OK, so...Christian Youth In Action 2011 was the best CYIA week yet! And I feel that as time passes, additional treasures may reveal themselves. Many thanks to my fellow Dorm 22 guys, Team #1 students and amazing staff for making this year's training camp so awesome!
I believe there's a lot of stuff God has changed in me over the last week...I just can't see it yet. Being a Counselor for Dorm 22, Team Trainer for Team #1 and handling various other staff duties was an incredible experience, and it has me pumped for everything that's going to happen over the summer and what's going to happen at CMI. I know God has called me there, and I'm excited to see where He'll have me go afterwards. For now though, I'm focused on doing what I'm called to do during the summer. Which may or may not include finding out what the true identity of the gift behind the ever-present stained glass door is.
As I think back on what happened this week, I'm pretty sure that I'm holding an answer to prayer in my hands **GRABS CYIA AUTOGRAPH PAGE** Yep...pretty sure...here's hoping God answers the next prayer just as quickly. What am I talking about? Well...some of you might know...but once again, it will remain a secret until it deserves to be revealed.
So perhaps there are things I missed slightly...were somethings more than what they seemed? Did you actually mean...? Cause if you did...why didn't you say anything? Is there things that should not have been left unsaid?
Becoming the man God wants me to be...
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
A Gift
That is what lies behind the stained glass door. A gift. One that I can enjoy, but also, one that I can enhance. I know the essence of the gift, some of what it contains, but I do not know all. I don't know what kind of wrapping this gift comes in, or all of it's details, but the essence is enough to enable a search & confirm mission. Basically, anything that matches what I know is part of the gift is potentially the true form of the gift. So, it's my job to go out, find those potential gifts and lift them up to God in order to find the true form of the gift that lies behind the stained glass door. Right now, I'm in the process of doing just that, and I've found a few things that the gift might be, but God hasn't returned the results of my inquiries over to me yet. For now, they remain with Him.
With all that's happened recently, I don't blame Him for keeping the answers to Himself for the time being. But, that brings me to wonder just what the purpose was behind recent events. Did He remove one thing so I could see what would take it's place? Did He remove something so that I would see something else entirely? Hopefully I'll know the answers to those questions soon...maybe within the month...
Regardless, I still need to be focused primarily on what God has me doing right now in CEF. But if God has called me into a lifelong work of serving within CEF, does that mean that the true form of the gift is somehow related? Does it mean that my current guess as to the true form of the gift is correct? I suppose all will be revealed when I need to know...but if it is...then, will I find out at the end...?
Anyway, can't wait to be part of CYIA again this year. I wonder who God's going to put on my team...hmm...
With all that's happened recently, I don't blame Him for keeping the answers to Himself for the time being. But, that brings me to wonder just what the purpose was behind recent events. Did He remove one thing so I could see what would take it's place? Did He remove something so that I would see something else entirely? Hopefully I'll know the answers to those questions soon...maybe within the month...
Regardless, I still need to be focused primarily on what God has me doing right now in CEF. But if God has called me into a lifelong work of serving within CEF, does that mean that the true form of the gift is somehow related? Does it mean that my current guess as to the true form of the gift is correct? I suppose all will be revealed when I need to know...but if it is...then, will I find out at the end...?
Anyway, can't wait to be part of CYIA again this year. I wonder who God's going to put on my team...hmm...
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Why a "Hero"?
Over the last week, life has drastically changed for me. But at the same time, it hasn't changed at all. If you've been following this blog, or look back at the more recent posts, you'll see talk of steps and how those steps played out. As I type this I can say that those steps were needed and were meant for a purpose...I just don't know what the purpose is yet. In order to better understand what I'm talking about, let's look back at where the steps truly started...
August 2009 is where this series of steps had it's beginning. It was there that I finally decided to man up to what God had called me to do: become the hero that He wanted me to be. I knew what I had to do, but I wasn't able to do it by myself. God didn't expect me to do it all by my lonesome, but I thought I did. It was after this that I attended Cornerstone: School of Ministry (CSOM) at my home church. I received teaching on every aspect of the Bible (although only in small parts, as that's a lot of ground to cover) and got the initial inkling of what things might have been to come. I realized that God had called me into ministry: to be a hero to the children who don't know Christ.
