God's Gifts...

     Presents. That's what most people are thinking about this time of year. And that's perfectly fine when you are focusing on the right type of presents. If you focus on the presents you will get for Christmas, then you're missing the point of the holiday. The point of the holiday is to focus on the presents you've been given. Specifically, the birth of Jesus Christ here on Earth some 200 years ago. It's only because of Him that you are where you are now, so it only makes sense that we should think about what He did while here. And though as a Christian we should think about Him every day, Christmas is a time where we can specifically focus on His birth.

     Christmas can also be a time to remember all the presents you've already been given. Not the presents you've received from someone here on Earth, but those that you've received from God. In case they aren't obvious to you, you can always ask Him to help you see them. And when you do, remember that your very ability to ask Him is a present He has given you. Because Jesus died for your sins, as a believer you have the ability to talk right to God as if He was sitting next to you. (Truth is, He is always next to you because He is everywhere) And it's that gift that becomes invaluable in our life...

     You see, there's always two ways of doing things: your way and God's way. In the moment, your way may seem the best, but in the long run God's way is always best. Sure there's hard things you have to go through when you go God's way, but there's even more hard things to go through if you choose your way! That's another gift you have: the ability to choose which way you want to go. You can go your way if you want to, but if at any time you want to go God's way, He's right there ready to help you get back on track.

     God's plan...isn't always exactly what you might expect. But I think that's the point. Sometimes we expect too much, and get less...but other times we expect too little, and get a lot more. But when we learn to take exactly what we get, because it's what God wants us to have, we'll enjoy life the most. Now, that doesn't mean that what we get is sub-par, or even on par, with what the world has to offer. Anything and everything in God's plan for your life is always way above-par compared to the world. And in my own life I found that to be very true.

     In my own life, going God's way...has lead me to my amazing girlfriend, Karis. I'm very glad to have her as my girl, and to think that she's even mine...well that's only by the grace of God. I chose to follow God's plan in this...and I plan on following it through to it's end. I mean, after seeing some of God's plan, why would I ever think mine was good?

So many things to be thankful for...

     Sometimes you don't realize all that you have to be thankful for until it's taken away. That happened for me at CMI. I was away from my family, my home, my girl...and yet all of it had it's purpose. I'm very thankful for all of the classes I was able to take at CMI, for all of the instructors and students I was able to meet, and for all of the helpful things I was able to learn. And yet...I'm also thankful that I was able to come back. And coming back...well that was something else entirely.

     And that brings to my family and my girl, Karis. Turns out they had been planning a surprise for my return for quite some time...and I wasn't expecting it at all, which made it all the more enjoyable. And then, as if that wasn't enough, I got to spend all of last weekend with my family, Karis and her mother. And that was a blast. Karis, her family, my family, my friends...they have made my life a real joy to live in. And each one of them has been placed in my life by my savior...Jesus Christ.

     There's so much to what Jesus has done in my life that I don't think I would even be able to begin to explain what He has done. And really...everything that I have in this life is because of Him, and so to say that I'm thankful for His presence in my life is really an understatement.

     This last year that I've had this blog has changed a lot in my life. And my thanks go out to all of you who have had a hand in changing it. Can't wait to see what the next year holds!

Shadow Boxing...

     Did you know that shadow boxing is in the Bible? It is. No really, it is! Paul talks about shadow boxing in 1 Corinthians 9, verses 24 through 27.

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring itinto subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.

     "Not as one who beats the air." Paul was not a man who beat the air, what we would call shadow boxing. Rather, he fought a very real enemy, two in fact: Satan and his very own flesh. Paul constantly strove to keep his flesh into submission so that when he was in the world his walk would match his talk.

     As some of you know, wrestlers and boxers can talk a big game, but what really matters is if they can bring that game into the ring and defeat their opponent. They train beforehand with their coach, they exercise, eat a proper diet. Every boxer strives to keep his body under his command and prepares for his match so that he can come out on top. In the same way, we must be like boxers. No, that doesn't mean talking a big game. It means that we need to keep our body under our command and prepare to win.

     How do we do that? We eat a proper diet: the Word of God. We exercise: we use the Word in our lives. And we train with our coach: we work with and talk to God. And then we step into the ring with our fleshly desires. Its coach...is Satan. He's observed you. He knows your patterns, your weaknesses, your strengths, and he's telling all of that to your fleshly desires. Your enemy knows you as well as you do, if not better. But, you have something they cannot undertsand: the power of God.

     As you train with God, you begin to here His voice better, to learn what He sounds like. Then, when you're in the ring, amidst all the sounds of the crowd, you can hear His voice helping you know what to do. God knows what punches are coming, and He'll tell you how to dodge each one, if you'll listen to Him. Of course, you can't always dodge the punches, and when you get hit, it's then you learn to get back up, keep on fighting and watch more carefully for that type of attack.

     In my own "match" I've found an interesting truth. Every time you get hit, and you let yourself think you are going to lose, your flesh gets bigger. But when you dodge punches and land some blows of your own, because you're following God's guidance, your flesh gets smaller. Over time, successful rounds can reduce your fleshly desires to a really diminutive size, but that takes a lot of two things: 1 listening to God, your coach, and 2...you guessed it...time!

     Your fleshly desires and mine will never disappear this side of Heaven. But we can beat them down to a manageable size so that we don't have to fight as hard to keep them in check. And when we do, it's amazing what wondrous things God will show us. For me that includes how the girl sitting next to Him, the one rooting me on, is actually more amazing then I first thought. And you know what, after the match is over...I get to spend time with that amazing girl. But in order to finish the match, I have to continue to refresh myself with the water of the Word and listen to my coach's instructions.

     I could go into a lot more concerning how the Christian life is like a boxing match, but I think this post has done a good enough job of making that point. I'll leave the rest up to God.

Coincidence? I think not!

     Coincidence. A word that usually implies that two things happened at the same time due to random chance. It's officially defined as: Of events, the appearance of a meaningful connection when there is none. However, as a Christian we understand something other people don't. And that, is God. Romans 8:28 says:

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

God causes everything to work together for good. Causes is an active tense verb...that it implies a continuous action. So, right now as your are reading this post, God is causing everything in your life, and in the lives of every other Christian on the planet, to work together for good. Yes, that means the coffee you just spilled on your shirt because your cat jumped in your lap can be used by God for good. It will probably make you late for something, which could, in turn, save you from something bad that could have happened had you been on time. Cool, huh?

     When we learn to see everything as something God is using for good in our lives, we have more joy. Now, some of the things you run into don't seem like they could be used for good. But here's the thing about good...it's defined from God's perspective. God's ultimate plan is for you to have a loving relationship with Him; one that brings glory to Him and molds you into the image of Christ. And in the long run, those hard things you deal with can create Christ-like attributes inside you.

     Now, God does not wish us harm. He sees your ultimate destination and how you will grow from it. When Satan comes to God and asks, "Can I do this to so and so?" God already knows what will happen because of Satan's plan...and He chooses to either let it happen or to tell Satan no. And if He lets it happen, you can be sure He has your best interests in mind, you just may not feel like it when you're in the midst of the trial.

     You're probably thinking, "If Jason is writing about coincidences, then there must have been a coincidence in his life recently." You are absolutely right. Although I wouldn't call it a coincidence...just God.

     God's been working a lot in my life these last 10 weeks of CMI, and it's been interesting seeing how He's using the topics here to teach something that doesn't seem like I would learn here. That being said, yesterday I felt as if I had pretty much lived the entire day already...sorta like deja-vu, but more concrete. It's something I've experienced a lot, only in smaller amounts, and come to call a "flashback." The basic idea is, I have a dream about something and then forget about it, only for the dream to come true down the road, where I instantly remember the dream and have a complete understanding of what's going to happen in the next few seconds.

