Here's the passage so you can see for yourself: 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

     At the time I wondered, "I wonder what it means when it says God will direct my paths?" Now I see that God has been directing them this whole time. Starting almost exactly 3 years ago, I started to look at life differently. I began to see things through God's eyes. I started seeking His face in order to know what to do. And now I can see what that has changed in my life. I looked up the word used here for "direct." The word is yashur (yaw-sure) It means to make straight, right, pleasant or prosperous. So, in my mind, the verses become something like this:

Trust in God with everything you have

Rely on His knowledge

Do everything with His permission

And He will make your life better than you ever dreamed.

     Yeah...that pretty much sums it all up. I know where God is guiding me, because I can see where He is providing for me. (And yes...that means I'm really, really sure about the identity of the "gift". Like...98% sure...and no, I'm not telling you what it is.) I will continue to search out God's will for me, not because of the awesome benefits that it brings, although they are really awesome :), but because a life with Him is so much better than anything I could ever do on my own. Why would I ever want to go back to doing things my way?

Godspeed!
-Jason

Turned Around (Or: A Beautiful Letdown)

     As some of you readers may know, this year's 5 Day Club material from Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF) carries the theme "Turned Around". All of the stories relate to that theme and show the child how their life can be turned around by the power of God. And, although my life wasn't turned around from a life without Christ to one with Him, it was still turned around by the power of God. For those of you wishing I wasn't as vague, your wish is granted...at least in part. I won't be AS vague in this post, but there are some things that must still remain shrouded outside the light of this blog.

     I think that most of this starts back in January of 2009. It was then that I was finishing up my Senior year of high-school. Being home-schooled, my transcripts for any college applications had to be created by myself and my mom based on what I had learned. From a previous trip up north, I had my sights set on Multnomah University. And I easily would have enjoyed a great educational experience there, but finances prevented me from doing so. In order to go, I would need a key scholarship, one that I easily met the requirements for. So I prayed about it: If God wanted me at MU, then I'd get the scholarship, if He wanted me to enroll in my church's Bible college, then I wouldn't get the scholarship. Not too long after that, I received my "letter of apology" from MU saying that I hadn't been chosen to receive the scholarship. So...I went to Calvary Corvallis' Cornerstone: School of Ministry (CSOM).

     It was there that God showed me, through a potential relationship, that I needed to be seeking Him more. Of course, I didn't see that at the time, but I see it now. I hadn't really sought God's will for my life consistently before then, but looking back I can see how that's changed. I kept seeking God, and saw Him show me things that seemed like the relationship might actually be His will...but what He was actually doing was building my faith and trust in Him. If you have been following this blog for awhile, you can probably guess where this is headed...

     After 18 months of waiting and watching for God to give me the signal to talk to the young lady I had in mind, the signal finally came. So I talked to her. And the answer was...no. The strange thing is, I wasn't as torn up as you might think. In fact, I wasn't really torn up at all, just wondering what God was doing. I guess I had come to rely on Him so much that, regardless of the answer, I knew that whatever happened would be what God wanted to happen. Somehow I knew that it was God behind it, yet it wasn't a conscious knowledge. It took some more waiting and searching for my mind to catch up with my soul and understand that God had something else in mind.

     That was May 31st, this year. It took a few days for me to realize God might have a different plan in mind. And that's when staff training for Christian Youth In Action (CYIA) came around. It was there that I realized that being staff with CEF wasn't actually as hard as I thought it would be. Almost like I had been made to work in CEF. Don't know why I didn't see that sooner. Then, 2 weeks back, we had the full week of CYIA, and after all of my staff duties there, I can seriously see working with CEF as where God has called me for the indefinite future.

     Which brings us to this week, the inspiration for the title of this post. Like I said in my last post (Scroll down and read it if you haven't yet) God answered a key prayer over the week of CYIA, and I had another one lined up for Him to answer. He answered that prayer with a yes as well. So I gave Him another prayer to answer...and on Wednesday (June 29th) He answered it too with a yes. So needless to say, after three prayers all answered with a yes in a 2 week period, I'm rather excited. But back to the title of this post...

     In a way, my life has been turned around. What was a letdown has become a beautiful letdown. So it went from being negative to being positive. A definite case of something being turned around. As Switchfoot put it in a song once:

It was a beautiful let down,

When you found me here,

Yeah for once in a rare blue moon

I see everything clear.