From my first understanding of "The Steps", to now is a total of 18 months. During those 18 months I saw God speak to me like never before. I would ask Him to confirm things through a specific sign, and shortly afterward, there would be that sign. I believed, at the time, that this was proof of a surety of the things asked for, but it was not. I may have had questions for God to answer...but they were vague, and to rely on them would be like relying upon a globe to find my way from my house to Portland. I've come to that realization now...which makes it that much easier for me to understand.
And so, after 18 months of waiting and seeking God on the whole matter, I initiated "The Steps", believing that I knew what was going to happen...I was wrong. What I expected to happen was not even close to what actually went down, and the results sent me reeling. It took some time to settle in, but I've come to realize that God is using everything that He showed me these last 18 months to try and teach me something. Which is what I'm trying to find out.
I think it has something to do with being a hero. Sure I'm a hero to the kids that don't know Jesus, or at least I'm trying to be. But I'm also called to be so much more than that. Now is the time that God is using to mold me into the hero I need to be for my future wife, and future kids. Each area is a little different, but in each I have the same power source: a never-ending, always loving Savior. That's why this blog is named the way it is. The landscape for a hero is his life's circumstances. His power source is the One True God. His purpose is to point others, whether it be his wife, kids or those without Christ, to God's ultimate sacrifice and will for them to grow in Him.
Which brings me back to "The Steps". My life has changed drastically, in that my entire outlook on life has shifted as I've come to understand my own ignorance and lack of faith in my requests to God made over the past 18 months and their eventual epitome. Now I look forward to what God has for me, no matter where it comes from. But at the same time, it really hasn't changed, because nothing has actually "happened".
Although, one other thing has changed. My image of the Stained Glass Door. I've come to understand that what I see through the glass is not something specific, but rather, some of the contents of what the door is guarding. This limits the possibilities, but prevents knowing the exact object until the door is opened.
And so I continue my quest. Although now it is not to find exactly what is behind this Stained Glass Door. Instead I will be searching for whatever I can find that carries the essence of the hidden treasure behind the door, and lifting it up to God in prayer to discern whether or not what I have found is actually what I was looking for.
August 2009 is where this series of steps had it's beginning. It was there that I finally decided to man up to what God had called me to do: become the hero that He wanted me to be. I knew what I had to do, but I wasn't able to do it by myself. God didn't expect me to do it all by my lonesome, but I thought I did. It was after this that I attended Cornerstone: School of Ministry (CSOM) at my home church. I received teaching on every aspect of the Bible (although only in small parts, as that's a lot of ground to cover) and got the initial inkling of what things might have been to come. I realized that God had called me into ministry: to be a hero to the children who don't know Christ.
From my first understanding of "The Steps", to now is a total of 18 months. During those 18 months I saw God speak to me like never before. I would ask Him to confirm things through a specific sign, and shortly afterward, there would be that sign. I believed, at the time, that this was proof of a surety of the things asked for, but it was not. I may have had questions for God to answer...but they were vague, and to rely on them would be like relying upon a globe to find my way from my house to Portland. I've come to that realization now...which makes it that much easier for me to understand.
And so, after 18 months of waiting and seeking God on the whole matter, I initiated "The Steps", believing that I knew what was going to happen...I was wrong. What I expected to happen was not even close to what actually went down, and the results sent me reeling. It took some time to settle in, but I've come to realize that God is using everything that He showed me these last 18 months to try and teach me something. Which is what I'm trying to find out.
I think it has something to do with being a hero. Sure I'm a hero to the kids that don't know Jesus, or at least I'm trying to be. But I'm also called to be so much more than that. Now is the time that God is using to mold me into the hero I need to be for my future wife, and future kids. Each area is a little different, but in each I have the same power source: a never-ending, always loving Savior. That's why this blog is named the way it is. The landscape for a hero is his life's circumstances. His power source is the One True God. His purpose is to point others, whether it be his wife, kids or those without Christ, to God's ultimate sacrifice and will for them to grow in Him.