     Anyway, I walked through most of yesterday being able to know a little bit about what would happen next. And whenever something like that happens, I know I'm either going to make an important decision, or I just made one. Turns out this time it was neither...God simply wanted me to see that I didn't fully realize what He was doing. He pulled out two different things that I thought had no correlation and put them together. I get it now. What is it? That you don't get to know.

     However, what you can know is this: if you are seeking God with all of your heart, have no doubt that you will begin to see His plans and path for you. And when you see them, follow God down that path: it's the best one.

CMI, Thrashball, & The End

     Bet the title has you confused. Don't worry, you'll get it soon...just keep reading.

     Children's Ministries Institute is coming to a close on it's 153rd class. During these last three weeks we'll be learning more about the strategy and development of a Christian ministry and the essentials of leadership. These classes are key in fulfilling our calling as Christians, for each Christian is a disciple. And disciples must be able to lead. So, without good leadership skills, how can we really do a good job at...well...at doing our job?

     It's been an interesting nine weeks so far. I came here aiming to learn more about teaching kids, to prepare myself to work full time in ministering to children, and possibly serve in the future as a ministry director within CEF. Then I started classes here. And very quickly I found that wasn't what God had for me. So I thought that maybe He was calling me here just for training for work outside of CEF, possibly as a pastor. But then we entered the leadership modules, and I found something else.

     Most of the people working in CEF work with computers because they have to. I work with computers because I want to. I found this as we started to make presentations, PowerPoint files, newsletters, and flyers for ministry purposes. Fellow students were drudging through their computer based homework, and frequently asking for my help. So, unofficially, I became the student body computer expert. Which gave me a thought. "What if I could work full time with CEF and only do computer work?" Well...more like God gave me a thought...because at the time I was just thinking about the delicious food in front of me.

      So...I came here aiming to learn more about teaching kids, to prepare myself to work full time in ministering to children, and possibly serve in the future as a ministry director within CEF. I'm leaving here having learned more about raising kids & being a godly husband, and preparing to serve full time with CEF in Oregon as a computer tech of sorts. That pretty much covers the CMI portion of the title...

     Thrashball is a sport within the Gears of War video game series. It's not a series I'd recommend to everyone, as the games are all very violent, but amazingly, they're the only series of video games with practically no sensuality. And yes, even games like Mario and Sonic have more sensuality than Gears of War does. Sad really, since Gears is rated for 17 and up and Sonic and Mario games are usually rated everyone.

     Anyway, Thrashball is pretty much a full contact version of football...just with a completely round ball. But it's not the sport I want to focus on...it's one of the players. A man known within the series as "The Cole Train." Regardless of his situation, Cole is always excited. ALWAYS. Here's a clean clip from the game of what he sounds like:

     Yeah...as you can see, he's just a little excited. Lately...I've been about that excited too. OK...I've been REALLY excited. You see...there's this amazing girl named Karis and I get to see her for the first time in three months on the 12th of November!

     So...as the end of CMI get's closer I'm starting to get more and more excited. Not only because I get to see Karis soon, but also because I'm starting to see where God's leading me after CMI. I know God's plan is the one I'm going to enjoy the most...and I can't wait to see just what He's going to have me doing this next year.

Life, defragmentation, and the love of God...

     If you're any sort of normal person, you probably don't understand the process of defragmentation. Well today you get to learn what that process is, how it relates to life and then a little bit of info that might help you understand more about the love of God...

     Defragmentation is a process used to "clean-up" your computer's hard drive. You see, when you save something to your hard drive, the computer magnetically writes it onto one of several discs within your computer. However, the more you save on your computer, the more "fragmented" your hard drive becomes. Basically, the computer starts to save similar files to different locations on the discs instead of saving them close to each other. Defragmentation reverses this to a large degree. When you start defragmentation on your computer, it goes through your hard drive, finds files that are similar, or large files that are split up, and moves them around so that you can access them faster, because they are all grouped together.

     Here's a real life example. Let's say you have 10 employees in your business. Each one has their own file of information. If you keep all of their information in a file just for them, all together in a place just for employee info, you can find it faster and look over it much easier. However, if you start to put one employee's info in the financial folder, or place each employee's folder in a separate place that's not at all related to the employee, then it's going to be very hard to find the info you need quickly or effectively, and it will impare your ability to work. If you were to "defragment" your employee files, you would go and find each piece of info you have, place it in a folder based on which employee it concerned, and then place all of those folders in one file cabinet drawer.

     Recently, I realized that humans have a similar process that allows us to quickly find out what God has been doing in our lives. You have to defragment your memories! Unfortunately...those memories don't stay all-together in a new spot on your brain, it's only temporary, but it still brings all of the similar memories together so you can compare them. That process...is journaling. You see, when you write things down in a journal (or a diary if you prefer) it places your key thoughts onto the page. And in my case, my journal is filled with entries concerning what I've seen God doing in my life. So I can quickly look back through and see where I was at a certain point and what I thought God was doing then.

     Now, I said that the process is temporary. That is because you can read your journal and recall memories, but those memories don't always stay together, even though we might like them to. So you have to continually go back and review all that God has done. I think God did that on purpose ;)

     In my own life, this has proved very helpful. You see, by journaling, I've come to see why some things have happened in my life and how God has used where I've fallen to cause good. It's also part of how I've been able to see just what it is He has planned for my future. Using my journal entries as a base, I can recall the memories connected to them, and construct them all into a clearly defined "structure" of information that shows me what's changed in my life and where I'm headed next.

     It's from "defragmenting" my memories that I was able to piece together what made me sure God has called me to marry Karis. I was able to connect all the answered prayers, all of the things I've learned about God because of her, how much she has inspired me to become more like Christ, how much I've become more like Him, etc. God has done so much in the last 11 weeks that to not be sure is pretty much to deny the obvious!

     And it's through this courtship with Karis that I've come to realize a little bit of the love that God has for us humans. For those of you who can, remember what it feels like to look into the eyes of the one you love and talk with them. That's how God feels when you talk with Him. God is love. So every feeling that you feel towards the one you love, is a feeling that God has as well. So next time you pray, think about that. You are looking right into the eyes of the God who loves you more than anyone else and talking to Him. It really changes how you pray.

     So there you have it: defrag your mind, realize how you've changed and where you're headed, and pray like you are in love (because you are) God bless!

Finding Nemo...

     Last night we had a "Beach party" at Children's Ministries Institute. After an hour of games we sat down to watch a movie. Well...movies, actually. One group was set to watch Soul Surfer, and the other, Finding Nemo. I know some of you may ask, "Dude! Why didn't you watch Soul Surfer?" And it has a simple answer, I will not willingly submit myself to any temptation. Anyway, I ended up watching Finding Nemo...and I'm glad I did.

     The movie was rather encouraging, which was unexpected, since I've seen the movie so many times now. But God can use anything to reach us when we are listening for His voice. There were a couple things that really stood out, but I'm just going to talk about two of them here. First, the title. "Finding Nemo" is actually a statement. It means to find nothing. Nemo is a compound of the Latin phrase ne hemo meaning "no man." So, to find nemo is to find nothing. And that's what I've found...at the end of myself.

     Its always easier to give up when you have no strength left. When you come to the end of yourself, you find nothing. There is nothing left of yourself. But God...He's right there, ready to give you everything. You just have to "give up" your life and do things God's way. Psalms 37:4 says,

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will you the desires of your heart

      The word delight here is rather confusing. Because the Hebrew word implies softness or willingness. Like how you love someone so much that you are soft to what they say and want to do. So really, the verse is saying something more like,

Love the Lord and be soft to what He says, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

     These desires are in your heart which means that sometimes, you don't even know what they are. But when God reveals them to you, you realize just how true it is and how much you want that desire to be filled. I know that this is true in my own life. It's only been 2 months, but God has revealed my heart's desires by bringing Karis into my life. My heart desires to love her, care for her, protect her, serve her, to help her be all that she can be and cause her to glorify God in every area of her life. And so, it was that in finding nothing in myself, I found everything in God...and He brought me Karis.

