Hope...

     It's been awhile since I've posted here, and there's two reasons for that. First, I've been busy. Second...well, I haven't really had anything to say. God's been trying to get the same lesson into my head for awhile now, and I think I've finally figured it out. God's plans may not change, but our actions can slow those plans down. And it's been my actions that He's been refining. My heart was in the right place...but it's only now that my actions finally match fully. I know, I know...not much detail, but that's not why I'm posting. I'm posting because of our hope.

     Hope is not, "Oh, I hope I get my favorite toy for Christmas!" That's a wish. Hope is an assurance of things to come in the future. We place our hope in Christ, for we know that in the end, all those who trust in Him will be saved, no matter what disasters may befall us between then and now. As we get closer to that time, grow closer to Him, walk with Him, and really discover what He has for us we start to become more like Him. Those things we hate to do become things of the past and new works are found in our lives: works made possible through God's power.

     That being said, we also have faith. Faith is believing what God says and also doing it. You can't say that you have faith in God and then not do His works. That'd be like telling me you trust a chair to hold you up...but then you won't go sit in that same chair. Faith is basically trust + action.

     Now, when I put faith and hope together...I find something interesting in my life. I trust God, I act upon that trust, and my actions help to instill hope into others. And in particular...there's one instance I can think of where I'm trusting God for something so my actions instill both hope and faith as their main purpose. But it's going to take time. Time to increase hope, to increase faith, to increase trust...and I get the feeling it's going to be a long time.

     Remember, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain if you place your hope, faith, and trust in Christ! My hope, faith, and trust lie with Him. Without Him, I lose everything, but with Him...perhaps I can find what I've lost...

Free Choice or Trust?

     Wow, almost a whole month since my last blog post. It's been a crazy month, that's for sure. What with Camp Good News preparation, Camp Good News itself, and then 4 days worth of fair ministry shifts during the last 3 weeks. Lots of work...but lots of reward as well. Many children have been reached or encouraged during that time, and I'm happy knowing that I got to be a part of God's work in their lives.

     Beyond ministry, life is actually quite odd for me right now. For some reason all of the things that happened last year at this time are flooding my mind. Pretty much every memory or emotion associated with August of last year and my time at CMI has come up, and they're making it very hard for me to focus on what I'm doing this year.

     Work for CEF of Oregon still hasn't started due to a lack of funding. Although I'm pretty sure God had His hand in that. CEF of Benton County really needed my help this summer, so that at least part of why I'm here rather than there. Of course...God could be trying to lead me in some other direction besides working for CEF of Oregon, but right now I'm not really sure. I do know that I love teaching, I love working on computers, and I love helping people do things they need/want to do. My potential job at CEF of Oregon would be a great place to do all three of those things...but maybe God is leading me elsewhere.

     There's a possibility of me staying on here in Benton County, I could also do some free lance computer work, or might even start working for my church as a tech specialist. But right now, God's not leading me in one certain direction. Now I know some people would say that at this point in my life, since God seems to be backing off and each position would make good use of my talents/gifts/abilities, that I should choose which one I want to take. But I disagree. I know that if I choose, I may not choose the best option. And that does have a reason behind it.

     You see, I believe that no matter what we do in life, God has a preferred choice. Even if it is "up to us" to decide what to do, I believe God still has a choice He would like for us to take, because He knows it would be the best one for us. Now you may say, "If God want's you to make a choice, then you should make one!" But I say no! If God gives me a choice to make, wouldn't it be best to ask Him which one I should choose?

     When it really comes down to it, I don't want to choose where my life goes, and want that to be up to God. Because I know that if it was up to me, I would do things wrong. So...when it comes to trusting God when he tells me to do something, I'm all in. But if I have to make a decision then I have to trust myself...and I don't. I don't trust myself. So really, when some might say that I get to choose between what path I take, I find myself at a point where I must choose to trust God or trust myself. The answer should be obvious: I choose to trust God.

     So...since God isn't giving me a clear direction, and I'm obviously not going to trust myself over God...it looks like I have to wait for God to show me which path to take. And while I wait...I'll just keep doing what He told me to do last: tell kids about Him!

I Will...

     It seems that God has been bringing things into my life to reveal something deep in my heart that I've been missing as of late: the joy of doing things for other people. Not like getting them things they need, or doing something over the top to make them feel appreciated, but rather doing things so that they don't have to. Doing something that they need to do, but either forget about or don't have time for.

     You see, God's built it into me to help people when they need it. And that's not just a desire...it's my fuel: what I live off of, how I feel that my life has purpose, what makes me truly thrive. If I have ever helped you, you'll probably remember the fact that I was happy the whole time, even if it kept me from something I wanted to do. But what you didn't know is this: the best way to thank me is to tell me what my help let you do with that extra time you saved, and saying thank you. You telling me that I was able to make your life a little more enjoyable or easier is part of what keeps me going. Sometimes, people don't tell me...but that's fine. Most of the time the people who don't say anything are the people who I get to see often, and I can tell how my help has made their life better just by watching.

     For the last couple of months...I think I've really missed out on this. Probably because I went to CMI and had to change my whole mindset when going there, and then switch it back when I returned home. But now...now things have changed. Although I may be leaving home soon to see what God has for me on my own, I have this time, right now, to help my family. It may not be my job...but I will pick up the slack. I will not stand by and let little things keep my family from enjoying life. Sure, that means I won't be able to do things I might like to...but if it means my family can enjoy their lives, then it is worth it.

     That mindset...I'm not sure many people know how much that's become a part of me. Sure, there are times to say no...but not now, not with them. When my family gives it their all, and leaves slack that I can easily cover then its my responsibility. I can't ask more of them, just like God never asks more of us. He allows us to give it our best, and trust Him with the rest. And to an extent...that's what I must do.

     I know God is bringing this back because I need it for later...for when I am a husband and a father. I have to be willing to go beyond what I need to do and do what I can do. Even if that means I miss out on "fun" things. But really, how can something be fun when my family suffers? It can't, not if I want to call myself a man. And a man is what I must be; not what the world calls a man, but what God calls a man.