     As for the identity of that gift I keep talking about, the one behind the stained glass door, I might just know what it is this time. And while I remain happily optimistic that I really do know what it is, if I happen to be wrong, I know that its for the best. As I recently saw on Facebook: It's funny how I come up with my own plan of how I want my life to be and then God shows me some of His and I think "why did I ever think mine was good?" :) That's definitely how I feel right now. And no, I'm not telling you what I think is behind the door. I'm saving it so that I can shock you all later on.

The Best Week Ever May Have More Yet To Say...

     OK, so...Christian Youth In Action 2011 was the best CYIA week yet! And I feel that as time passes, additional treasures may reveal themselves. Many thanks to my fellow Dorm 22 guys, Team #1 students and amazing staff for making this year's training camp so awesome!

     I believe there's a lot of stuff God has changed in me over the last week...I just can't see it yet. Being a Counselor for Dorm 22, Team Trainer for Team #1 and handling various other staff duties was an incredible experience, and it has me pumped for everything that's going to happen over the summer and what's going to happen at CMI. I know God has called me there, and I'm excited to see where He'll have me go afterwards. For now though, I'm focused on doing what I'm called to do during the summer. Which may or may not include finding out what the true identity of the gift behind the ever-present stained glass door is.

     As I think back on what happened this week, I'm pretty sure that I'm holding an answer to prayer in my hands **GRABS CYIA AUTOGRAPH PAGE** Yep...pretty sure...here's hoping God answers the next prayer just as quickly. What am I talking about? Well...some of you might know...but once again, it will remain a secret until it deserves to be revealed.

     So perhaps there are things I missed slightly...were somethings more than what they seemed? Did you actually mean...? Cause if you did...why didn't you say anything? Is there things that should not have been left unsaid?

A Gift

     That is what lies behind the stained glass door. A gift. One that I can enjoy, but also, one that I can enhance. I know the essence of the gift, some of what it contains, but I do not know all. I don't know what kind of wrapping this gift comes in, or all of it's details, but the essence is enough to enable a search & confirm mission. Basically, anything that matches what I know is part of the gift is potentially the true form of the gift. So, it's my job to go out, find those potential gifts and lift them up to God in order to find the true form of the gift that lies behind the stained glass door. Right now, I'm in the process of doing just that, and I've found a few things that the gift might be, but God hasn't returned the results of my inquiries over to me yet. For now, they remain with Him.

     With all that's happened recently, I don't blame Him for keeping the answers to Himself for the time being. But, that brings me to wonder just what the purpose was behind recent events. Did He remove one thing so I could see what would take it's place? Did He remove something so that I would see something else entirely? Hopefully I'll know the answers to those questions soon...maybe within the month...

     Regardless, I still need to be focused primarily on what God has me doing right now in CEF. But if God has called me into a lifelong work of serving within CEF, does that mean that the true form of the gift is somehow related? Does it mean that my current guess as to the true form of the gift is correct? I suppose all will be revealed when I need to know...but if it is...then, will I find out at the end...?

     Anyway, can't wait to be part of CYIA again this year. I wonder who God's going to put on my team...hmm...

Why a "Hero"?

     Over the last week, life has drastically changed for me. But at the same time, it hasn't changed at all. If you've been following this blog, or look back at the more recent posts, you'll see talk of steps and how those steps played out. As I type this I can say that those steps were needed and were meant for a purpose...I just don't know what the purpose is yet. In order to better understand what I'm talking about, let's look back at where the steps truly started...

     August 2009 is where this series of steps had it's beginning. It was there that I finally decided to man up to what God had called me to do: become the hero that He wanted me to be. I knew what I had to do, but I wasn't able to do it by myself. God didn't expect me to do it all by my lonesome, but I thought I did. It was after this that I attended Cornerstone: School of Ministry (CSOM) at my home church. I received teaching on every aspect of the Bible (although only in small parts, as that's a lot of ground to cover) and got the initial inkling of what things might have been to come. I realized that God had called me into ministry: to be a hero to the children who don't know Christ.

     From my first understanding of "The Steps", to now is a total of 18 months. During those 18 months I saw God speak to me like never before. I would ask Him to confirm things through a specific sign, and shortly afterward, there would be that sign. I believed, at the time, that this was proof of a surety of the things asked for, but it was not. I may have had questions for God to answer...but they were vague, and to rely on them would be like relying upon a globe to find my way from my house to Portland. I've come to that realization now...which makes it that much easier for me to understand.

     And so, after 18 months of waiting and seeking God on the whole matter, I initiated "The Steps", believing that I knew what was going to happen...I was wrong. What I expected to happen was not even close to what actually went down, and the results sent me reeling. It took some time to settle in, but I've come to realize that God is using everything that He showed me these last 18 months to try and teach me something. Which is what I'm trying to find out.