     The second thing that stuck out was the consistent element of trust that is built on in the story, finally climaxing with Marlin trusting his son, Nemo, to save Dory and the rest of the fish. In a way, the scene is very similar to one I've seen in my own life. Except that instead of having a discussion between a father and son, it was a discussion between the Spirit and my flesh.

     In the movie Marlin says, "You think you can do these things, but you just can't!" Nemo responds, "Dad, you have to trust me." Marlin remembers all the times in the movie where he caused pain because he didn't trust someone, and finally relents, "You're right. You can do this Nemo."

     In my own life, I feel like God has called me to marry Karis. Actually, I'm sure He has. (Don't freak out, she knows this already ;) But despite being sure, sometime ago I had felt as if I wouldn't be able to be the husband she needed me to be. It was then that my flesh said, "You think you can do this but you just can't!" God replied saying, "Son, you have to trust me." I remember all the pain that my own mistakes had caused me, times when I hadn't trusted God. So I finally found "Nemo," and gave up. "You're right, I can do this. Because of You."

     It's still a battle to trust God in everything, but I know what's down the road, and the joy I'll find knowing that I trusted Him from here to there. And so I continue walking forward, trusting God to guide my steps, to direct my path, and to give me the strength to protect the girl walking beside me. She's not mine yet...but I plan to grow to be as much like Christ as I can before she is :)

Whoa moments

     Sometimes you look at what God has placed in your path and think, "God, do I really have to go through this?" But you know that God has placed it there for a reason so, although you don't like it, you willingly submit yourself to God's plan and pray that His will would be carried out. And then, when you reach the other side, you see why God had you go through it. But sometimes...you reach the other side, and all you can say is, "Whoa..." That happened to me this week...

     As you should know by now (if you don't know, you must not know me...or you've been hiding under a rock :P ) I've been courting a wonderful young woman named Karis Monroe. God is blessing my life through her, even though I've spent the last 5 weeks here in Warrenton, Missouri. We've been video chatting a bit...OK, more like a lot...and it was through our latest video chat that I received this "Whoa..." moment. Well...more like an after-effect of the video chat...anyway...

     We were discussing a chapter from the book Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris that covered a topic that was kind of awkward to discuss. God had placed it in our path, so although it wasn't exactly something either of us wanted to discuss, we did it because we knew He wanted us to. I had taken some of what Josh had written and modified it ever so slightly so that it would be easier to discuss, and I asked God to guide our discussion that night. And that's exactly what He did.

     After we finished the chat, I reflected on what was discussed and let the whole chat really sink into my brain. But it wasn't until the next day that it had finally sunk deep enough to click something in my brain. Something about me had changed that night. Through my willingness to continue with our normal chapter discussion God had brought out a part of me that didn't trust Him, and replaced it with a new part that did.

     Over the last three days, I've felt this overwhelming peace and joy that I know can only be from Him. And as I reflected on it this morning, I sat back, looked at everything I knew and all I could say was, "Whoa..." I can't believe God has seen it fit to lead me where He is, to bless me how He is, to push me how He is. Some small part of His plan has implanted itself in my mind, and it's making me excited! It's also motivating me to change like nothing else I've ever known...

     Having God's Spirit inside you, having His love spilling out of you...well, amazing things when you choose to do what God wants. Because when God is inside you, His happiness is your happiness. And I dare say that He must be really happy right now, because I am too...and there is no way that this happiness is from anyone but Him!

     I'll leave you with this verse from Hebrews 10:35-36. May God bless you as much as He is blessing me!

"Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise."

In Your Hands...

     Yesterday, during class, a verse was brought up that really hit me. Sometimes God does that, and it reminded me of a quote from C.S. Lewis that has really helped me through the last month. In writing to a friend, Lewis once said:

I don’t doubt that the Holy Spirit guides your decisions from within when you make them with the intention of pleasing God. The error would be to think that He speaks only within, whereas in reality he speaks also through scripture, the church, Christian friends, and books.

     Lewis believes that not only does God speak to us from inside through the Spirit, but He also speaks from outside through the Spirit. In my experience, I've seen this quote ring true. God uses all of life to speak to us. And after all, why shouldn't He? I mean, He is the creator. Everything we know of in this life belongs to Him, so why wouldn't He use what is already right in front of us to speak to us about the One who is always above us?

     If you've talked to me just a little bit during the last month, you've probably heard me talk about my amazing girlfriend Karis. We started courting a little over a month ago now, and I've been praying since we started that God would reveal His will for the direction of this relationship. And God hasn't failed to show me something everyday that reveals more and more what His plans for Karis and I are. I think Jeremiah 29:11 describes it rather nicely:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (NLT)

     Plans for good. He has some pretty good plans for Karis and I in the future. And He has begun to give me a glimpse of what some of those plans are. How? Through His Spirit. That verse I mentioned at the start was John 16:13. And it's one of three verses that popped out at me today. I'll refer to the other two if the need for them appears.

     John 16:13 says:

However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. (NKJV)

     The word for truth here is the Greek word aletheia (al-aye-thi-uh). It means to disclose something, or to reveal something for what it truly is. Guide is hodegeo (hod-ay-geh-oh) and this one means to "show the way." So...literally, this passage says: the Holy Spirit will show you the true way. In other words, the Holy Spirit will show you God's will for your life, the true path you should take. Does the Spirit speak only what He wants to speak? No, He speaks what the Father tells Him to.

     So if we take what C.S. Lewis said about God speaking through life, what Jesus said about the Holy Spirit, and add just a bit of logic, we come to a rather interesting conclusion. When God speaks to us, we may hear His voice from within, from scripture, fellow Christians, church services, books, music, etc. and yet, despite the diversity of from whence the words came, they will all speak to the same truth. God guides us to the path He wants us to walk, our true path, by using everything around us to speak to our prayerful questioning.

     This is what I've experienced in my life recently: God guiding me along His will for my life by using the circumstances I find myself in, the people I talk to, the music I listen to, the books I read, my time in prayer, and my time in His word. As I continue to seek Him, He continues to guide me. And right now...that guiding is towards whatever the future may hold for Karis and I. And that brings me to the title of this post...

     I was listening to Falling Up's Crashings album yesterday, and I ran across a song I hand't heard in awhile that fits perfectly with my life right now. The song is called "Falling In Love" (bet no one saw that coming :P )
Here it is if you want to listen to it:

     This song is true of two things at once, which makes it even more awesome. Not only does it describe how I feel towards Karis, but it also describes how I feel when it comes to my relationship with God. The chorus for this song is simple, yet very meaningful. "All of my dreams and my passions are in your hands." All of my dreams and passions are in God's hands. And it's only when I take His hands and let Him lead me to where He wants me to go that those dreams and passions become reality. So, it's all in Your hands, God.

It's A Puzzling life!

     I think that our life is a puzzling one. Not because it puzzles me, but because it IS a puzzle. A very long puzzle. Let me see if I can help you understand what I mean. First off, we'll take a look at how this puzzle works, and then take a look at the pieces.

     God knows what your life is going to contain, but you don't. Instead, when you are born, you find the left side of your puzzle. As your life goes on, the puzzle starts to get filled in, like a slide show of pictures from your life. The piece that comes next is always one that God chooses. Of course, as we get older God moves from placing the pieces, to letting us place the pieces. As humans we want to control our life. So it's then that we need to start asking God where the piece goes.

     Anyway, on to the pieces. Each puzzle piece is part of your life. It could be a job, a car, a friend, etc. Sometimes the piece has one thing on it, and sometimes it only has part of it. As God guides us forward we start to see what's coming next by looking at what piece we just put in.