     God always does things with a purpose. So if He's teaching me this now, I know I'll need it...and I'll probably need it soon. Things may not be the way I thought they would be right now, but God is still the same. And it's Him that I trust. I may not understand what He is doing, or how He will make the things that He's showed me become reality, but I will still follow Him. And while I follow, I'll do what I can to make sure those close to me become all that God wants them to be, even if that means I have to do extra work.

     Remember, God has called you to be conformed to the image of His Son; Jesus Christ. Spend time with God, find out just where He's trying to work in your life and join Him in that work! It may just be that He has something amazing planned for you that requires that work be done ;)

Trusting God...

     Sometimes we don't understand God's plans. Why? Because we're human :P As humans our knowledge and understanding is finite, where God's is infinite. So we don't always understand why God has us do stuff. But He always has a purpose to His plans, and those purposes are always accomplished. As well, God's promises will never go unfulfilled. They may not be answered for some time, but God will always fulfill His promises.

     I know it's hard to trust God sometimes, but you have to do it! Think of what Jesus had to do: knowing He would be separated from God, Jesus willingly went to the cross, and yet, He asked that if there was any other way for us to be saved that He might do that instead. And yet still, He submitted to the Father. That is the hardest thing anyone has ever had to trust someone with. And if Jesus trusted God then, He knows how you feel having a hard time trusting Him now. But Jesus doesn't sit there and laugh, He wants to come alongside you and help you trust God.

     You see, trusting God and having faith in Him doesn't mean that you don't have doubts. Rather, it means that you obey God despite your doubts. Sometimes it may get harder, and other times it may get easier, but it is always worth it in the end. And through it all, you become the person God wants you to be.

     I know through my own experiences, including today's little adventure, that trusting God can be hard. But I know that if I trust Him, everything will turn out better than I would have ever dreamed. So even if I don't understand it, I'm still going to follow Him. I know that He will eventually make good on His promise.

     It's never easy to be a Christian, but it is always, ALWAYS worth it in the end. So trust God and see what things He wants to do in your life when you obey Him.

Tennis!?! Really!?!

     I've compared life to so many things before: puzzle pieces, landscapes, musical orchestras. And yet here I go again. This time comparing my life to...a tennis court. Yep, that's right. A tennis court. Confused? Then read on, I'll explain what I mean.

     In tennis, one player will serve, and the other player must return the shot. Once the shot has been returned, this action becomes what's known as a "volley." The volley continues until one player fails to return the shot, at which point the other player gets to serve for another volley. There are always three players on life's court though: you, the person you're interacting with, and God. Sometimes one player is too weak to continue, or is on the wrong side of the court to return the shot, but God jumps in and hits it for them. As well, just like a tennis volley doesn't always have the same speed for each return hit, so too life's returns aren't always spaced the same. Finally...sometimes the volley ends, and it's time for a re-serve, but those re-serves don't always happen at the same time, either.

     It's at this point that I find myself: a friend of mine and I had a good volley going. Each shot was returned well. At times the returns were faster or slower, harder and softer, straight and curved. But each shot was returned. And then the volley ended; God stepped in and called a time out. The game wasn't over, but it was time for a break. That break...became rather long, and I despaired of ever starting the game up again, when God came over, sat next to me, and let me know that the game would continue...I just had to be patient.

     Turns out that patience is about to pay off. The racquets are ready. The ball is in my hand, and it's my turn to serve. God told me when I'm supposed to serve but...the other player, well...they aren't on the other side of the court. But God said to serve. And He told me when. So I'm left with only one thing to do: wait. Wait until it's my time to serve and then serve that next volley as best I can, trusting that the other player will be back on the court in time to return the shot.

     I really don't know what's going to happen, but that's not for me to know. It's for me to trust God's plan. I do know when this next volley will be served: July 5th. So come July 5th, if you could be praying that God would give me wisdom in what to say and do, and that I would trust Him no matter what, I would greatly appreciate it. May God continue to lead you in the paths and plans He has for you so that you may become everything He wants you to be.

Quick Update...

     UPDATE: So...looks like the meeting is postponed until next week sometime. I'll let you know when I know.

     Not sure how many of you will read this, but if you are reading this could you please pray for me tomorrow around lunch time? Just pray that God would give me the words to speak and that His will would be done. A simple request really, and a simple task, since all I have to do is let God be God and for me to do what He says, but I'd really like to bathe it in prayer. To really ask God to go all out on this one and make sure He does exactly what He wants.

     I'll post more tomorrow and let you know what your prayers were for. It's going to be a surprise for both you and me that way! ;) If God lays other things on your heart to pray for, then please, go ahead. But mainly, I would really like prayer for His will to be done and His words to be spoken. It's a hard thing in front of me to do, and I'm going to need all of God's strength to do it. And whatever happens...may it be His will. As always, I want my life to bring God the most glory possible...may your life do the same.

Directive Clarification...

     So today was the end of CYIA (Christian Youth In Action) 2012. This year I had a five member team (one of two such teams) comprised of four 3rd year students, and one 1st year student. And, more or less, they all taught like 3rd year students. My fellow dorm guys were a blast, and so was my counseling group of 5 within the dorm. And then there's the "Phineas & Ferb: Evangelism is For Everyone" skit, and the "Tony Villanueva is Iron-Man" trailer, both of which were totally EPIC. Finally...there was a surprise...one I had been praying for, and yet it was also a chance to grow.

     It's about 10 pm as I write this, and between now and 4 this afternoon, God answered 5 different, successive, intertwining, prayer requests with a yes. Including some that were actually my dad's, but somehow they interlocked with mine. Anyway...I had taken a walk to clear my head after an rather unexpected turn of events this afternoon. It seems God is trying to teach me to act on less and less of His promptings; that is to say, He wants me to act without having to tell me things so many times. And this will be an exercise in that...as well as an exercise in faith.

     What, you ask, is this exercise? Well...I'm not going to tell you quite yet. It'd ruin the whole faith thing...at least for me. If I told you what it was, you would know...and that could possibly give me a perspective I didn't have before that would cause me to have less faith. So for now, it must remain a mystery. But I know it is what God wants me to do.