     I think it has something to do with being a hero. Sure I'm a hero to the kids that don't know Jesus, or at least I'm trying to be. But I'm also called to be so much more than that. Now is the time that God is using to mold me into the hero I need to be for my future wife, and future kids. Each area is a little different, but in each I have the same power source: a never-ending, always loving Savior. That's why this blog is named the way it is. The landscape for a hero is his life's circumstances. His power source is the One True God. His purpose is to point others, whether it be his wife, kids or those without Christ, to God's ultimate sacrifice and will for them to grow in Him.

     Which brings me back to "The Steps". My life has changed drastically, in that my entire outlook on life has shifted as I've come to understand my own ignorance and lack of faith in my requests to God made over the past 18 months and their eventual epitome. Now I look forward to what God has for me, no matter where it comes from. But at the same time, it really hasn't changed, because nothing has actually "happened".

     Although, one other thing has changed. My image of the Stained Glass Door. I've come to understand that what I see through the glass is not something specific, but rather, some of the contents of what the door is guarding. This limits the possibilities, but prevents knowing the exact object until the door is opened.

     And so I continue my quest. Although now it is not to find exactly what is behind this Stained Glass Door. Instead I will be searching for whatever I can find that carries the essence of the hidden treasure behind the door, and lifting it up to God in prayer to discern whether or not what I have found is actually what I was looking for.

Step 2: Completed

     So, another step towards opening the stained glass door was taken Friday. And, although the results were unexpected, Step 3 is still scheduled to happen, just with a slight revision. So, more like a Step 3, revision b. Right now, I really don't know what to think...

     The results of Step 2 were entirely unexpected. I knew of a large amount of possibilities, but, of course, I don't know everything. After Step 2's completion, I was kind of like, "WHAT THE HECK!?!" Debriefing was weird...I mean, I've always had my doubts about what was behind the door, but I trusted in what I believed God had told me. But after the results from Step 2, what God had told me before was pretty much all I had. It made me look back on what had been passed between Him and I.

     It's here that I run into a choice. A choice that I've come across many times in my life. A choice that I'm finally beginning to understand. I can do what I want, what other people want. Or, I can do what God wants.

     In the case of the stained glass door, it has seemed that God had asked, "Jason, what do you want to be behind it?"  I could have chosen anything. But I didn't. I didn't want to choose. To choose, even when God gave me the choice, feels to me as doing what I want, instead of what He wants. And so I turned it around. I answered and said, "What I want behind the stained glass door, is whatever you would like to put there."

     Which leads me back to the steps I'm currently going through. I wanted God to choose what was behind the door. And so He did. And I believe He has told me what He put behind it. So now it comes down to this: do I believe that what God told is true? Or do I side with my personal doubts and the statements of those around me and believe that there is something else behind it?

     Personally, I've chosen to side with what God has said. It may not be what I see around me. It may not be what other people think will happen. But if God has said something will happen, then it will happen, I just need to watch and wait for it to happen.

     EDIT 5/30/11: Well, that didn't end how I expected it. Basically, Step 3 never got under way, at least on my end, because of the intervention of a greater power: God. Like it or not, I'm not at a very dangerous place. Not knowing where to go or whether to trust what God said before, or what He seems to be saying now. I guess it times like these, where you don't think you can trust God anymore, that your trust in Him is strengthened beyond what a normal situation would produce.

     So now I'm left with a new choice. I can believe in what God has told me before, and believe that what He told me is behind the Stained Glass Door is there, or I can believe in what seems to be God now, and expect something else behind the door. Regardless, there is going to be some serious soul searching going on in the next few days. If you are reading this, please pray that God would show what He wants me to do, and that I wouldn't be too stubborn minded to see it.

Step 1: INITIATED

     It has begun. What exactly? Well, let me explain. As many of you have probably read in my blog posts, I've always talked about a stained glass door that has been following me around for awhile now. Of course, this is just an analogy for what is really going on, I don't really have a door floating around behind me. Anyway, I've been feeling that the time to open the door and see what stands behind has been coming closer.

     With some recent developments, I believe that the time to open the door is here. There's a little bit of a process to get this thing open, so I've developed a series of steps to proceed through in order to open the door. Step 1 has already been initiated, and is currently in progress. There are 3 more steps after Step 1 is finished, and should each step go successfully, I'll post the results here. In the meantime, you can see which step I'm currently on by watching my Facebook page.