     Other times, God has us start building a puzzle withing a puzzle. If you enjoy puzzles, you'll know what I'm talking about. As your building any larger puzzle, it makes it easier to build smaller portions of the puzzle outside of the frame. Maybe it's a house or a group of flowers, but whatever it is, you put together 5 or 6 pieces and get a bigger piece. It's then much easier to see where it fits, because you have to fit all of them in the same space.

     In my case, I've been building two of those sorts of puzzles within puzzles. One, would be my ministry with children. I've been building that one since my brother was born. I've always been teaching or hanging out with those younger than me. Then I started working with CEF, and now I'm at CMI. So little bits of the puzzle have already gone in. But some pieces have also been put aside into a small puzzle.

     The second one, is a small puzzle of Karis. I haven't been building this puzzle as long as the first one, and at first I didn't know that it was Karis. It just took some more pieces to see that it was her. I don't know where she fits just quite yet, but I can see some similarities between the pieces I'm putting together, and the pieces that make up the smaller one of Karis. So I think it should fit in somewhere up here soon. And I think I know how...

     I'm sure if you've been reading my blog for awhile you'll know what I'm talking about. But if you haven't read my previous posts...well, now you have some incentive to go and read them. I'll give you a hint: there was talk of a "strangely colored portal" with a "ribbon touting box" waiting behind it. If you think about it, I'm sure it's fairly obvious :P

Puzzling, isn't it?
- Jason

It Comes In Pieces...

     As I left my home on Wednesday morning at close to 2 am, I only started to realize just what I was going to be doing for the next 12 weeks. I felt as if everything was going according to God's plan, but at the same time, it felt like I was on my back. I wasn't there because I wanted to be, but because Satan had tripped me. And it took me a few days to realize that.

     Here's the background story to get you up to speed. 7 weeks ago, I talked to Karis about my feelings for her. She told me that she shared my feelings, and we started to talk more often. Almost 3 weeks ago, we talked to her parents about starting a more serious relationship, and they approved. Last weekend I got spend most of Saturday with Karis up in Oregon City. So...you can probably guess the huge amount of emotions I'm feeling. These emotions are all good and in good time, but Satan had a plan to try and trip me up because of them. He thought that He could keep me down by making me afraid of leaving Karis back in Oregon.

     You see, Wednesday morning, I left for Warrenton, Missouri to take part in the Fall term of Children's Ministries Institute (CMI). So the stress of preparing for 12 weeks in another state, and the emotions I feel for Karis all added up to a big target on my chest. Satan wanted to take advantage of this overload of emotions, both good and bad, and make me trip. And he succeeded in doing so. What he failed to realize is that God would make me stronger because of it.

     I'll admit, after arriving here Wednesday afternoon, and after eating dinner with the rest of the CMI students and staff, I went up to my dorm and started to cry. It felt like everything God had pointed me towards was now out of my future, never to return. I was on my back. I couldn't see what God was really doing. But the wonderful thing about being on your back is...you are looking straight up in to the eyes of Jesus.

     After a few minutes of crying, I looked over and saw a book, one I hadn't finished before I left, sitting on my desk. I'm glad I brought it. It was through this book that God showed me what He was doing. The last line in the last chapter spoke on where people can find true happiness in life. When we focus on spending time with God, doing what He shows us to do, and becoming who He wants us to become, we will experience the natural by-product of our efforts: joy.

     I finished reading the chapter, and took a walk around the CMI campus. I started praying, and all of a sudden what I read clicked. As if God had reached down His hand and puled me back up onto my feet so that I could see the path in front of me. God wanted me here at CMI. He wanted me to take this time away from Karis. Why? So that in the end, He would have all of the glory.

     You see, if I take the next 12 weeks and use them to deepen my relationship with God and learn more about what it is He wants me doing (ministering to children), then that makes me more like His Son. But not because I did the work, but because God worked in me: He gets the glory, not me. The same goes for my relationship with Karis. Usually being separated causes relationships to fade. But I have no doubt that Karis and I will only grow closer because of this separation. It can't be because of what I'm doing, because I'm not in Oregon! So it must be because of God, which means that He gets the glory.

     All of this is part of my life...and it comes in pieces. My life is a giant jigsaw puzzle that God is building. So naturally, it comes in pieces. We take the pieces, and start to build our own puzzle of life. Most of the time, we see God handing us the next piece, and showing us where to put it. But I think that sometimes, we get so blinded by how good the puzzle looks so far, that God has to let us fall on our backs. It's only then that we realize He's holding the next puzzle piece right above our heads. The next puzzle piece I have is part of CMI, which will be made up of quite a few puzzle pieces. And it's going to take the next 12 weeks to put them in their rightful places. Please pray for me during these weeks!

May God guide you as you build your own life puzzle!

- Jason

The Curtain Rises on Act II...

     I spoke in my last post about how God provides and guides in our lives. At the time I wrote that, exactly 25 days ago, I was very unsure as to where God was leading me with what He was providing. I knew that if I sought Him truthfully, the path I needed to walk would reveal itself to me as I needed to know. Looking back on what has happened, I see that I was approaching what is best described as the end of Act I. And what follows for awhile here (Italicized to denote it from non-analogy text), will be with that analogy in mind:

     The curtain fell leaving the protagonist (that's me) at a cliffhanger, as all the best acts do, and I desperately wanted to start the next next act and see what was going to happen to me. You see, in this play, none of the actors are given a script. They must follow the cues from the Director (God) for the play to go smoothly. As I waited for the stage to be set for the next act, I consulted the Director about what was up next. He went through some of the signals He was going to use soon, and I realized that I had seen similar signals before. He had been preparing me for what He was going to do. But I wasn't prepared for what was about to come...

     The stage was set, so I took my spot on stage and waited for the curtain to rise. The lights went down, I took a deep breath and watched as the curtain rose. The stage was dark save for where I stood. A light came on to my left. I looked over and what I saw took my breath away. There stood a young woman I had met at CYIA. A very beautiful young woman. One named Karis Monroe.

     This year at CYIA, I had the wonderful privilege of getting to know Karis better. She is such an amazing young woman, and I felt like there was a spark between the two of us. However, I had little doubt that she would turn a guy like me down (not sure why...). I felt that God wanted me to talk to her about a relationship though, so despite my doubt, I did. And to my surprise...she felt the same way. We felt that talking to her parents would be the next step towards a relationship, so we planned a weekend where we could do that. I took the 4 hour drive up to her house, and spent the better part of Saturday, and most of Sunday, with Karis and her family. Late Sunday afternoon we finally got around to talking about the relationship with her parents. After asking some very good questions, Karis' parents told us that they were happy to consent to a courtship between Karis and I. And so...as of the 31st of July, Karis and I are officially courting each other.

     I can't begin to describe how amazingly blessed I feel right now, but I think you can tell by the look on my face. Pretty much everything I've been experiencing over the last year has prepared me for this, and that just makes me that much more convinced that God truly wanted (and wants) this to happen. We are both very serious about seeing what God wants us to do in this part of our lives, and I'm sure that's part of the reason this is turning out so well and happening so quickly.

     On top of that, I'm now 99% funded for my trip to CMI!! I'll be leaving at 6am Wednesday, August 17th for Warrenton, Missouri. I'll be over there for 12 weeks learning about how to better minister to children. I'm really excited to see what God does through my training. I'm sure I will enjoy myself while I'm there. The only part I won't enjoy is not being able to see Karis for 12 weeks...but I know she'll still be here for me when I get back :)

     So both of these changes, my courtship with Karis and my training at CMI, are part of Act II in my life. God has me headed in a different direction now, and if the rest of the act is as amazing as what I've experienced so far, I can't wait to see what's up ahead.