Which brings me back to "The Steps". My life has changed drastically, in that my entire outlook on life has shifted as I've come to understand my own ignorance and lack of faith in my requests to God made over the past 18 months and their eventual epitome. Now I look forward to what God has for me, no matter where it comes from. But at the same time, it really hasn't changed, because nothing has actually "happened".
Although, one other thing has changed. My image of the Stained Glass Door. I've come to understand that what I see through the glass is not something specific, but rather, some of the contents of what the door is guarding. This limits the possibilities, but prevents knowing the exact object until the door is opened.
And so I continue my quest. Although now it is not to find exactly what is behind this Stained Glass Door. Instead I will be searching for whatever I can find that carries the essence of the hidden treasure behind the door, and lifting it up to God in prayer to discern whether or not what I have found is actually what I was looking for.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Step 2: Completed
So, another step towards opening the stained glass door was taken Friday. And, although the results were unexpected, Step 3 is still scheduled to happen, just with a slight revision. So, more like a Step 3, revision b. Right now, I really don't know what to think...
The results of Step 2 were entirely unexpected. I knew of a large amount of possibilities, but, of course, I don't know everything. After Step 2's completion, I was kind of like, "WHAT THE HECK!?!" Debriefing was weird...I mean, I've always had my doubts about what was behind the door, but I trusted in what I believed God had told me. But after the results from Step 2, what God had told me before was pretty much all I had. It made me look back on what had been passed between Him and I.
It's here that I run into a choice. A choice that I've come across many times in my life. A choice that I'm finally beginning to understand. I can do what I want, what other people want. Or, I can do what God wants.
In the case of the stained glass door, it has seemed that God had asked, "Jason, what do you want to be behind it?" I could have chosen anything. But I didn't. I didn't want to choose. To choose, even when God gave me the choice, feels to me as doing what I want, instead of what He wants. And so I turned it around. I answered and said, "What I want behind the stained glass door, is whatever you would like to put there."
Which leads me back to the steps I'm currently going through. I wanted God to choose what was behind the door. And so He did. And I believe He has told me what He put behind it. So now it comes down to this: do I believe that what God told is true? Or do I side with my personal doubts and the statements of those around me and believe that there is something else behind it?
Personally, I've chosen to side with what God has said. It may not be what I see around me. It may not be what other people think will happen. But if God has said something will happen, then it will happen, I just need to watch and wait for it to happen.
EDIT 5/30/11: Well, that didn't end how I expected it. Basically, Step 3 never got under way, at least on my end, because of the intervention of a greater power: God. Like it or not, I'm not at a very dangerous place. Not knowing where to go or whether to trust what God said before, or what He seems to be saying now. I guess it times like these, where you don't think you can trust God anymore, that your trust in Him is strengthened beyond what a normal situation would produce.
So now I'm left with a new choice. I can believe in what God has told me before, and believe that what He told me is behind the Stained Glass Door is there, or I can believe in what seems to be God now, and expect something else behind the door. Regardless, there is going to be some serious soul searching going on in the next few days. If you are reading this, please pray that God would show what He wants me to do, and that I wouldn't be too stubborn minded to see it.
The results of Step 2 were entirely unexpected. I knew of a large amount of possibilities, but, of course, I don't know everything. After Step 2's completion, I was kind of like, "WHAT THE HECK!?!" Debriefing was weird...I mean, I've always had my doubts about what was behind the door, but I trusted in what I believed God had told me. But after the results from Step 2, what God had told me before was pretty much all I had. It made me look back on what had been passed between Him and I.
It's here that I run into a choice. A choice that I've come across many times in my life. A choice that I'm finally beginning to understand. I can do what I want, what other people want. Or, I can do what God wants.
In the case of the stained glass door, it has seemed that God had asked, "Jason, what do you want to be behind it?" I could have chosen anything. But I didn't. I didn't want to choose. To choose, even when God gave me the choice, feels to me as doing what I want, instead of what He wants. And so I turned it around. I answered and said, "What I want behind the stained glass door, is whatever you would like to put there."