     At the same time, God has been doing a work in my heart. He's continued to increase the passion I have to see young men become the men that God has called them to be. He's also worked into my heart a desire to see the word preached in it's fullness, so that today's people can understand it and LIVE IT. And, through my awesome brother Justin, it seems He's also given me a long term picture of where I will be someday. I know I'm called to work with CEF now...but in the future, it seems that I'm called to be an XP. That is...and "Executive Pastor." Christian website "The Resurgence" posted an article that defines this role...and it fits me to a T. Almost scary. But if God has called me to it, then there's nothing I would rather do.

     So...steps in faith, new position at CEF of Oregon starting next month, and the position of Executive Pastor in my future? Only God could take the credit for all this! May His glory be spread through my life and yours! May you know His peace, His joy, and His will in your life.

Commercial Break For Life...

     We now take a break from our regular program for a life update :P God's been doing some things in my life over the past year, and I thought it'd be good to go over those and see where that's taking me in the near future, as well as take a look at some recent things that have happened. And here we...go.

     About this time last year, I was prepping for summer ministry and Christian Youth In Action, as well looking to go to Children's Ministries Institute in August. CMI was where I was headed because I was interested in becoming a local director for one Child Evangelism Fellowship's ministry chapters (usually those are divided by county). While at CMI, God showed me that my position within CEF should really be one of service and support...so I thought a director position was out of the question. Turns out I was only half right.

     Local Director is not where I'm called to be, but rather the Director of Communications and Technology for CEF of Oregon. The responsibility is much higher than my current position, but so is the amount of enjoyment I will get out of it and the amount of work that can be done for God through it, which is really what matters. Its pretty much all computer work, but I still get to work with and for the children, as I'll be teaching at a Good News Club and all of my other work goes to help reach more children through the rest of our ministries.

     At the same time, God's been building something in my brother, our long time friend Andrew, and myself: a longing to see the word preached, and a church body supported as not many others have really done recently. In all reality, the idea that God would use three guys like us to start a radical Christian church that actually changes the world around it is rather absurd...God has given each of us a heart to do just that. When....I don't know, but I know it probably won't be for another 5 years. God still has things that He's teaching all three of us, and until all those things come to fruition, we aren't in any position to be starting a church.

     In the meantime, I think God has other plans for us. For Justin and Andrew, I don't know what God's thinking...but I think I'm beginning to understand what God has planned for me. (Notice that's beginning, as it's been almost 3 years since I've started to see and I still don't get it! :P) Earlier this week, God reminded me of a "promise" He made to me awhile back. This led to a discovery about what may have truly caused everything that's happened during the last 6 months.

     And then, earlier today...God showed me something that blew my mind: He revealed that He had been working behind the scenes more than I thought and that His promise was not too far off from fulfillment. I just have to be patient and wait. To think that I'm this close to seeing that promise fulfilled...wow, just...wow.

     Anyway, next weekend starts CYIA, and after that...I'll post an update about everything that God did through the amazing people there. Plenty to do between here and there...so look for another post on Friday, June 22nd.

Ability and Stability...

     While I was at Children's Ministries Institute (CMI), I was very pleased to be in a 4-day class schedule with Dr. Robert Rohm, President of Personality Insights, Inc. Rohm is an expert when it comes to learning how to get along with people, even those kind of people who really get on your nerves :P It also turns out that he is a great motivational speaker, and he's channeled that gift into an weekly email that combines his life experience, God-given motivational speaking, and personality insights into one totally awesome thing to look forward to every Monday morning when I check my email.

     While I find each one of his email helpful, the one that he sent out this week was particularly encouraging. I find it totally amazing how God can link together random things to "speak" to those who are trying to listen for Him, and this happens to be one thing in a puzzle of sorts, which I'll explain as we go. Dr. Rohm's email this week was about how your ability will increases as your stability increases. Basically, the more stable you are, the more able you are! The illustration he paired with this insight was one I can attest to from my own experience: setting fence posts.

     If you wish to set a fence post that will hold up the fence for a LONG time, then you have to make sure you set it right. First, you dig the hole. The hole has to be big enough to hold the post and the concrete that will stabilize it, and deep enough to provide the proper resistance to it being pushed over. Then, you have to place the fence post in the middle of the hole, pour in the concrete and hold it long enough for the concrete to set a little, that way you don't have to worry about it falling over. Then...you wait. Once the concrete has fully cured, that is to say, that it has dried and hardened completely, you have one more thing to do: shake the post...violently.

     "WHY DO YOU SHAKE THE POST!?!" you may be asking. You shake the post to make sure that its set correctly. Don't want to build the whole fence and then find out that the posts come right out, now do we? If you can shake the post and it doesn't budge, then you have a sturdy post that can hold up a fence, if not, then you have to take the post out and set it again. This setting and shaking pretty much explains my life right now. God's trained me, led me, and shown me a whole bunch...and from all that stemmed a promise, a calling, and a huge leap of faith.

     The promise is something I've written about here in the past; a promise to Karis Monroe that I would give her space and time to think about our relationship. Originally, I promised that I would wait until she finished Bible college, at which point I'd check with her and either continue or end our relationship based on her decision. But the more I think about it...the more I realize that the promise really should be that I'll wait however long it takes, and so I've set myself to that.

     The calling is one into ministry. God has gifted me with talents just as He has gifted you, and while your gifts may place somewhere in the American workforce, mine place me in a supporting and leading role within the ministry of Christ and His church. This coming June I'll be stepping into a new position where my entire job revolves around helping other people do their jobs better so that more ministry work can be done, and so that it can be done more effectively. In the future, I believe God would see me become some sort of pastor, possibly to the men of a church body, as I have a heart to see these men become what God truly wants them to be as husbands and fathers.

    The leap of faith...well that really applies to both. It takes an insane amount of faith to keep my promise to Karis, and with almost no monthly support coming in currently for my new position (it's a "I need to raise $3000 a month to work full-time" type thing :P), it takes an insane amount of faith to step out and commit to this position, which starts in just over a month. (O.O) Both are areas that God has "set" me in. And now, with things getting tight and doubt trying to creep in, I believe that God has moved on to the "shaking" step of building this fence. (Guess that makes me a fence. Who knew! :P)

     But! (If you buy two completos, it will only cost you $2! (See this for why I put that there)) If God is moving on to the shaking step, then that means He is done setting me! So if I seek Him,ask Him for strength, and DON'T MOVE then after all the shaking is done and over with I'll be a sturdy fence post! So although times may be rough, I have hope in God for what my future brings. And when it's all said and done, He'll be the one who gets all the glory, since He's the one who sets up us fence posts to begin with :P

Things on my mind...