Where God Provides, He is Guiding...

     I'm sure most of you have heard the saying, "Where God guides, God provides." We don't see the exact words in Scripture, but we do see their truth ring out in many, many passages. For instance, God guided the people of Israel out of Egypt and back to their homeland. He provided a way of escape through the Red Sea. He gave them shade and direction as the pillar of cloud, and light and warmth as the pillar of fire. He fed them, He quenched their thirst. The list goes on and on. And this is repeated throughout the Bible. God has always chosen to guide people to their destination for His glory, and He provides all that they need along the way.

     Sometimes, we don't see God guiding as well as we'd like. Why? Not because God isn't guiding, but because He is building our faith in Him. It is at these times that we need to switch the saying around. You might be thinking, "Jason, you can't do that. If you reverse the statement it won't mean the same thing." I beg to differ...and I can show you why through some basic mathematics. Let's say that we have 2 variables, A and B. If we say A = 5, and we say that B = 5, then we can also say that A = B. In the same way, we could also say that B = A. Because both variables are equal to 5, we can set them equal to each other, and it doesn't matter which ones comes first.

     If you're confused about variables, and thinking that you don't use mathematical basics like "variables" everyday...when was the last time you measured something? Or you asked the distance from one place to another? Those are all variables. When someone asks you for the length and width of your countertop piece at Home Depot, they are actually giving you two variables to solve for. You simply put in the length and width you measured at home. Wow...I dedicated a whole paragraph to a tangent. Back to our original statement...

     If "God guides" where "God provides", then we can also say that "God provides" where "God guides." They are both present in either situation, we just notice one before the other. Sometimes, we feel God calling us to do something or to go somewhere. We then see God provide us with the means to do or go as He has called us to. Other times, we see God provide something and we have no idea what it's for. We then see God call us to use that provision to do or go as He calls.

     In my own life, I see the first instance the most. God called me to go to Brasil on a missions trip during my senior year of high school, I then watched as He provided the funds to do so. God called me to learn more about Him through a Bible college. He provided Cornerstone: School Of Ministry at my church. God called me to minister to Children. He brought Child Evangelism Fellowship into my life so I could do just that.

     Recently, however, I've seen the opposite. God has provided some really amazing things in the past 3 weeks. I don't see Him guiding me in what to do with them, but at the same time, I do. Everything that He has provided in the last 3 weeks is guiding me into something that I can't even begin to explain. And yet, if I had never thought to flip the statement around, I would think that all of this was merely my own doing and that it wasn't from Him. Oh how wrong I would be to think that!!!

     As some of you might have seen on my recent facebook status, three years ago I was at a Bible study where went over Proverbs 3:5-6. Here's the passage so you can see for yourself: 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

     At the time I wondered, "I wonder what it means when it says God will direct my paths?" Now I see that God has been directing them this whole time. Starting almost exactly 3 years ago, I started to look at life differently. I began to see things through God's eyes. I started seeking His face in order to know what to do. And now I can see what that has changed in my life. I looked up the word used here for "direct." The word is yashur (yaw-sure) It means to make straight, right, pleasant or prosperous. So, in my mind, the verses become something like this:

Trust in God with everything you have

Rely on His knowledge

Do everything with His permission

And He will make your life better than you ever dreamed.

     Yeah...that pretty much sums it all up. I know where God is guiding me, because I can see where He is providing for me. (And yes...that means I'm really, really sure about the identity of the "gift". Like...98% sure...and no, I'm not telling you what it is.) I will continue to search out God's will for me, not because of the awesome benefits that it brings, although they are really awesome :), but because a life with Him is so much better than anything I could ever do on my own. Why would I ever want to go back to doing things my way?

Godspeed!
-Jason

Turned Around (Or: A Beautiful Letdown)

     As some of you readers may know, this year's 5 Day Club material from Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF) carries the theme "Turned Around". All of the stories relate to that theme and show the child how their life can be turned around by the power of God. And, although my life wasn't turned around from a life without Christ to one with Him, it was still turned around by the power of God. For those of you wishing I wasn't as vague, your wish is granted...at least in part. I won't be AS vague in this post, but there are some things that must still remain shrouded outside the light of this blog.

     I think that most of this starts back in January of 2009. It was then that I was finishing up my Senior year of high-school. Being home-schooled, my transcripts for any college applications had to be created by myself and my mom based on what I had learned. From a previous trip up north, I had my sights set on Multnomah University. And I easily would have enjoyed a great educational experience there, but finances prevented me from doing so. In order to go, I would need a key scholarship, one that I easily met the requirements for. So I prayed about it: If God wanted me at MU, then I'd get the scholarship, if He wanted me to enroll in my church's Bible college, then I wouldn't get the scholarship. Not too long after that, I received my "letter of apology" from MU saying that I hadn't been chosen to receive the scholarship. So...I went to Calvary Corvallis' Cornerstone: School of Ministry (CSOM).

     It was there that God showed me, through a potential relationship, that I needed to be seeking Him more. Of course, I didn't see that at the time, but I see it now. I hadn't really sought God's will for my life consistently before then, but looking back I can see how that's changed. I kept seeking God, and saw Him show me things that seemed like the relationship might actually be His will...but what He was actually doing was building my faith and trust in Him. If you have been following this blog for awhile, you can probably guess where this is headed...

     After 18 months of waiting and watching for God to give me the signal to talk to the young lady I had in mind, the signal finally came. So I talked to her. And the answer was...no. The strange thing is, I wasn't as torn up as you might think. In fact, I wasn't really torn up at all, just wondering what God was doing. I guess I had come to rely on Him so much that, regardless of the answer, I knew that whatever happened would be what God wanted to happen. Somehow I knew that it was God behind it, yet it wasn't a conscious knowledge. It took some more waiting and searching for my mind to catch up with my soul and understand that God had something else in mind.

     That was May 31st, this year. It took a few days for me to realize God might have a different plan in mind. And that's when staff training for Christian Youth In Action (CYIA) came around. It was there that I realized that being staff with CEF wasn't actually as hard as I thought it would be. Almost like I had been made to work in CEF. Don't know why I didn't see that sooner. Then, 2 weeks back, we had the full week of CYIA, and after all of my staff duties there, I can seriously see working with CEF as where God has called me for the indefinite future.

     Which brings us to this week, the inspiration for the title of this post. Like I said in my last post (Scroll down and read it if you haven't yet) God answered a key prayer over the week of CYIA, and I had another one lined up for Him to answer. He answered that prayer with a yes as well. So I gave Him another prayer to answer...and on Wednesday (June 29th) He answered it too with a yes. So needless to say, after three prayers all answered with a yes in a 2 week period, I'm rather excited. But back to the title of this post...

     In a way, my life has been turned around. What was a letdown has become a beautiful letdown. So it went from being negative to being positive. A definite case of something being turned around. As Switchfoot put it in a song once:

It was a beautiful let down,

When you found me here,

Yeah for once in a rare blue moon

I see everything clear.

     As for the identity of that gift I keep talking about, the one behind the stained glass door, I might just know what it is this time. And while I remain happily optimistic that I really do know what it is, if I happen to be wrong, I know that its for the best. As I recently saw on Facebook: It's funny how I come up with my own plan of how I want my life to be and then God shows me some of His and I think "why did I ever think mine was good?" :) That's definitely how I feel right now. And no, I'm not telling you what I think is behind the door. I'm saving it so that I can shock you all later on.

The Best Week Ever May Have More Yet To Say...

     OK, so...Christian Youth In Action 2011 was the best CYIA week yet! And I feel that as time passes, additional treasures may reveal themselves. Many thanks to my fellow Dorm 22 guys, Team #1 students and amazing staff for making this year's training camp so awesome!

