It's A Puzzling life!

     I think that our life is a puzzling one. Not because it puzzles me, but because it IS a puzzle. A very long puzzle. Let me see if I can help you understand what I mean. First off, we'll take a look at how this puzzle works, and then take a look at the pieces.

     God knows what your life is going to contain, but you don't. Instead, when you are born, you find the left side of your puzzle. As your life goes on, the puzzle starts to get filled in, like a slide show of pictures from your life. The piece that comes next is always one that God chooses. Of course, as we get older God moves from placing the pieces, to letting us place the pieces. As humans we want to control our life. So it's then that we need to start asking God where the piece goes.

     Anyway, on to the pieces. Each puzzle piece is part of your life. It could be a job, a car, a friend, etc. Sometimes the piece has one thing on it, and sometimes it only has part of it. As God guides us forward we start to see what's coming next by looking at what piece we just put in.

     Other times, God has us start building a puzzle withing a puzzle. If you enjoy puzzles, you'll know what I'm talking about. As your building any larger puzzle, it makes it easier to build smaller portions of the puzzle outside of the frame. Maybe it's a house or a group of flowers, but whatever it is, you put together 5 or 6 pieces and get a bigger piece. It's then much easier to see where it fits, because you have to fit all of them in the same space.

     In my case, I've been building two of those sorts of puzzles within puzzles. One, would be my ministry with children. I've been building that one since my brother was born. I've always been teaching or hanging out with those younger than me. Then I started working with CEF, and now I'm at CMI. So little bits of the puzzle have already gone in. But some pieces have also been put aside into a small puzzle.

     The second one, is a small puzzle of Karis. I haven't been building this puzzle as long as the first one, and at first I didn't know that it was Karis. It just took some more pieces to see that it was her. I don't know where she fits just quite yet, but I can see some similarities between the pieces I'm putting together, and the pieces that make up the smaller one of Karis. So I think it should fit in somewhere up here soon. And I think I know how...

     I'm sure if you've been reading my blog for awhile you'll know what I'm talking about. But if you haven't read my previous posts...well, now you have some incentive to go and read them. I'll give you a hint: there was talk of a "strangely colored portal" with a "ribbon touting box" waiting behind it. If you think about it, I'm sure it's fairly obvious :P

Puzzling, isn't it?
- Jason

It Comes In Pieces...

     As I left my home on Wednesday morning at close to 2 am, I only started to realize just what I was going to be doing for the next 12 weeks. I felt as if everything was going according to God's plan, but at the same time, it felt like I was on my back. I wasn't there because I wanted to be, but because Satan had tripped me. And it took me a few days to realize that.

     Here's the background story to get you up to speed. 7 weeks ago, I talked to Karis about my feelings for her. She told me that she shared my feelings, and we started to talk more often. Almost 3 weeks ago, we talked to her parents about starting a more serious relationship, and they approved. Last weekend I got spend most of Saturday with Karis up in Oregon City. So...you can probably guess the huge amount of emotions I'm feeling. These emotions are all good and in good time, but Satan had a plan to try and trip me up because of them. He thought that He could keep me down by making me afraid of leaving Karis back in Oregon.

     You see, Wednesday morning, I left for Warrenton, Missouri to take part in the Fall term of Children's Ministries Institute (CMI). So the stress of preparing for 12 weeks in another state, and the emotions I feel for Karis all added up to a big target on my chest. Satan wanted to take advantage of this overload of emotions, both good and bad, and make me trip. And he succeeded in doing so. What he failed to realize is that God would make me stronger because of it.

     I'll admit, after arriving here Wednesday afternoon, and after eating dinner with the rest of the CMI students and staff, I went up to my dorm and started to cry. It felt like everything God had pointed me towards was now out of my future, never to return. I was on my back. I couldn't see what God was really doing. But the wonderful thing about being on your back is...you are looking straight up in to the eyes of Jesus.

     After a few minutes of crying, I looked over and saw a book, one I hadn't finished before I left, sitting on my desk. I'm glad I brought it. It was through this book that God showed me what He was doing. The last line in the last chapter spoke on where people can find true happiness in life. When we focus on spending time with God, doing what He shows us to do, and becoming who He wants us to become, we will experience the natural by-product of our efforts: joy.

     I finished reading the chapter, and took a walk around the CMI campus. I started praying, and all of a sudden what I read clicked. As if God had reached down His hand and puled me back up onto my feet so that I could see the path in front of me. God wanted me here at CMI. He wanted me to take this time away from Karis. Why? So that in the end, He would have all of the glory.