     Have you ever had God constantly bring something to your mind? I can think of many missionaries who had God do that in their lives, and some friends who watched as God did that as well. I know God had His reasons for leading them the way He did, but I feel terrible sorry for them. I think I have the easy end of this bargain. You see, God has been bringing something up in my mind for some time now. Well, actually...it's multiple things. All of which, like my friends and fellow Christians before me, has to do with my future.

     A missionary I can think of, Mary Slessor, was given a call to preach the gospel to an African tribe. She was given the call when she was in her youth, probably no more than 15, and yet she had to wait until she was in her mid-twenties to see that call fulfilled. And this is why I think I have the easy end of things; God has only recently revealed a larger part of what He has called me to do with my life; help others live as He intended. And part of that will begin here in June, a wait of about 6 months total from reception to action.

     Along with this call into a ministry of helps, which I think will turn into a teaching position with a church of some kind, God continues to remind me of other things. One of these other things is something I have tried hard to let go of, to clear out of my mind. I guess...I had a doubt as to whether that was what God was really wanting to do, and not just what I wanted. So...I let go of it. You can only let go of something so many times and have it return before you know that it's what God wants. But...I still had (and have) my doubts, so I asked God recently if it was His idea or mine. And in a way, this is what He said: "I have been planning this from the beginning of the world. It's going to happen, just trust Me and watch."

     So...I guess I can't let that one go :P Not that I want to, but now I know it was fully God's idea and not mine, and it's much easier to hold on to now. Oh, sorry...did I start writing cryptically again? I do that from time to time. And no, this time it no different...I'm not going to tell you what I mean :P

Choices...

     I was talking with some friends today about how God gives us choices to make in our lives. Sometimes, God gives us a choice between doing what we want and what He wants. A choice between something good and something bad. Obviously, His will is for us to choose the good. Sometimes God gives us a choice between two equally good things, and allows us to pick what we would want to do. Why? Because He's a father and loves to bless His children. And other times, God gives us a choice between two things: one good, and one better. And usually, the better one is the harder one. As well, it also causes us to grow more in Christ, and that's part of why God wants us to take the best route.

     Both my friends and I have been in places where we didn't know what to choose, but we sought out God's will, and with time He revealed which way for us to take. Was it hard? Yes. Was it worth it? You better believe it was worth it! It may have been hard, but it caused each of us to grow in the way God needed us to grow, and that resulted in a bunch of things: in the long run, we were happier; God received more glory; and His love was spread to others. So, that makes it totally worth it!

     Recently (as in, this morning), I've had to make another choice. A choice where I could either take the easy road, and in essence quit on what God had for me, or I could stay. Stay and go through some of the hardest stuff I've ever been through. Does it seem like it's worth it now? No. Is it where God wants me? Yes. Will it be amazing once I get through it all? Totally.

     ...it's still hard though! But enough about what's hard. I had a choice: do what God wants, or cop out and settle for 2nd best. No way am I settling for 2nd best! If God wants me somewhere, that's where I'm going! So...the hard way it is. (Oops, mentioned hard again :P) So I've made my choice. Have you made yours? If God is calling you to something hard, DO IT! In the end, it is always worth it :D

A Father's Heart...

     Today is a Tuesday, and for the last two years (during the school months), I've been a babysitter at my church's "Tuesday Morning Women's Study." It's become one of my favorite times of the week, because I get to spend the hours of 9-12 every Tuesday morning with the under 3 kids that the moms bring. Usually, that number ends up being close to 12 kids to watch, so thank goodness for adequate help! But today, it was just 6 (partly because that's all the kids we could support with just 2 helpers). 

     In those 6 kids, where 2 boys and 4 girls. 3 of the girls have been coming with their moms for as long as I can remember, and the newest one just started coming a few months ago. This morning the youngest and newest girl was passed off to me by her mom (she can't walk yet, but she can sit up) and stayed with me for most of the morning. And at one point, one of the other girls also came and sat with me. For some reason, I've been her favorite helper since I started coming, and I'm not sure if that's because I look like her dad a little bit or because I'm the only one who actually picks her up when she starts crying. Regardless of why, I joked as they both sat with me that, "If I posted on facebook that I had a girl on each arm, I'd probably get a lot of interesting responses!"

     After class I did post it to facebook, with a line indicating that they were just really little kids, but it was then that something hit me: both of the girls were happier with me then they were with the other helper, a girl in middle school who's family has been friends with my family for almost 4 years now. So, in a sense, they chose me over her.

     If you've known me long enough, you know I don't like pain myself. I also don't like inflicting pain. I don't like seeing anything in pain, animal or human, and especially not children. So when a kid in this class starts crying, my heart wants to remove that pain even if it harms me. And although I feel that way for the little guys in our class, it's especially strong for the little girls. And if I feel this way now, how much stronger will that be when I have daughters of my own?

     I guess I see in myself a small mustering of a father's heart. One that cares for his daughters. And really, that's just a subset of the heart of a true man, because a true man cares for all of the women in his life. Every man has the potential to have this heart, but I don't think most men start to see it come out this early, unless they've already had kids of their own. I see a small part of a father's heart coming alive in me, and that...well frankly it makes me think I'm going to need a father's heart sometime soon.

     Of course, the only way to get a father's heart is to ask for it from our true Father, God. And for those of you who are men reading this, maybe you should be asking for that heart. Doesn't matter what age you are, if you're married or not, or if you have children yet. Prayer can be lifted up to God at anytime for things to come, even if they are years away, so pray for that heart to be in you. And while you're at it, why don't you ask for God to make your heart into the heart of a true man? You have a mom, probably have sisters, and I can bet you have your eye on someone special. God calls for you to treat each and every one of them with respect, love and care. So, if I were you, I'd ask him for that heart.