     I believe there's a lot of stuff God has changed in me over the last week...I just can't see it yet. Being a Counselor for Dorm 22, Team Trainer for Team #1 and handling various other staff duties was an incredible experience, and it has me pumped for everything that's going to happen over the summer and what's going to happen at CMI. I know God has called me there, and I'm excited to see where He'll have me go afterwards. For now though, I'm focused on doing what I'm called to do during the summer. Which may or may not include finding out what the true identity of the gift behind the ever-present stained glass door is.

     As I think back on what happened this week, I'm pretty sure that I'm holding an answer to prayer in my hands **GRABS CYIA AUTOGRAPH PAGE** Yep...pretty sure...here's hoping God answers the next prayer just as quickly. What am I talking about? Well...some of you might know...but once again, it will remain a secret until it deserves to be revealed.

     So perhaps there are things I missed slightly...were somethings more than what they seemed? Did you actually mean...? Cause if you did...why didn't you say anything? Is there things that should not have been left unsaid?

A Gift

     That is what lies behind the stained glass door. A gift. One that I can enjoy, but also, one that I can enhance. I know the essence of the gift, some of what it contains, but I do not know all. I don't know what kind of wrapping this gift comes in, or all of it's details, but the essence is enough to enable a search & confirm mission. Basically, anything that matches what I know is part of the gift is potentially the true form of the gift. So, it's my job to go out, find those potential gifts and lift them up to God in order to find the true form of the gift that lies behind the stained glass door. Right now, I'm in the process of doing just that, and I've found a few things that the gift might be, but God hasn't returned the results of my inquiries over to me yet. For now, they remain with Him.

     With all that's happened recently, I don't blame Him for keeping the answers to Himself for the time being. But, that brings me to wonder just what the purpose was behind recent events. Did He remove one thing so I could see what would take it's place? Did He remove something so that I would see something else entirely? Hopefully I'll know the answers to those questions soon...maybe within the month...

     Regardless, I still need to be focused primarily on what God has me doing right now in CEF. But if God has called me into a lifelong work of serving within CEF, does that mean that the true form of the gift is somehow related? Does it mean that my current guess as to the true form of the gift is correct? I suppose all will be revealed when I need to know...but if it is...then, will I find out at the end...?

     Anyway, can't wait to be part of CYIA again this year. I wonder who God's going to put on my team...hmm...

Why a "Hero"?

     Over the last week, life has drastically changed for me. But at the same time, it hasn't changed at all. If you've been following this blog, or look back at the more recent posts, you'll see talk of steps and how those steps played out. As I type this I can say that those steps were needed and were meant for a purpose...I just don't know what the purpose is yet. In order to better understand what I'm talking about, let's look back at where the steps truly started...

     August 2009 is where this series of steps had it's beginning. It was there that I finally decided to man up to what God had called me to do: become the hero that He wanted me to be. I knew what I had to do, but I wasn't able to do it by myself. God didn't expect me to do it all by my lonesome, but I thought I did. It was after this that I attended Cornerstone: School of Ministry (CSOM) at my home church. I received teaching on every aspect of the Bible (although only in small parts, as that's a lot of ground to cover) and got the initial inkling of what things might have been to come. I realized that God had called me into ministry: to be a hero to the children who don't know Christ.

     From my first understanding of "The Steps", to now is a total of 18 months. During those 18 months I saw God speak to me like never before. I would ask Him to confirm things through a specific sign, and shortly afterward, there would be that sign. I believed, at the time, that this was proof of a surety of the things asked for, but it was not. I may have had questions for God to answer...but they were vague, and to rely on them would be like relying upon a globe to find my way from my house to Portland. I've come to that realization now...which makes it that much easier for me to understand.

     And so, after 18 months of waiting and seeking God on the whole matter, I initiated "The Steps", believing that I knew what was going to happen...I was wrong. What I expected to happen was not even close to what actually went down, and the results sent me reeling. It took some time to settle in, but I've come to realize that God is using everything that He showed me these last 18 months to try and teach me something. Which is what I'm trying to find out.

     I think it has something to do with being a hero. Sure I'm a hero to the kids that don't know Jesus, or at least I'm trying to be. But I'm also called to be so much more than that. Now is the time that God is using to mold me into the hero I need to be for my future wife, and future kids. Each area is a little different, but in each I have the same power source: a never-ending, always loving Savior. That's why this blog is named the way it is. The landscape for a hero is his life's circumstances. His power source is the One True God. His purpose is to point others, whether it be his wife, kids or those without Christ, to God's ultimate sacrifice and will for them to grow in Him.

     Which brings me back to "The Steps". My life has changed drastically, in that my entire outlook on life has shifted as I've come to understand my own ignorance and lack of faith in my requests to God made over the past 18 months and their eventual epitome. Now I look forward to what God has for me, no matter where it comes from. But at the same time, it really hasn't changed, because nothing has actually "happened".

     Although, one other thing has changed. My image of the Stained Glass Door. I've come to understand that what I see through the glass is not something specific, but rather, some of the contents of what the door is guarding. This limits the possibilities, but prevents knowing the exact object until the door is opened.

     And so I continue my quest. Although now it is not to find exactly what is behind this Stained Glass Door. Instead I will be searching for whatever I can find that carries the essence of the hidden treasure behind the door, and lifting it up to God in prayer to discern whether or not what I have found is actually what I was looking for.

Step 2: Completed

     So, another step towards opening the stained glass door was taken Friday. And, although the results were unexpected, Step 3 is still scheduled to happen, just with a slight revision. So, more like a Step 3, revision b. Right now, I really don't know what to think...

     The results of Step 2 were entirely unexpected. I knew of a large amount of possibilities, but, of course, I don't know everything. After Step 2's completion, I was kind of like, "WHAT THE HECK!?!" Debriefing was weird...I mean, I've always had my doubts about what was behind the door, but I trusted in what I believed God had told me. But after the results from Step 2, what God had told me before was pretty much all I had. It made me look back on what had been passed between Him and I.

     It's here that I run into a choice. A choice that I've come across many times in my life. A choice that I'm finally beginning to understand. I can do what I want, what other people want. Or, I can do what God wants.

     In the case of the stained glass door, it has seemed that God had asked, "Jason, what do you want to be behind it?"  I could have chosen anything. But I didn't. I didn't want to choose. To choose, even when God gave me the choice, feels to me as doing what I want, instead of what He wants. And so I turned it around. I answered and said, "What I want behind the stained glass door, is whatever you would like to put there."

     Which leads me back to the steps I'm currently going through. I wanted God to choose what was behind the door. And so He did. And I believe He has told me what He put behind it. So now it comes down to this: do I believe that what God told is true? Or do I side with my personal doubts and the statements of those around me and believe that there is something else behind it?

     Personally, I've chosen to side with what God has said. It may not be what I see around me. It may not be what other people think will happen. But if God has said something will happen, then it will happen, I just need to watch and wait for it to happen.

     EDIT 5/30/11: Well, that didn't end how I expected it. Basically, Step 3 never got under way, at least on my end, because of the intervention of a greater power: God. Like it or not, I'm not at a very dangerous place. Not knowing where to go or whether to trust what God said before, or what He seems to be saying now. I guess it times like these, where you don't think you can trust God anymore, that your trust in Him is strengthened beyond what a normal situation would produce.

     So now I'm left with a new choice. I can believe in what God has told me before, and believe that what He told me is behind the Stained Glass Door is there, or I can believe in what seems to be God now, and expect something else behind the door. Regardless, there is going to be some serious soul searching going on in the next few days. If you are reading this, please pray that God would show what He wants me to do, and that I wouldn't be too stubborn minded to see it.

Step 1: INITIATED

     It has begun. What exactly? Well, let me explain. As many of you have probably read in my blog posts, I've always talked about a stained glass door that has been following me around for awhile now. Of course, this is just an analogy for what is really going on, I don't really have a door floating around behind me. Anyway, I've been feeling that the time to open the door and see what stands behind has been coming closer.