Which leads me back to the steps I'm currently going through. I wanted God to choose what was behind the door. And so He did. And I believe He has told me what He put behind it. So now it comes down to this: do I believe that what God told is true? Or do I side with my personal doubts and the statements of those around me and believe that there is something else behind it?
Personally, I've chosen to side with what God has said. It may not be what I see around me. It may not be what other people think will happen. But if God has said something will happen, then it will happen, I just need to watch and wait for it to happen.
EDIT 5/30/11: Well, that didn't end how I expected it. Basically, Step 3 never got under way, at least on my end, because of the intervention of a greater power: God. Like it or not, I'm not at a very dangerous place. Not knowing where to go or whether to trust what God said before, or what He seems to be saying now. I guess it times like these, where you don't think you can trust God anymore, that your trust in Him is strengthened beyond what a normal situation would produce.
So now I'm left with a new choice. I can believe in what God has told me before, and believe that what He told me is behind the Stained Glass Door is there, or I can believe in what seems to be God now, and expect something else behind the door. Regardless, there is going to be some serious soul searching going on in the next few days. If you are reading this, please pray that God would show what He wants me to do, and that I wouldn't be too stubborn minded to see it.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Step 1: INITIATED
It has begun. What exactly? Well, let me explain. As many of you have probably read in my blog posts, I've always talked about a stained glass door that has been following me around for awhile now. Of course, this is just an analogy for what is really going on, I don't really have a door floating around behind me. Anyway, I've been feeling that the time to open the door and see what stands behind has been coming closer.
With some recent developments, I believe that the time to open the door is here. There's a little bit of a process to get this thing open, so I've developed a series of steps to proceed through in order to open the door. Step 1 has already been initiated, and is currently in progress. There are 3 more steps after Step 1 is finished, and should each step go successfully, I'll post the results here. In the meantime, you can see which step I'm currently on by watching my Facebook page.
With some recent developments, I believe that the time to open the door is here. There's a little bit of a process to get this thing open, so I've developed a series of steps to proceed through in order to open the door. Step 1 has already been initiated, and is currently in progress. There are 3 more steps after Step 1 is finished, and should each step go successfully, I'll post the results here. In the meantime, you can see which step I'm currently on by watching my Facebook page.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Best. Weekend. Ever.
Wow...Friday and Saturday were AMAZING. I mean, sure my car broke down at CYIA Pre-Training, but Pre-Training was the amazing part! Not only do I get to help with worship, but as a Studaff I also got to evaluate a practicum group, help with all sorts of Power Point and computer related issues and lead the devotional time for Saturday morning! Through all of it, God has shown me that this is where I am supposed to be, which is part of the amazing feeling. With the full week of training coming up in June, I can't wait to see what sorts of amazing things happen.
Speaking of amazing things, I'm going to be a Team Trainer this year. (For those of you who don't know, a Team Trainer is the leader of a group of 3-4 CYIA Students, and may possibly help out with the teaching themselves. A Team Trainer helps the students learn, study and teach the materials used during the CYIA Training Week's 5 Day Club.) I have no idea who is going to be on my team, but I'm super excited to help them grow in God, and experience what it is like to lead a child to Christ.
In other news, I've received a few posts on facebook saying that some of my status updates are too vague. I'll admit, they are a little scarce of details, but it's best that they stay that way for the time being. It appears that some people have already seen through the "vague updates" and know exactly what I'm talking about, but thankfully they are very trustworthy people and have not dispersed this knowledge to anyone else. For those of you who haven't seen the aforementioned "vague updates", rest assured that all will be revealed in good time. And it really will be in good time, since a lot of this whole thing is hinging on God, just like it should...although some people may disagree. What am I talking about? Just wait and see...
Speaking of amazing things, I'm going to be a Team Trainer this year. (For those of you who don't know, a Team Trainer is the leader of a group of 3-4 CYIA Students, and may possibly help out with the teaching themselves. A Team Trainer helps the students learn, study and teach the materials used during the CYIA Training Week's 5 Day Club.) I have no idea who is going to be on my team, but I'm super excited to help them grow in God, and experience what it is like to lead a child to Christ.