     I know from experience that a similar heart is being built in me, and I can only guess what it's for. Maybe I'll be using it more in the near future, or maybe I'll need it farther down the road. Whenever I need it, I know God is building it for a purpose: His heart for me (and for you). God's heart for us is that we would be loved, cared for, respected, and that we could be the best we can be. And that's exactly what I want for everyone in my life, both men and women, friends and acquaintances, elders and peers, even the little babies.

The Peace of God...

     A good friend of mine once sent me some encouraging words along with the verse Isaiah 26:3. Here's the verse in NKJV:

You will keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on You,

Because he trusts in You.

     "Perfect peace" is literally "shalom shalom" in Hebrew. The repeated word serves as an amplifier of the original meaning, so it's not just peace, but rather a "peace of peace," or the best of the best when it comes to peace. "Stayed" literally means "to set upon," kinda like you would put a plate on a table, or a book on a book shelf. "Trusts" is literally "to hurry to for refuge." So the verse then becomes:

You will keep him in the peace of all peace,

Whose mind is placed upon You,

Because he hurries to You for refuge.

      When we have the mind of God, which means that we are thinking what God's thinking, and we hurry to Him when we need protection and refuge, he not only protects us with His almighty hand, but gives us a peace unlike any other. When we are focused on God and stay with/in Him, we aren't worried about anything else. And it's when we are in this kind of peace that we can really hear God speaking to us.

     I've experienced this kind of peace recently, specifically for the last week. And it's not because I did anything super special, I just gave up my own desires and asked God to show me and give me His desires. It was after this and some time spent just searching for God's will that I felt at peace. And I still feel it. I'd had been trying to find out which direction God wanted me to go, but I let go and decided to wait until God showed me what He wanted me to do, rather than rely on a sketchy idea.

     Tuesday night, God finally showed me what He wanted me to do. And amazingly, I went and did it without questioning if it was actually Him or not. Why? Because He had given me His peace. And when you have God's peace, when He speaks to you, shows you something, or reminds you of His promises, you know without a shadow of a doubt that it's Him. For me, that happened Tuesday...and Thursday...and today. God said, in essence, "Hey, remember what I said? It's still true."

     And although I'm incredibly happy and joyous about seeing God reaffirm His promises to me, I'm happier still to know that I can trust my God. When He says something's going to happen, it's going to happen. With God there is not even a hint of ever turning from what He has spoken. And that is just one more thing I can give Him praise for.

     For those of you reading, why don't you take some time and search for God's peace in your own life? Find a quiet spot, clear your mind, read the the Word, pray, give up your own desires and ask for God's. When you do, I can bet that you'll find God's peace has filled your life. Keep your focus on Him and don't be afraid of what He has or will show you. It may be hard, but it brings us closer to Him and makes us more like His Son. And ultimately, it brings Him more glory and bring more souls unto Him. So find His peace in your life and do what He shows you to do.

One of Those Days...

     Sometimes I have days where things are amazing. And then I have days where things are amazing, and yet confusing. Today...is one of those days. You see, today it feels like I'm being pulled in two directions; like God is telling me to go two different ways at the same time. I know He's telling me one or the other, but I can't quite figure out which one is Him and which one is me.

     At least not right now. And that's the hard part. I know that as I wait, things will become clearer and eventually I'll see with totally clarity which one is God's direction. But right now it just feels so...urgent. Like I have to know right now. Not sure why, but that's just how it feels.

     I know God has everything in His hands, and He will let me know at just the right time. So instead of worrying about when I'll find out or what the answer is, I've decided I'm going to be thankful that I can feel God leading me in a direction. Even if I'm not sure what direction that is yet. I feel His pulling at my heart, and yet so many other people don't.

     And that is part of the pulling too. I need to help people know when God is pulling them in a direction. And to do that, I have to wait for Him to show me exactly what direction He's pulling me in. Because it's only when I walk where God wants me to walk that I'll be able to lead other people to do the same. Whether it's my friends, other men, teenagers, kids, my future family, anyone.

     So yeah, it's just one of those days. One of those days where I have to man up and wait for God to show me what to do.

Derailment, Irony & a $20 bill...

     I recently heard the following lyrics in a song and thought, "How true they are." The lyrics come form a song by Christian metal band Oh, Sleeper. The song is Means to Believe, off of their Children of Fire album.

He gave me a train with no tracks,

With no wood to build or burn for steam,

Despite all I lack, if I derail He'll turn His back,

Don't you see the irony?

The song talks about how Jesus gives us the means to believe in what He has done for us, and what He wants to do in us. And yet these lines here depict what so many people think of their Christian life. They think that God has given them new life and expects them to do something with it under their own power. And yet, without any tracks to ride on, they think that God will turn His back on them if they derail...which they already have by not having any tracks. Irony, huh?

     The truth is, God gives each of us a "train" of sorts when we believe in His son Jesus Christ and His redemptive work on the cross. But He doesn't expect us to use this train where we are at, but to wait and watch as He creates the tracks for us to ride underneath us. If we get too far behind in wait for Him, we fail to see all that He is doing. But if we get too far ahead, we'll end up derailing our train. But does God turns His back on us? No! He, like the loving father the Bible repeatedly analogizes Him to, comes to where we are and comforts us. He continues to build tracks to where we are, but we have to wait once again for those tracks to be built and for our train to be re-railed.

     This is where the issues arise. So many people don't want to wait for God that they never end up be placed on rails in the first place. Yet they think that if they derail, God will turn His back on them. But they are already derailed, should not God have turned His back on them then, following their own logic? I think this is why so many people start to dislike this new life they have in Christ. Not because of what God is doing, but because they fail to wait for God to build the rails for them to ride on!

     Most importantly though, we have to remember that God never turns His back on us. Rather, we turn our back on Him. He's still right there, but we refuse to accept Him as our Father, who knows what's best for us. All that He asks, is that we turn around and fall into His loving arms. You see, we never lose value to Him. Kinda like a $20 bill. No matter what you do to that bill, as long as it remains a $20 bill, it will always have a value of $20. You can stomp on it, through it in the mud or even rip it in two, but its still worth $20 when made whole.