     With some recent developments, I believe that the time to open the door is here. There's a little bit of a process to get this thing open, so I've developed a series of steps to proceed through in order to open the door. Step 1 has already been initiated, and is currently in progress. There are 3 more steps after Step 1 is finished, and should each step go successfully, I'll post the results here. In the meantime, you can see which step I'm currently on by watching my Facebook page.

Best. Weekend. Ever.

     Wow...Friday and Saturday were AMAZING. I mean, sure my car broke down at CYIA Pre-Training, but Pre-Training was the amazing part! Not only do I get to help with worship, but as a Studaff I also got to evaluate a practicum group, help with all sorts of Power Point and computer related issues and lead the devotional time for Saturday morning! Through all of it, God has shown me that this is where I am supposed to be, which is part of the amazing feeling. With the full week of training coming up in June, I can't wait to see what sorts of amazing things happen.

     Speaking of amazing things, I'm going to be a Team Trainer this year. (For those of you who don't know, a Team Trainer is the leader of a group of 3-4 CYIA Students, and may possibly help out with the teaching themselves. A Team Trainer helps the students learn, study and teach the materials used during the CYIA Training Week's 5 Day Club.) I have no idea who is going to be on my team, but I'm super excited to help them grow in God, and experience what it is like to lead a child to Christ.

     In other news, I've received a few posts on facebook saying that some of my status updates are too vague. I'll admit, they are a little scarce of details, but it's best that they stay that way for the time being. It appears that some people have already seen through the "vague updates" and know exactly what I'm talking about, but thankfully they are very trustworthy people and have not dispersed this knowledge to anyone else. For those of you who haven't seen the aforementioned "vague updates", rest assured that all will be revealed in good time. And it really will be in good time, since a lot of this whole thing is hinging on God, just like it should...although some people may disagree. What am I talking about? Just wait and see...

A New Season Enters The Queue...

     Queue: N. ~ a line of people or objects to be dealt with, starting at the first item, then the second, etc. New items are added to the end of the line.

     Life is a series of (No, not unfortunate) events. They are all added to the "Queue" as different things happen, and that queue is controlled by God. So if God wants something to  happen, He adds it at the perfect time to the end of the queue so that you will experience it when He wants you to. And that's kinda what is happening now...

     To start with, the Benton County CEF committee has approved my request to stay on with the local chapter during the summer to continue my work and training through my internship. As part of that, additional funds were needed to pay my way, both for the continued work and for the remaining money needed to fund my training at Children's Ministries Institute this Fall. With that in mind, I drove into work this morning to find that a very generous friend had decided to fund my cause with a $1000 check each of the 4 remaining months of my internship. That completely pays for my work from here to my trip, which means that any funds that come in from here on out are totally tax free, and completely dedicated to my CMI tuition.

     On another note, some reading over the weekend revealed the effects of some dedicated help and patience, which was capped by some conversational discussion today. 17 months of waiting, and still the stained class door has remained closed. It has become clearer to see through as time has gone by, but the time has not come to open it yet. Though, what I've seen and heard over the last few days makes me believe that I will be led to open it soon. I'm sure I know what I will find behind the door, after all, God told me what was behind it right after the door appeared, but I don't think I'm completely ready to find out that what He said is true. And that is probably why it hasn't opened yet, since God knows I'm not ready and is protecting me from what could be a disaster if not timed correctly.

     With all that said, a lot of things have been added to my life's "Queue". And although I can see what they look like from here, I have no idea what I'll be dealing with when they reach the front of the line. All I can do is pray and trust that God will make sure I'm prepared for whatever I have to face when the time comes.

Continued Direction

     Today starts another Monday for the work week, and unlike a lot of normal people, I enjoy Mondays. Today I teach some key Bible truths and lessons to 3 students over at Philomath Middle School during 7th period. Normally, we'd have more than 3 students in this class, but the whole "7th period" thing is a big issue for lots of potential attendees, whose class during that period is either really hard or really important. Anyway, these students are my favorite to teach, because I can actually relate to them and see the changes that God's word is having on their lives. As well, Mondays are the day that I do LOTS of stuff on the computer at the CEF office, and if you didn't already know, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WORKING WITH COMPUTERS!

     As well, Mondays are my "check-in" day with one of my really good friends. She's going through a lot, and I've taken it upon myself to try and help her out whenever I can. So, Monday mornings, I send her an email and see whats happening, how I can pray for her, and remind her that God is always there ready to help.

     Speaking of God helping, my application to Children's Ministries Institute has been accepted and all that's left for me to do is get ready to go. Which means paying the advanced reservation fees, buying new clothes to fit within the dress code, reserving plane tickets...oh, and raising all the money needed to do all those things and pay for the school. The estimated cost is $5500, I've already saved up $1000, and working up until the departure date should net me $3500 that I can apply towards the cost. Which leaves an extra $1000 to come from wherever God wants it to. Of course, all of the funds are in His hands, so if He truly wants me to go (everything I've seen so far makes the answer to that a "yes") then He will provide the funds I need.

     Now as for the title of this post, "Continued Direction". As I stated last post, God showed me what is behind the stained-glass door I've talked about. And now I've been waiting patiently to see when God would have me open the door. He still hasn't showed me, but His timing is not ours, and if He wants me to open it later, then I will continue to wait until that time comes. Regardless, I feel as if the time to open the door is really close. When it does, and I finally open it, I'll be sure to post the results here on my blog.

     Until next time, Godspeed!

Discovering the Obvious...

     So last night, like every night, I was lying there on the floor, (yes, I sleep on the floor. The lack of a bed in the room leaves more floor space for other things) trying to go to sleep, but all the thoughts in my head kept me up. So I started to ask God some questions. I asked about some of the things I've posted here; about my work with CEF, what I'm going to do over the summer, how I'm going to pay for CMI, which is coming up in the fall, and what I'm going to do after that. You see, I live my life by a simple set of rules, but I never really refined them until recently, when people started asking me what I would do in any given situation. It was then that I came up with one simple saying that defined it all. "Pray about it, and go on with life. When God wants to show you the answer, He'll show you, and you'll know." That was why I was asking God all these questions. Asking Him to show me what I needed to be shown, at His time and place.
     Of course, I didn't expect Him to answer so quickly. If you have been following my blog for awhile, or if you've gone back and read posts that you missed, you know that I've had this vision of a stained glass door of sorts that has been following me around. I've mentioned that I had some suspicions as to what was behind it, and some possible hints from God about what it led to, but now I'm convinced I know exactly what is behind it, I just don't know when I'll get to open the door. It was almost like God said, "What do you want Me to do? Put up a big neon sign with the answer!?!" God had already showed me, but I wasn't trusting what my brain was telling me. I couldn't bring myself to believe that the little hint was really God, and not just me twisting something to fit what I wanted. So like I said, when God wants to show you, He'll show you. Just ask Him and wait for His reply.
     So you could say, I discovered the obvious today. But however you want to put, I know I'm right where God wants me to be, and I'm really excited to see what He is going to do next!

Changes: The "Old", "New" and "Where the heck did that come from?" type...

     So...changes. Things changing from what they currently are into something else. A transformation of sorts. Well, that's what has been happening with me...

     My work with CEF continues on. 4 different groups of children call me teacher: the Kindergarten & 1st grade class at my church, The Released-Time classes at Philomath Middle School and Kings Valley Charter school, and the Good News Club at Franklin Elementary. Franklin's club was going to transition to meeting at a local church, but God came through with the money to pay for the rental fees of the school gym through the end of the year. So...almost a change, but then not. My funding has not changed, which is sad, not for me, but for Benton County CEF. For every dollar that doesn't come in to support me...a dollar comes out of their budget to make sure that I have a paycheck every month, while the Director and Assistant Director take cuts or late paychecks. So, pray that that would change.