In other news, I've received a few posts on facebook saying that some of my status updates are too vague. I'll admit, they are a little scarce of details, but it's best that they stay that way for the time being. It appears that some people have already seen through the "vague updates" and know exactly what I'm talking about, but thankfully they are very trustworthy people and have not dispersed this knowledge to anyone else. For those of you who haven't seen the aforementioned "vague updates", rest assured that all will be revealed in good time. And it really will be in good time, since a lot of this whole thing is hinging on God, just like it should...although some people may disagree. What am I talking about? Just wait and see...
Monday, April 25, 2011
A New Season Enters The Queue...
Queue: N. ~ a line of people or objects to be dealt with, starting at the first item, then the second, etc. New items are added to the end of the line.
Life is a series of (No, not unfortunate) events. They are all added to the "Queue" as different things happen, and that queue is controlled by God. So if God wants something to happen, He adds it at the perfect time to the end of the queue so that you will experience it when He wants you to. And that's kinda what is happening now...
To start with, the Benton County CEF committee has approved my request to stay on with the local chapter during the summer to continue my work and training through my internship. As part of that, additional funds were needed to pay my way, both for the continued work and for the remaining money needed to fund my training at Children's Ministries Institute this Fall. With that in mind, I drove into work this morning to find that a very generous friend had decided to fund my cause with a $1000 check each of the 4 remaining months of my internship. That completely pays for my work from here to my trip, which means that any funds that come in from here on out are totally tax free, and completely dedicated to my CMI tuition.
On another note, some reading over the weekend revealed the effects of some dedicated help and patience, which was capped by some conversational discussion today. 17 months of waiting, and still the stained class door has remained closed. It has become clearer to see through as time has gone by, but the time has not come to open it yet. Though, what I've seen and heard over the last few days makes me believe that I will be led to open it soon. I'm sure I know what I will find behind the door, after all, God told me what was behind it right after the door appeared, but I don't think I'm completely ready to find out that what He said is true. And that is probably why it hasn't opened yet, since God knows I'm not ready and is protecting me from what could be a disaster if not timed correctly.
With all that said, a lot of things have been added to my life's "Queue". And although I can see what they look like from here, I have no idea what I'll be dealing with when they reach the front of the line. All I can do is pray and trust that God will make sure I'm prepared for whatever I have to face when the time comes.
Life is a series of (No, not unfortunate) events. They are all added to the "Queue" as different things happen, and that queue is controlled by God. So if God wants something to happen, He adds it at the perfect time to the end of the queue so that you will experience it when He wants you to. And that's kinda what is happening now...
To start with, the Benton County CEF committee has approved my request to stay on with the local chapter during the summer to continue my work and training through my internship. As part of that, additional funds were needed to pay my way, both for the continued work and for the remaining money needed to fund my training at Children's Ministries Institute this Fall. With that in mind, I drove into work this morning to find that a very generous friend had decided to fund my cause with a $1000 check each of the 4 remaining months of my internship. That completely pays for my work from here to my trip, which means that any funds that come in from here on out are totally tax free, and completely dedicated to my CMI tuition.
On another note, some reading over the weekend revealed the effects of some dedicated help and patience, which was capped by some conversational discussion today. 17 months of waiting, and still the stained class door has remained closed. It has become clearer to see through as time has gone by, but the time has not come to open it yet. Though, what I've seen and heard over the last few days makes me believe that I will be led to open it soon. I'm sure I know what I will find behind the door, after all, God told me what was behind it right after the door appeared, but I don't think I'm completely ready to find out that what He said is true. And that is probably why it hasn't opened yet, since God knows I'm not ready and is protecting me from what could be a disaster if not timed correctly.
With all that said, a lot of things have been added to my life's "Queue". And although I can see what they look like from here, I have no idea what I'll be dealing with when they reach the front of the line. All I can do is pray and trust that God will make sure I'm prepared for whatever I have to face when the time comes.
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