     That's how God sees us. He always sees the value that we have. And when life beats us up, drags us through the mud, or even wounds us physically, we still have just as much value in His eyes as we did when we were first born. That value never changes! Even now, God still sees that same value in you, and He wants to see that value put to good use in His plans. And you know what? His plans are always the best.

     So would you rather turn to a life that wants to beat you up and make you feel un-valued? Or would you rather turn to a God who is always there, always cares, always values you the same, always loves, and wants to see you have the best life you could ever have? I know what I want to do. I want to turn to my God and watch as He creates for me a life where everything I do brings glory to Him. I hope your choice is the same.

Time...

     Wow, I haven't posted anything in almost a month. Well...I guess that's because not a lot has happened this month. Life continues to move onward...and that's about it. So, in essence, life has become boring. But you know what that means? It means I can find even more of God exciting as I read and study His word.

     As well, having a boring life usually means that God is doing something behind the scenes in your heart. Some changes are being made to your internal operations (spiritual and mentally, that is) and it's all to prepare you for what's coming up next. Which makes me wonder, what is coming up next? I know I'm going to start working for CEF of Oregon, which is a big jump in positions for me, but I don't think that's really going to be a "Wow! This is so totally what was coming up next!" kinda moment.

     But what that moment is, or what it entails...I have no idea. Guess I'll just have to wait and see. And that's the point. Regardless of how I spend my time, or how my time spends me, I must always make time to spend with God and learn from Him. For if I don't make time for Him, I won't truly have time for anything else.

Cyanoacrylate & Dreams

     OK, so...you're probably wondering what the heck "Cyanoacrylate" is. Well, it's the common scientific term used to describe super glue. There's actually quite a few variations of this term, but they all end in Cyanoacrylate. Super glue is, of course, very adhesive, and it's not a good idea to keep it sandwiched between anything you don't want permanently bonded. Now why would I put super glue in a blog post about dreams? Hmm...

     Well, it just so happens that it's important to hold on to your dreams. Yes, God needs to be more important than our dreams, but I think too many times we throw away our dreams thinking, "God would never have me do that." If the dream goes against God's law, then of course He's not going to. But at that point, it stops being a dream and becomes a fleshly desire. True dreams are ones that have these two things: 1. a strong desire to do something, & 2. a sense of impossibility to them. And that's why it's important to have dreams; because they are impossible for you to accomplish.

     Now, some of you might be thinking, "Wow Jason, thanks for the good news. My dreams are impossible." Before you go away and stop dreaming, remember that nothing is impossible with God. That's why dreams are important. When we are younger, we look to our parents to help fulfill our dreams. And that should, but doesn't always, build in us the sense of looking to someone stronger than us. When we grow older and begin to have actual dreams about life, it should become natural for us to look to God to fulfill them.

     You see, sometimes God's dreams for our life and our dreams for our life aren't always too different. Why? Because those dreams are desires, and the desires we have, the non-sinful ones, can be given to us by God. That dream that you have? Maybe God's the one who gave it to you! So you know what we have to do? We have to bring our dreams before God, lay them at His feet and see what He would do with them. Maybe He'll remove them so that we can focus on Him. Maybe He'll cause it to happen right then and there. or maybe He'll tweak it so that your dream is just like His.

     Whatever your dream is, if you want God to make it happen, it needs to line up with His will. At it's core, the dream needs to do one thing: increase God's glory. If it doesn't do that in some way shape or form, then it's probably not going to happen. Now, where could you find dreams that do that...Oh! How about the Bible! That't be a good place to look, huh?

     In my own life, I know that I've had some dreams that weren't exactly all God wanted them to be. For example, when I was younger I always wanted to program video games. Mainly because I wanted to play them, but also because I love working with any sort of technology. Fortunately, I'm not going to be programming games. But, I am going to be working computers! Turns out not everyone understands computers...and I get to help them understand them. Which is pretty much my dream job, since it involves technology and helping people.

     Of course, there's also other dreams. Like raising a godly family, helping my future wife become more like Christ, & seeing guys become actual men (most guys, regardless of age, aren't really men, in case you didn't know. More on that some other time...).But those dreams will all be fulfilled in time. How do I know? I read my bible, and each one of those things I listed is something you can find in there too. Each is impossible for us to do, but God longs to fulfill them in our lives. And it's those dreams that we must super-glue ourselves to. Never let go of the things God wants to do in your life!

Someone to Hate...

     That someone is me. I am someone to hate. Not for you to hate, but for the world. Do I want them to hate me? No, but it proves something. It proves that I am of Christ. Jesus said in John 15:18-21:

If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own. However, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of it, the world hates you. Remember the word I spoke to you: ‘A slave is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will also keep yours. But they will do all these things to you on account of My name, because they don’t know the One who sent Me.

      All those evil things the world does to me, and to you, were done to Jesus. We should count ourselves worthy to be treated as our master was treated. Jesus was hated by the world because of what He stood for, so we should also be hated because we stand for Him. We should be someone to hate.

     Now, you may be wondering, "Where did this come from?" Well, it actually wasn't my idea to begin with. It all started with my checking of facebook this morning. Low and behold, there in my news feed was a new song from Christian metal band Demon Hunter. The song? Someone To Hate. Here's the lyrics:

(Verse 1)

A figure for the closing of time, the antagonist divine
Void of vacant word, one final answer to be heard
I will carry my decree into a storm of lead
This is total war, my want for tolerance is dead

(Pre-Chorus)

To my last breath
I am someone to hate
I will spit upon the idol for which you stand
I will carry the weight
I will bury your deception with a wrathful hand

(Chorus)

Heart is cold, and my weapons are washed in blood
I avow to the call on high
My resolve in the blessed above, in this ever-consuming divide

(Verse 2)

A figure for the closing of time, the antithesis defined
Threat to faith untrue, I am the enemy of new
All you advocates of Hell, you corruptors of free will
The culling is nigh, better get your fill

(Pre-Chorus)

(Chorus)

I am the cry for the falling of time

(Bridge)

Born into the lust within our eyes
Taught to write the scriptures for our lives
We inherit the lies

To my last breath, to my final day

(Chorus)

      Now, I know most of you probably wouldn't like the sound of the song. That's just the nature of music: some people like some music, while other are partial to a different style. But the lyrics hold the message of what we should stand for. Do we spit upon the idols the world serves? Do we carry the weight of our own cross? (Luke 9:23) Is our resolve truly in the Lord? Are we willing to carry the Word of God to those who need to hear it, even if that means passing through a storm of lead?

