Wow, almost a whole month since my last blog post. It's been a crazy month, that's for sure. What with Camp Good News preparation, Camp Good News itself, and then 4 days worth of fair ministry shifts during the last 3 weeks. Lots of work...but lots of reward as well. Many children have been reached or encouraged during that time, and I'm happy knowing that I got to be a part of God's work in their lives.
Beyond ministry, life is actually quite odd for me right now. For some reason all of the things that happened last year at this time are flooding my mind. Pretty much every memory or emotion associated with August of last year and my time at CMI has come up, and they're making it very hard for me to focus on what I'm doing this year.
Work for CEF of Oregon still hasn't started due to a lack of funding. Although I'm pretty sure God had His hand in that. CEF of Benton County really needed my help this summer, so that at least part of why I'm here rather than there. Of course...God could be trying to lead me in some other direction besides working for CEF of Oregon, but right now I'm not really sure. I do know that I love teaching, I love working on computers, and I love helping people do things they need/want to do. My potential job at CEF of Oregon would be a great place to do all three of those things...but maybe God is leading me elsewhere.
There's a possibility of me staying on here in Benton County, I could also do some free lance computer work, or might even start working for my church as a tech specialist. But right now, God's not leading me in one certain direction. Now I know some people would say that at this point in my life, since God seems to be backing off and each position would make good use of my talents/gifts/abilities, that I should choose which one I want to take. But I disagree. I know that if I choose, I may not choose the best option. And that does have a reason behind it.
You see, I believe that no matter what we do in life, God has a preferred choice. Even if it is "up to us" to decide what to do, I believe God still has a choice He would like for us to take, because He knows it would be the best one for us. Now you may say, "If God want's you to make a choice, then you should make one!" But I say no! If God gives me a choice to make, wouldn't it be best to ask Him which one I should choose?
When it really comes down to it, I don't want to choose where my life goes, and want that to be up to God. Because I know that if it was up to me, I would do things wrong. So...when it comes to trusting God when he tells me to do something, I'm all in. But if I have to make a decision then I have to trust myself...and I don't. I don't trust myself. So really, when some might say that I get to choose between what path I take, I find myself at a point where I must choose to trust God or trust myself. The answer should be obvious: I choose to trust God.
So...since God isn't giving me a clear direction, and I'm obviously not going to trust myself over God...it looks like I have to wait for God to show me which path to take. And while I wait...I'll just keep doing what He told me to do last: tell kids about Him!