     A group of CEF staff and friends have joined together to start a weekly prayer e-mail and monthly prayer meeting for CEF's various classes, clubs, training and funding. Though they don't know it yet, I'll be posting the prayer updates on a new, "CEF of Benton County" page on facebook. Hopefully that will be updated Mondays. The prayer meetings, e-mails and this facebook page are all a major change form the way things were last year...so pray that it all goes smoothly.

     Meanwhile, one of my close friends is experiencing heavy difficulties at a local community college. She continues to press forward, but the trials keep coming. So much so that it seems as if they are a direct attack from the Enemy. I'm doing the best I can to try and help her see God in all of this, but I'm going into unfamiliar territory with a lot of the things she's going through. God continues to show me where to go and what to say, but the whole situation is still a major element of change for me.

     In my own life, my tax returns have been accepted and the money from them (Since I pretty much got all of it back) went towards funding my new laptop (from which I write this new post), and some accessories to go with it. However, this weekend held the surprise that the Xbox 360 I had fixed last summer is once again experiencing the Red Ring of Death (Basically...it doesn't do anything) and the back-up motherboard will only let the console read DVD's...no games. So, my brother and I are stuck without a game system for at least two months, until we can save up the funds for a new Xbox 360 S. This is probably for the best for Justin, as a local band has lost their previous drummer and it looks as if Justin will be his replacement. Of course, he doesn't have his driver's license yet, so I get to drive him to practices...good thing I got this laptop!

     All in all, these changes and not so changes are good, but as always, they can be a little rough getting through. God continues to support and guide me though...so I guess it's kind of like diving out of an airplane in the dark of night: you really have no idea what's down there, but you know you have your 'chute and instructor to help you make a smooth landing.

*EDIT*

     So, that facebook page for CEF of Benton County is not going to be up and running this week. I got sick Monday, so no work. And no work means no prayer letter update which means nothing to post on the page. Hopefully next week will be more open...

Caution: Road curves ahead

     Well, God is throwing me a curve right now. Make that a lot of curves. First off, It's been 6 months and I've only been able to raise $900 towards my CMI fund. I guess I thought it would be higher by now. Anyway, that leaves me with $4000 to raise in the next 6 months. Lots of time to be faithful and continue on.

     Second, there's been some progress on the whole "Stained Glass Door" topic. A bunch of times popped up where it seemed like God was saying, "Open it." but He wasn't. Maybe it was a test to see if I would rely on Him completely for the right timing. And then there was some analogies I posted in my gmail status, and one of my friends started talking to me about it, not noticing that the analogy was about them. It is so very hard to discuss a secret with the person the secret is about.

     Third, (though maybe it should be fourth) my teaching team at my church has been cut in half. At my church, we usually have two teaching groups for each class. The schedule then rotates per week depending on whose teaching. What this means is: on week 1 Team A teaches, week 2 Team B teaches, week 3 Team A teaches etc. However, the couple that was teaching as part of "Team B" had to step down for reasons unknown to me and now I'm teaching every week. Not that I don't like the idea, it fits perfectly with what I'm doing with CEF clubs, but it makes life a little more hectic. As well, my team of helpers (my family) only helps out every other week (So they would be Team A helpers). The helpers from Team B are still there for Team B weeks, but I still have an open spot to fill, since we only have 3 out of 4 helpers. I have a friend who loves working with kids, and she said she wanted to help, but currently whether she will help or not is up in the air.

     It may not seem like much, but the amount of thought that goes into everything I just mentioned is really huge. But of course, God is in control and never ceases to show me where to go. Hopefully, my enormous amount of thinking doesn't block out God's attempts to show me His will.

The Cycle Redux

     Redux: restored, brought back, revisited. As we begin this new year of 2011, that is what has happened: the beginning has been revisited. The cycle has begun anew as we count down towards the next year. As always, you can learn from the past to help you in the present and future. As such, this post will consist of the top moments I can remember in my life from the past year, in no particular order (though you may find that some of them are listed chronologically as per my natural tendency), excluding those things which have yet to be finished.
     First off, my graduation from Cornerstone: School of Ministry. From fall 2009 to spring 2010 I studied under some wonderful people in the faith in a small building located on my church's beautiful property in Corvallis. I can recall 25 students who either graduated at the end of the school year, or left as God called them elsewhere, not counting the many people who came to classes part time to learn in areas where they felt God's call. The whole school body was amazing and I appreciate every one of them. I learned a lot about myself, God and Christianity as a whole, while being built up through the fellowship of my friends. Through it, God showed me where to go next, and possibly where I might stay for quite awhile: children's ministry. Lots of thanks to Alyssa Blythe, Amy Knight, Jessica Erhardt, Marvin Watts and Tim Vreeland, the members of my house group; Ben Lyon, Jeremy Bible, Jordan Gerding and Tom Cox, the members of my small group; Andrew Garver, Kene Panas, and Bill Vreeland, good friends who helped with various things: You all made a difference in my life, whether you realize it or not. Thank you for not giving up!
     The summer of 2010 marked my 6th year of volunteering with Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF), my 5th year as a Christian Youth In Action (CYIA) student, and my 2nd year serving as Summer Missionary with my local CEF chapter. I have learned a lot through working with CEF and it has changed how I viewed ministry starting back when I was 14. Special thanks to Karis Monroe, my Open-Air partner; Elise Andersen, my Team Trainer; Joseph Mansanti, Angela Kirschner and Hope Schmeltzer, my fellow members of Team #6 (The most awesome team ever!); and the many faces of the worship team: All of you guys & girls rock!
     In fall 2010 I began working with CEF as a Ministry Intern. Basically, I work part time and help out with any office work, computer work or various other things that need doing. As well, I help teach at two classes: A Released-time class Mondays for the Philomath Middle School, and an After School Good News Club Thursdays at Franklin Elementary in Corvallis. The work is awesome, as it combines my two favorite things to do: work with computers and teach kids. The goal of my Internship is to: 1. train me to be a better teacher & 2. raise the needed money to pay for me to take a course at Children's Ministries Institute (CMI), which is located at CEF HQ in Warrenton, Missouri.
     To top everything off, we have the surprise New Years's Eve party thrown for my best friend, Andrew Bullock. After some 3 weeks of talk over what to do, the day arrived and the plan went into motion. Andrew's girlfriend, Jo, would accompany him to the store to pick up the pizza for the party attendees (which he believed was going to be just his family and Jo). While they did that, my brother and I would arrive, deposit the multiple 2-liters of soda on the table and await Andrew's return in his bedroom. This was all done, and Justin and I waited patiently for the cue from Andrew's mother. He returned, dropped off the pizza, and was told that he needed to put his coat away in his bedroom before they could proceed with the eating of said pizzas. He opened the door to his room, turned on the light, saw Justin and I standing there...and exploded. (In a good, overjoyed Andrew sort of way. You really had to be there to get the full reaction.) The night continued, full of pizza, soda, Halo, Inception and pure awesome. I do have to say that so far, that was the best New Year's Eve I have had. If that ends up being the last time I see Andrew before he leaves for CMI in a few weeks, I'm confident that was the most awesome send-off we could have mustered.
     So there you have it, the top moments I had during the last year. Now that it is 2011, I look forward to continuing my work with CEF, my time at CMI and maybe, just maybe, finding out what lies behind that stained glass door I mentioned so many posts ago. Happy New Year and Godspeed!

PS. If you're lost of any of this, chances are I mentioned in my previous posts so look there first. If you still can't seem to find the path you were looking for, leave a comment and I'll try and clear up whatever may be causing your lost-ness. (No, lost-ness is not a word...)