     Unfortunately, I think most of us would have to truly answer no to those questions, myself included. But this is what Christ has called us to! So it is our duty to carry this out. In each of our own individual lives we must forsake the idols of the world, take up our cross, and carry the decree of the Lord wherever He leads. Can we do it? No, not by ourselves. Only by His power in our lives. And it's that power that we have through the Holy Spirit.

     Are you living in such a way that the world hates you, because you stand for Christ? How can you stand for Him more? We must ask ourselves these questions and seek the answers to them by spending time in prayer. Christ has called us to be like Him. So we must become someone to hate. Are you someone the world hates?

Life and fire...

     It's the middle of February, and I haven't updated this blog in a few weeks, so I figured I should add another post ;) Sounds like a good enough reason, right? Well if it's not, too bad...cause a new post is coming at you!

     My job situation has seen a big change recently. Well, sorta. The change won't actually happen until June 25th (or possible a little earlier), but I know about it now. You see, the Saturday after my last post was the CEF of Oregon State Board Meeting. At this meeting, one of the items on the agenda was an issue Rod Franz, the State Director, and I had talked about during his last visit to CEF HQ in Warrenton, Missouri while I was there for CMI. The core of that issue was, "CEF is still in the 20th century when it comes to technology." That's where I come in.

     Completely to my surprise, the board opened the floor to Rod...who then turned it over to me, and I got to share my heart for what I wanted to see happen within CEF when it comes to tech. After that, we ended up talking for about another hour, at the end of which the members of the board voted that I would be appointed to a new position in June or as soon as I can get funding. So, come June 25th, I'll officially be the Director of Communications and Technology for CEF of Oregon.

     There's a whole lot of responsibilities attached to that title, but it's pretty much the job I've always dreamed of. I mean, I get to work with computers 8 hours (or more) a day, and drive across the state to assist others with computer issues in local CEF chapters. That's two of my favorite things to do and I get paid to do it! The only issue I have is that the driving might be a little... problematic at a future point...but I'm sure that'll work out since God's called me here and He's also called me there...so they have to work together.

     Now about the fire I mentioned in the title. I've come to realize that it has become my job to be a lantern bearer. Or, more correctly, a lantern keeper. There is a flame that I have been entrusted with, and it's my job to keep that flame alive. So the flame stays in the lantern, and the lantern stays with me, until it's time to release that flame into something bigger.

     Yeah, I know, more cryptic messages in my posts, but hey...at least this gives you something to guess at, right? Anyway, I hope all is going well with you readers, and that God is blessing you in your life as much as He is in mine. Until next time...

Polishing Jewels...

     This post is going to take a slightly different approach then most you'll find here. For this post, starting with the 2nd paragraph, you'll be reading an analogy. It's one I heard from a friend at church, and one that I've expanded to fit into a longer story. I'm not going to tell you what it means...at least not now. It holds a lot of truth, a lot of my own story, and a lot of things that may be obvious. If they are, then I guess you know me pretty well ;) So, here goes:

     A man was working outside. His sons were helping him in other areas, but only those he chose were able to help him here. One of his younger sons had recently been permitted to enter, and what he say was not what he expected.

     "Dad, what's that?" he asked.

     "Well son," the father replied, "that's what I'm working on: the king's crown." He placed his hand on the large golden object and showed his son the holes in the sides.

     "See these holes here? A precious jewel will go in each one. That's what we are doing back here: preparing each of the jewels that will go into the crown."

     His son looked on in awe. "So, what do I do?"

     "You get to pick one of the jewels from the chest there," he said, motioning to the rather large, oak box in the corner of the work area, "and then you will work on polishing it until it has no spot or blemish."

     The young boy walked over to the chest, lifted the lid and looked in. Inside were all manner of jewels, in all sorts of colors, shapes and sizes, each one different from the rest. What they did have in common, though, was a covering of spots and dirt.

     The boy looked and looked. Each jewel was special, but none quite caught his eye. And then his eyes fell upon a bright green stone. It was covered in dirt and spots like the rest, but something about the way it sparkled drew him to it.

     "Now that one is a fine jewel, son," came the father's reassuring voice, "be very careful as you polish it."

     With a happy obedience, the son picked up the green stone, took the cloth his father handed him, and walked over to a spot under a tree. He began to polish and polish and polish, so much so that he started to get tired, but he kept at it.

     Soon, the jewel had almost nothing on it. It shone brightly, and the boy could see inside of it. As he gazed into the center of the stone, his mind felt a calming peace and joy come over him. The sound of footsteps brought his mind back, and he looked up to see his father standing over him.

     "Very good son. May I see what you've done?" he asked, reaching down his large, worn hand. A smile crossed the boy's face as he handed the jewel to his father. He watched as his father looked at each part of the stone, felt each side, and nodded his approval. Then the father knelt down and placed his hand on on the boy's shoulder.

     "You've done your best son, and I'm very proud, but this jewel is quite ready to be polished any further."

     The smile on the boy's once happy face turned to a frown. "What do you mean?" he asked.

     "Well, you see these white areas here? Those are small fractures in the stone: little parts that you can't polish away. I have to use a special tool to repair those."
     The boy's shoulder's sagged and his head drooped. He had taken a liking to this stone, and now he couldn't work on it anymore. He couldn't polish it further. But then his father's hand lifted his head, and he found his eyes staring directly into the deep caring gaze of his dad.

     "Son. This jewel is your gift to the king. Until it is finished and placed in the crown, it will be yours. But if I don't repair these fractures now, they will spread further quickly...and your jewel will split. Go, work where you were before. I'll call you when I'm done."

     The boy wiped away the tears that had formed in his eyes. "How long will it take?"

     "For each stone the repair time is different," came the father's reply, "but I think this one won't take too long."