     You see, if I take the next 12 weeks and use them to deepen my relationship with God and learn more about what it is He wants me doing (ministering to children), then that makes me more like His Son. But not because I did the work, but because God worked in me: He gets the glory, not me. The same goes for my relationship with Karis. Usually being separated causes relationships to fade. But I have no doubt that Karis and I will only grow closer because of this separation. It can't be because of what I'm doing, because I'm not in Oregon! So it must be because of God, which means that He gets the glory.

     All of this is part of my life...and it comes in pieces. My life is a giant jigsaw puzzle that God is building. So naturally, it comes in pieces. We take the pieces, and start to build our own puzzle of life. Most of the time, we see God handing us the next piece, and showing us where to put it. But I think that sometimes, we get so blinded by how good the puzzle looks so far, that God has to let us fall on our backs. It's only then that we realize He's holding the next puzzle piece right above our heads. The next puzzle piece I have is part of CMI, which will be made up of quite a few puzzle pieces. And it's going to take the next 12 weeks to put them in their rightful places. Please pray for me during these weeks!

May God guide you as you build your own life puzzle!

- Jason

The Curtain Rises on Act II...

     I spoke in my last post about how God provides and guides in our lives. At the time I wrote that, exactly 25 days ago, I was very unsure as to where God was leading me with what He was providing. I knew that if I sought Him truthfully, the path I needed to walk would reveal itself to me as I needed to know. Looking back on what has happened, I see that I was approaching what is best described as the end of Act I. And what follows for awhile here (Italicized to denote it from non-analogy text), will be with that analogy in mind:

     The curtain fell leaving the protagonist (that's me) at a cliffhanger, as all the best acts do, and I desperately wanted to start the next next act and see what was going to happen to me. You see, in this play, none of the actors are given a script. They must follow the cues from the Director (God) for the play to go smoothly. As I waited for the stage to be set for the next act, I consulted the Director about what was up next. He went through some of the signals He was going to use soon, and I realized that I had seen similar signals before. He had been preparing me for what He was going to do. But I wasn't prepared for what was about to come...

     The stage was set, so I took my spot on stage and waited for the curtain to rise. The lights went down, I took a deep breath and watched as the curtain rose. The stage was dark save for where I stood. A light came on to my left. I looked over and what I saw took my breath away. There stood a young woman I had met at CYIA. A very beautiful young woman. One named Karis Monroe.

     This year at CYIA, I had the wonderful privilege of getting to know Karis better. She is such an amazing young woman, and I felt like there was a spark between the two of us. However, I had little doubt that she would turn a guy like me down (not sure why...). I felt that God wanted me to talk to her about a relationship though, so despite my doubt, I did. And to my surprise...she felt the same way. We felt that talking to her parents would be the next step towards a relationship, so we planned a weekend where we could do that. I took the 4 hour drive up to her house, and spent the better part of Saturday, and most of Sunday, with Karis and her family. Late Sunday afternoon we finally got around to talking about the relationship with her parents. After asking some very good questions, Karis' parents told us that they were happy to consent to a courtship between Karis and I. And so...as of the 31st of July, Karis and I are officially courting each other.

     I can't begin to describe how amazingly blessed I feel right now, but I think you can tell by the look on my face. Pretty much everything I've been experiencing over the last year has prepared me for this, and that just makes me that much more convinced that God truly wanted (and wants) this to happen. We are both very serious about seeing what God wants us to do in this part of our lives, and I'm sure that's part of the reason this is turning out so well and happening so quickly.

     On top of that, I'm now 99% funded for my trip to CMI!! I'll be leaving at 6am Wednesday, August 17th for Warrenton, Missouri. I'll be over there for 12 weeks learning about how to better minister to children. I'm really excited to see what God does through my training. I'm sure I will enjoy myself while I'm there. The only part I won't enjoy is not being able to see Karis for 12 weeks...but I know she'll still be here for me when I get back :)

     So both of these changes, my courtship with Karis and my training at CMI, are part of Act II in my life. God has me headed in a different direction now, and if the rest of the act is as amazing as what I've experienced so far, I can't wait to see what's up ahead.

Where God Provides, He is Guiding...

     I'm sure most of you have heard the saying, "Where God guides, God provides." We don't see the exact words in Scripture, but we do see their truth ring out in many, many passages. For instance, God guided the people of Israel out of Egypt and back to their homeland. He provided a way of escape through the Red Sea. He gave them shade and direction as the pillar of cloud, and light and warmth as the pillar of fire. He fed them, He quenched their thirst. The list goes on and on. And this is repeated throughout the Bible. God has always chosen to guide people to their destination for His glory, and He provides all that they need along the way.

     Sometimes, we don't see God guiding as well as we'd like. Why? Not because God isn't guiding, but because He is building our faith in Him. It is at these times that we need to switch the saying around. You might be thinking, "Jason, you can't do that. If you reverse the statement it won't mean the same thing." I beg to differ...and I can show you why through some basic mathematics. Let's say that we have 2 variables, A and B. If we say A = 5, and we say that B = 5, then we can also say that A = B. In the same way, we could also say that B = A. Because both variables are equal to 5, we can set them equal to each other, and it doesn't matter which ones comes first.

     If you're confused about variables, and thinking that you don't use mathematical basics like "variables" everyday...when was the last time you measured something? Or you asked the distance from one place to another? Those are all variables. When someone asks you for the length and width of your countertop piece at Home Depot, they are actually giving you two variables to solve for. You simply put in the length and width you measured at home. Wow...I dedicated a whole paragraph to a tangent. Back to our original statement...

     If "God guides" where "God provides", then we can also say that "God provides" where "God guides." They are both present in either situation, we just notice one before the other. Sometimes, we feel God calling us to do something or to go somewhere. We then see God provide us with the means to do or go as He has called us to. Other times, we see God provide something and we have no idea what it's for. We then see God call us to use that provision to do or go as He calls.

     In my own life, I see the first instance the most. God called me to go to Brasil on a missions trip during my senior year of high school, I then watched as He provided the funds to do so. God called me to learn more about Him through a Bible college. He provided Cornerstone: School Of Ministry at my church. God called me to minister to Children. He brought Child Evangelism Fellowship into my life so I could do just that.

     Recently, however, I've seen the opposite. God has provided some really amazing things in the past 3 weeks. I don't see Him guiding me in what to do with them, but at the same time, I do. Everything that He has provided in the last 3 weeks is guiding me into something that I can't even begin to explain. And yet, if I had never thought to flip the statement around, I would think that all of this was merely my own doing and that it wasn't from Him. Oh how wrong I would be to think that!!!

     As some of you might have seen on my recent facebook status, three years ago I was at a Bible study where went over Proverbs 3:5-6. Here's the passage so you can see for yourself: 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

     At the time I wondered, "I wonder what it means when it says God will direct my paths?" Now I see that God has been directing them this whole time. Starting almost exactly 3 years ago, I started to look at life differently. I began to see things through God's eyes. I started seeking His face in order to know what to do. And now I can see what that has changed in my life. I looked up the word used here for "direct." The word is yashur (yaw-sure) It means to make straight, right, pleasant or prosperous. So, in my mind, the verses become something like this:

Trust in God with everything you have

Rely on His knowledge

Do everything with His permission

And He will make your life better than you ever dreamed.

     Yeah...that pretty much sums it all up. I know where God is guiding me, because I can see where He is providing for me. (And yes...that means I'm really, really sure about the identity of the "gift". Like...98% sure...and no, I'm not telling you what it is.) I will continue to search out God's will for me, not because of the awesome benefits that it brings, although they are really awesome :), but because a life with Him is so much better than anything I could ever do on my own. Why would I ever want to go back to doing things my way?

Godspeed!
-Jason

Turned Around (Or: A Beautiful Letdown)

     As some of you readers may know, this year's 5 Day Club material from Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF) carries the theme "Turned Around". All of the stories relate to that theme and show the child how their life can be turned around by the power of God. And, although my life wasn't turned around from a life without Christ to one with Him, it was still turned around by the power of God. For those of you wishing I wasn't as vague, your wish is granted...at least in part. I won't be AS vague in this post, but there are some things that must still remain shrouded outside the light of this blog.

     I think that most of this starts back in January of 2009. It was then that I was finishing up my Senior year of high-school. Being home-schooled, my transcripts for any college applications had to be created by myself and my mom based on what I had learned. From a previous trip up north, I had my sights set on Multnomah University. And I easily would have enjoyed a great educational experience there, but finances prevented me from doing so. In order to go, I would need a key scholarship, one that I easily met the requirements for. So I prayed about it: If God wanted me at MU, then I'd get the scholarship, if He wanted me to enroll in my church's Bible college, then I wouldn't get the scholarship. Not too long after that, I received my "letter of apology" from MU saying that I hadn't been chosen to receive the scholarship. So...I went to Calvary Corvallis' Cornerstone: School of Ministry (CSOM).

     It was there that God showed me, through a potential relationship, that I needed to be seeking Him more. Of course, I didn't see that at the time, but I see it now. I hadn't really sought God's will for my life consistently before then, but looking back I can see how that's changed. I kept seeking God, and saw Him show me things that seemed like the relationship might actually be His will...but what He was actually doing was building my faith and trust in Him. If you have been following this blog for awhile, you can probably guess where this is headed...