     Happiness returned to the boy's face, and he left to go back to his previous task. He worked and worked, always listening for his father's voice to call him. He had been working for sometime, and the work had become noisy, but he was still listening as best he could.

     Suddenly, he stopped. Was that his name he had heard? Were the repairs done? He listened, but he didn't hear anything. Then again, his father wasn't one to call twice unless some time had passed or if it was dreadfully urgent.

     Putting down his work, the son ran to the gate that separated the work areas from the polishing yard. He pulled the latch, swung the gate open slightly and poked his head through the opening. He saw his father working at his bench with his tools. Stepping inside, the boy voiced his questions.

     "Father, did you call me? Are the repairs finished?"

     His father turned at the sound of his son's voice. Seeing the hope in his face, he walked over and placed a hand on the boy's shoulder.

     "Well son, what do you think?"

     "I think you did call me. The repairs must be finished!" he exclaimed joyfully.

     The father chuckled, glad to see his son excited to continue his task. He stood, took his son's hand and began to walk towards the bench.

     "Why don't we go see?" he said, smiling.

     The boy followed, eager to see what his father had done, but also hoping that he could have his jewel back.

     I know you are probably wanting to know what happens, but to tell you the truth, I don't know the rest. The story isn't finished yet. But as I continue to develop new pieces, I will compile them into posts like this one and you can read the rest. For now, may God bless you as He has been blessing me!

Vision...

     Vision is a wonderful thing. Your two eyes work together to allow you to see exactly what you want to see. But when you look at one thing, you can't look at something else. Say you look at something close. Then things far away will be blurry; our of focus. But if you look at something far away, close things fall out of focus. The same thing happens in life. We can tend to focus on one thing, whether it be up close or far away. But there's one thing we should be focusing on: God.

     You see, God is always the same. So, regardless of whether you look at something you're experiencing right now or something far off in the future, God will always be the same. Guess what that means? When you focus on Him...well, you'd think everything else would get blurry, right? It's actually the other way around! When you focus on God, everything else you could possibly look at comes into clearer focus! When you turn your focus to be on God, you stop looking at the world the way you see it and start to look at the world the way God sees it. You stopping seeing your life the way you always have, and start seeing it the way God always has.

     It's always a struggle to keep your focus on God. Especially when things in life start to come at you. You feel like you have to focus on what's happening to get through it. Or maybe your focus just starts to slip and you don't notice until long after your eyes have found themselves somewhere else. Either way, both describe my life in the past. Just like everyone else, I'm guilty of letting my focus slip from God. And yet, every time my focus does slip, I turn my eyes to Him once again and find more than I remember leaving. And every time, He continues to reveal more to me about what I'm here for.

     While at Children's Ministries Institute (CMI), I found that I'm more suited for a support role. I have some good leadership qualities, and could be a leader, but not if that role puts me out in front. However, if that role involves me be the lead in supporting others...well that's right about where I should work best. God's been showing me how these two roles, leader and supporter, work together specifically in my life...but He hasn't shown me where to put them to the best use yet. Or...at least not their more extended use. You know...like what I'm called to do.

     I am however putting those roles to use in my work with the local chapter of Child Evangelism Fellowship. I can lead by teaching the children in my classes and taking responsibility for various things around the office, and I can support by making sure the computers run well, developing easier methods of getting certain jobs done, and doing the backstage work to get our new website up and running.

     Vision. Through the vision God has given me in my two eyes I can see what He is doing now. I can see what He will be doing soon...and I can catch a small glimpse of what He will be doing in the future. All three levels of focus have me excited, and although it'll be sometime before I get to that final level...it's more than worth the wait. So...where's your vision focused?

A Promise is a Promise...

     As the title of my blog suggests, my life is a landscape. It's where work is done to make the abode of the owner more presentable. Who is the owner? Jesus Christ. He owns this landscape and He is the one working in it to make it into just the kind of landscape He's envisioned for it. So it makes sense then, since this landscape is my life, that I would want to know what Jesus is going to do in it to make it better. How do I do that? By reading the Word of God.

     Recently I started reading in the Psalms. I've been reading straight through a book of the Bible in my personal devotions for some time now, and Psalms is where God had me go about 2 weeks ago. Having 150 Psalms to cover means I've got almost 5 more months in Psalms...but I know God's going to work through it. God's Word is living and powerful. It always has something new for you when you revisit a passage, and it can always speak to right where you are in your life, but only if you open your ears and listen. Always make sure to ask God to show you what He wants you to see before you read. When you do, it's amazing what you'll find...like what I found the other day in Psalms 15.

     In Psalms 15, King David rhetorically asks, "Who can dwell with the Lord?" And what does David do, but write a song that sings of all the things the righteous man of God should do. It's a good summary of what each Christian needs to be, so I'll post the verses here:

Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts. Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends. Those who despise flagrant sinners, and honor the faithful followers of the Lord, and keep their promises even when it hurts. Those who lend money without charging interest, and who cannot be bribed to lie about the innocent. Such people will stand firm forever.

That is the kind of man I am striving to be. One who has all of these qualities. But the other day, when I read this Psalm, it wasn't all of the qualities that stood out, it was just one: and keep their promises even when it hurts.

     You see...I promised I would do something for a friend of mine...for Karis. Our courtship ended a few days ago, but not for any of the reasons your mind may jump to. The courtship was drawing us towards marriage within the next year, and neither Karis or myself are really prepared for what that entails. Sure God could move miraculously and prepare us both faster than we could imagine, and maybe He still will, but for now...we're just friends. But back to my promise...I promised that I would be here whenever she's ready. It could hurt, after all...I don't know when she'll be ready...and that could be quite some time. But a promise is a promise...and I intended to keep that promise.

     It may be that when she's ready...that God would have our relationship remain at just friends...or it may become so much more than that. I don't know what will happen. But in my heart...in my heart I couldn't be any more sure about the eventual outcome. Regardless of what I may feel, I have a promise to keep...and I'm going to keep it. Because regardless of the outcome, that's what God would have me do. He would have me keep every word I say. After all, what are words if you really don't mean them when you say them? I don't know the answer, but I do know this: I've meant every word I've said. Every single one...