     After 18 months of waiting and watching for God to give me the signal to talk to the young lady I had in mind, the signal finally came. So I talked to her. And the answer was...no. The strange thing is, I wasn't as torn up as you might think. In fact, I wasn't really torn up at all, just wondering what God was doing. I guess I had come to rely on Him so much that, regardless of the answer, I knew that whatever happened would be what God wanted to happen. Somehow I knew that it was God behind it, yet it wasn't a conscious knowledge. It took some more waiting and searching for my mind to catch up with my soul and understand that God had something else in mind.

     That was May 31st, this year. It took a few days for me to realize God might have a different plan in mind. And that's when staff training for Christian Youth In Action (CYIA) came around. It was there that I realized that being staff with CEF wasn't actually as hard as I thought it would be. Almost like I had been made to work in CEF. Don't know why I didn't see that sooner. Then, 2 weeks back, we had the full week of CYIA, and after all of my staff duties there, I can seriously see working with CEF as where God has called me for the indefinite future.

     Which brings us to this week, the inspiration for the title of this post. Like I said in my last post (Scroll down and read it if you haven't yet) God answered a key prayer over the week of CYIA, and I had another one lined up for Him to answer. He answered that prayer with a yes as well. So I gave Him another prayer to answer...and on Wednesday (June 29th) He answered it too with a yes. So needless to say, after three prayers all answered with a yes in a 2 week period, I'm rather excited. But back to the title of this post...

     In a way, my life has been turned around. What was a letdown has become a beautiful letdown. So it went from being negative to being positive. A definite case of something being turned around. As Switchfoot put it in a song once:

It was a beautiful let down,

When you found me here,

Yeah for once in a rare blue moon

I see everything clear.

     As for the identity of that gift I keep talking about, the one behind the stained glass door, I might just know what it is this time. And while I remain happily optimistic that I really do know what it is, if I happen to be wrong, I know that its for the best. As I recently saw on Facebook: It's funny how I come up with my own plan of how I want my life to be and then God shows me some of His and I think "why did I ever think mine was good?" :) That's definitely how I feel right now. And no, I'm not telling you what I think is behind the door. I'm saving it so that I can shock you all later on.

The Best Week Ever May Have More Yet To Say...

     OK, so...Christian Youth In Action 2011 was the best CYIA week yet! And I feel that as time passes, additional treasures may reveal themselves. Many thanks to my fellow Dorm 22 guys, Team #1 students and amazing staff for making this year's training camp so awesome!

     I believe there's a lot of stuff God has changed in me over the last week...I just can't see it yet. Being a Counselor for Dorm 22, Team Trainer for Team #1 and handling various other staff duties was an incredible experience, and it has me pumped for everything that's going to happen over the summer and what's going to happen at CMI. I know God has called me there, and I'm excited to see where He'll have me go afterwards. For now though, I'm focused on doing what I'm called to do during the summer. Which may or may not include finding out what the true identity of the gift behind the ever-present stained glass door is.

     As I think back on what happened this week, I'm pretty sure that I'm holding an answer to prayer in my hands **GRABS CYIA AUTOGRAPH PAGE** Yep...pretty sure...here's hoping God answers the next prayer just as quickly. What am I talking about? Well...some of you might know...but once again, it will remain a secret until it deserves to be revealed.

     So perhaps there are things I missed slightly...were somethings more than what they seemed? Did you actually mean...? Cause if you did...why didn't you say anything? Is there things that should not have been left unsaid?

A Gift

     That is what lies behind the stained glass door. A gift. One that I can enjoy, but also, one that I can enhance. I know the essence of the gift, some of what it contains, but I do not know all. I don't know what kind of wrapping this gift comes in, or all of it's details, but the essence is enough to enable a search & confirm mission. Basically, anything that matches what I know is part of the gift is potentially the true form of the gift. So, it's my job to go out, find those potential gifts and lift them up to God in order to find the true form of the gift that lies behind the stained glass door. Right now, I'm in the process of doing just that, and I've found a few things that the gift might be, but God hasn't returned the results of my inquiries over to me yet. For now, they remain with Him.

     With all that's happened recently, I don't blame Him for keeping the answers to Himself for the time being. But, that brings me to wonder just what the purpose was behind recent events. Did He remove one thing so I could see what would take it's place? Did He remove something so that I would see something else entirely? Hopefully I'll know the answers to those questions soon...maybe within the month...

     Regardless, I still need to be focused primarily on what God has me doing right now in CEF. But if God has called me into a lifelong work of serving within CEF, does that mean that the true form of the gift is somehow related? Does it mean that my current guess as to the true form of the gift is correct? I suppose all will be revealed when I need to know...but if it is...then, will I find out at the end...?

     Anyway, can't wait to be part of CYIA again this year. I wonder who God's going to put on my team...hmm...